off topic-HELP ANYONE EVER BEEN THROUGH THIS?

[SweetJesus]

This may get kinda long: I am a single custodial father. My duaghter Samantha is 3.5 years old. Mother is a work of art (yeah I know, I made a baby with her). She has numerous convictions for drugs, including a felony, been in jail numerous times for breaking probation etc etc.

She saw our daughter for a total of 8 hours the second year she was alive and 10 hours the third year she was alive.

She just got out of jail in December and has hauled me into court for visitation. These wacked out court systems gave her every Wednesday and every other weekend. This is her second overnight ever. Last night I get home from work and the police knock on my door at 9:30pm.

She has accused me of sexually molesting my daughter. Now my daughter cannot come home. The police read me my rights and i exercised them, but they have not charged me. I know yesterday she went to the hospital for exam and i would think if they found anything I would be in jail right now.
Anyhow,her visitation ended tonight at 6pm. I exercised my custodial parent rights and had her placed in shelter care. I will be damned if I will leave her in her mother's home while she continues to test positive for drug use.

Anyhow, I just really needed to vent. I know this is all about money. The "mom" is over $10,000 arears for back child support and I just had the court serve her with papers for contempt for not paying it. So now she is trying to get back at me. I just cannot believe they would traumatize this little girl further after medical tests proved there was nothing there. Can you imagine what a 3.5 yr old girl went through for a sexual abuse exam, then take her and put her in shelter care instead of even letting her go to her grandparents. All this happens on a weekend and it is so convenient that none of the county services are available to do the neccessary interviews and made the right decisions. My Grandmother, and my parents are going monday to -------- their homes for attorney fees. Need $3000 down and $175 per hour. I am flat broke and up to my eye balls in debt from keeping my custody rights from this nutcase who has a court appointed attorney for free. I have paid well over $50,000 for my child. However, you can never pay enough to keep them safe. Thus, the family has begun to take over the financial burden. This is just flabbergasting. Want proof of the story I just told you? I have police reports etc etc online at <a href="http://www.geocities.com/father4custody" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/father4custody</a>

If anyone knows a decently priced attorney in the Rochester Minnesota area PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I beg you with every ounce of my being, heart and soul, email me and tell me, I cannot give up on my daughter!

[MR . SALTY]

That is really unbelievable.But with her background,it's no real surprise is it???I just cant immagine any judge in this country taking this case seriously...

[Mr.Bubble]

IM SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY! :( . that must be a nightmare! i cant help with the attuorny (Sp?). But i wish you the very best and i hope this all get settled out and you can spend more ime with your child. I just thought i would post you back and wish this gets settled out. I will be sending light your way! :( :(

[joe's reefer]

:( i am extremly touch by your situation and may god guide you through this trial in your life.i'll pray that things get better for u.im sorry i dont now any good lawyer and im in california.i sucks thata 3 year old had to go through a sexual abuse exam and hopefully it didnt traumatize her alng with living witha drug abusive mother.it was probably her abusing the child but she cant remember because she was too freaking high to realize it.And for the court to side with a felon and druggy over you who has tought this child and taken care of her from basically birth is unbelievable.once again god bless and i hope you make all the right choices and find the money to get you out of this problem. :D

[byrself]

yeah man, that's a hell of a spot to be in. i'm familiar with your situation in a way. i wish you the best of luck. maybe you could talk to a social worker and get some help there. i wish i could help you more. :( maybe you could prove to a court she's unsafe with her mother, and get custody based on that. at least maybe your parents could get her. i'm not sure of laws in your state, but here in la. it's pretty hard to get a child away from the mother, but it can be done. (oh yeah, and don't forget to pray too) <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />

[SweetJesus]

I have no slept, have not ate, i have talked to both the crisis social workers, and my own private social worker, a daycare I know can me an emergency crisis care, so they are busy trying to get her to come there. The problem is no one will tell me one damn thing. All I get is you have to talk to social services when they open in the morning! I do have custody guys, Have had it over 29 months! So I have proven the mother unfit. however now that she is in treatment and "changed her life" even though she continues to test positive, they feel she can be a benefit in her life! When this is all done, I think I will move to another country! I am fed up with our legal system!

[joe's reefer]

yup our country legal system does suck

[Heavenly Damsel]

You and your daughter are in my prayers. Keep your faith and give your troubles to the Lord. Can your church family help you in any way?

[Katara]

Be strong(easier said than done) but 99% of the time the truth and the rightous(sp?) do prevail..been through something similar w/my godson and even though the dad had an $8,000 attorney and my godson's mom and I had to handwrite and submit all kinds of legal paperwork that we had no previous knowledge of, the truth was on our side and we won..you'll be ok

[Q]

I hope that when you go to court that you get a judge who is cranky and can see through this load of crap then nail her with everything possiable.

Situations like this really tick me off.

Take care.

Fight hard.

[Musipilot]

Being born in Brooklyn...my initial response was to have her whacked...yeah, yeah, I know.

I have a son with joint custody, and everything is going well. However, I still to this day (4 years later) walk on eggshells around my son's mother because unfortunately, as a male, your rights are terribly dimished. All she has to do is cry foul, and life as I know it changes. The reverse is just not true. Best of luck, and if you want ideas/chat/support, feel free to write to me at dave@jfktower.com

[Ren]

I have a long time friend on the net with simular dealings with his ex. Somewhere only god knows she actually won. So be ready to fight like never before.
1. Seems that she is trying to tie you up with false claims - 'false claims' I'd file suit to counter those. Tie her up with procedings that once proven they were false - are more fuel for you in the custody battle. Just the win is worth far more than any money here.
2. You most likely need to re-open visitation and go for blood - bring everything - the false claims, the drug abuse, current positive testing, everything you can (and more to!!!) and apply for 'reasonable supervised visitation'. Ask your lawyer to ensure that the case cannot be re-opened after that.

I have alot more to talk with ya about but this isn't the place - email me renegade@bak.rr.com

Good luck and god speed.

[NaCl-H2O]

I feel your pain I want through some of the same problems your having. My battle ended finally with me having custody of my son and she seems to have accepted she will not win and has backed off for some time now. I hope your situation works out as well. LOL

[David S]

Darn i been there problem is u and almost everyone know u didnt do anything but once your x opens her mouth cops and dss have to investigate kinda stinks then they start teating u like crap been there hang in there they will find no proof and your layer will make things right after that then maybe a slander suit ) :mad: :mad: :mad:

[BLUEBERRYBOOMER]

You and your little girl are in my prayers, good luck to the both of you. Don't give up on the system just yet, the truth will come out in the end. Lisa

[chainsaw5vent]

yo! sweetjesus don't freak <img src="graemlins//eek.gif" border="0" alt="[eek]" /> <img src="graemlins//freak.gif" border="0" alt="[freak]" /> remember, men ought to always pray and out light (or sometimes VERY heavy) burdens are just a twinkle in the eyes of Jesus, who bears all of our burdens, fears, sorrows. remember that GOD never sleeps and always keep track of how many hairs are on your head (and your little girl's too <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" /> ) i can id w/ you because 3 of my first four kids (up to 5.5 now) just came back from visitation w/ the donor who left them 5 days after the 7.5 yo was born...not to be seen in person for 2+ years. very interesting that the other day when the 3rd child sent an email (unintentional) using "bryan xxxx" (my last name) how the donor took GREAT OFFENSE :mad: :mad: and screamed "THEY WILL NEVER BE XXXX!!" well, now it shows up in his face. he did not want them to remain ######, and now he wants to be remembered??! oh, well. they don't go to him for comfort. remain calm, think clearly, make good decisions. Phil. 4:6-8. <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" /> <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />

[reefnjeff]

This is not the answer you are looking for, but I was just curious, have you tried Legal aide Services, I used this legal Aide program for my custody dispute and my attorney was very efficent, It is a program for low income people, if you have not considered this option you should at least call them, they are there to help and if they can't help you they might be able to point you in the right direction, it is a state run program and I am sure there is a office near you, good luck!!!

[joshh]

i believe would half to redreum her a**, but i can relate my babys moma is a cocaine head and thinks im going to let he seethem yeah right but she can never get custody b/c i talked her stupid ass into putting them into my mouther and fauthers name :D

[Zack Schwartz]

I fell so sorry for you. I have heard of this happing but you have to prove that your wife is still on drugs. That will chang anyones mind!!! :)

[Slideways84]

I'm sorry for your troubles, I've read your website and here are my thoughts.You have absolutely no one to blame but yourself. On your website you are asking for donations and sponsors etc, it also appears that by posting this information on the SWF forums you may have had hopes of cash coming in from it as well. Reading through this nightmare it seems as though you have been through numerous jobs as well. Why should ANYONE be expected to help you. You were and may still be recieving state assistance from WIC. Those are tax dollars, the court system/police department/ that you keep tying up with this Jerry Springer mess and this Jane idiot are all getting paid from tax dollars. There is no telling how much tax payor money has been wasted and will be continued to be wasted in the years to come because you chose to take up with a drug abusing tramp, who also appears to have been underage when you were having sexual relations. So for your contiued mistakes we are expected to help ? Your login name also bothers me quite a bit as it is totally inappropriate to bring in the name of Jesus to this mess. If you are a christian then your church should be the first to turn to....there was no mention of it that I found. Bottom line, GROW UP..Get a job and stay with it, Work part time, Have a yard sale. If you were doing the responsible thing you should have had a savings account set aside for situations such as this.

[joe's reefer]

slideways are u his ex wife or something surprised you can type and roll joints at the same time.for crying out loud the guys losing his daughter.

[Tykill]

You need to hire a private eye and get some of her drug use on film. Make Documentation also, the courts eat that up, wheather it be how much you gave your wife, or vise versa. Even have her boyfriends followed.

[SweetJesus]

Well, guys thanks for the support. In reply to the 2 posts above this one I know I do not need to defend myself but . . . .

It appears you have read most of the site? Did you see the FAKE birth certificate? Numerous Jobs? I went to hell and back for this girl, I left a wonderful career albeit working 100 hours a week to not lose this girl. When we could not make it on a petty wal-mart $5.00.hr job, I became a truck driver because they make a lot of MONEY! She was not this way initially. I am sorry if you did not understand that when the cat is away the mouse will play. Do you know any truck drivers? I was on the road for three weeks at a time making a living. She got involved in drugs while I WAS GONE! Once I found out about her being underage, the drugs, did you not notice that I broke up with her immediately? well within 3-4 weeks because I got back from being on the road? Hmmmm, did you not notice that the WEEK our child was born I quit being a truck DRIVER to become a real dad! Sorry I took responsibility and love for my child seriously! Donations? Yeah, why don't you help me? Savings account set aside? Everyone here who has $30,000 to $50,000 set aside please raise their hand?

Savings? Well did you know that I did not come home for 5 months straight after we broke up and she was pregnant so I could have some money when things went sour? Add that up will you! Driving maximum hours allowed by law etc etc, I brought home $1000 a week. that works out to be $20,000. Did you know that they attorney blew through that before the 2nd court hearing even? So I was working and paying her every extra cent I had at a $10.00/ hour job? about $500 a month?

Maybe you do not realize this is my first child and I had never been through this before? This Jane idiot is appointed by the court! Wasting tax dollars on the police etc etc? Hmmm, so I am supposed to let her teach my daughter how to be a drug addict and make another problem in society? I made one mistake, choosing the wrong woman. What has been the consequence ever since? Trying to fix that one mistake, trying to raise a moral, good benefit to society child? So tell me? Mr. Slideways? Should I give up on the one thing that means more to me in this world than anything and give her to an unfit mother who will most likely see that she is a drug addict, raped, abused and pregnant before the age of 15? I think not. Thank you! I am sorry if I am a father's rights advocate, Who set up townhouse meetings with state representatives one day a month in the local court house. I am sorry if I make $31,200 a year. Now re-read above, in the matter of 6 months the attorney burned through $20,000 hmmm, please do the math! Cut off for WIC is $20,000 per year after the child is 2 yrs old. Did you know that any mother no matter house much the household income can get WIC until the child is 2 yrs old!? Why? because then they know the family is getting the basic nutrition they need to flourish. Did you know you can only make $16,000 a year to get public help? Ok retainer fee is around $3,000 now think about that and please do the math again. Do I like my situation? NO! Am I doing the best I can, no! Have I asked you for money? NO! I asked for some support! I asked for some information. I did not ask for a free ride?
I am a father, that is all that it is. I hope if you have children, you give them an extra hug tonight and can cherish their love even more now that you have read a nightmare that you could have been in. Why? because you were young and naievete. My fault, yes. Am I fixing it? I sure am trying. One last thought, remember the old saying, the only one you can control is yourself. SWEETJESUS MOTHER MARY OF GOD! PLEASE HELP ME!

[SweetJesus]

GOOD NEWS! I just was exaonerated from all the charges. They trumped it up to my daughter calling for help as she was having night terrors from being in her mother's care that has been non-existant til now. Social Services is helping modify the visitation to only supervised with her mother!

THE BIGGEST THANK YOU GOES TO THIS BOARD!

Due to information attained on here, I was contacted by an attorney would is willing to take my case on a reduced fee schedule!

I LOVE you guys and my tank!

Attorney appointment 2pm on Friday!
My heart is filled with Joy, and my little girl is on her way home!

[Galina]

That's great, SJ!
Congradulations! :D

Galina

[Dirtybilge]

I would take her mother too court now and sue here for complete custody, use a statigy that shows the court room shes a drug attick, get her old friends to give depoditions, have people give depositions for you showing your a good father. 99% of the legal system is about money, I would sue her because it sounds like she won't have any money to defend herself and that will knock her out of the game.

[Q]

:D :) :D

[Jester]

My best friend is going through something similar, only difference is just not so extreem. no abuse charges have been filed. I'm sorry to hear about it.

[jim672]

......and sometimes The System does work.

I'll very glad for you. All the best as you and your daughter work to forget this unfortunate time.

:D

Jim

[Heavenly Damsel]

Prayers are answered. Hang in there and never give up Jesus. Your heart is in the right place. Don't fight the battle on the same ground she is using...once she loses she will give up and you will not hear from her again. Always give your troubles to the Lord...revenge is His, not yours. The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies and forgive them thier trespasses. You are on the prayer list at my church. God Bless and keep praying. All will work out according to God's plan.

[sammystingray]

I got goosebumps with the good news. :D She should have been on her way to being a saltwater freak like the rest of us while she was watching sponge Bob instead of all she had to go through. You better be truthful with the things you talk, and when she is back, and this is all over, I hope you remember how important she is even when she is with you all the time. She's too young to really appreciate your plight and your loving fight for her, so show her in the simple ways she knows at that age, and don't ever forget what it was like to lose her. Best wishes.

[SweetJesus]

Spongebob is one of her favorite cartoons!

[byrself]

i just caught back up with your story, and i am so glad things are working in your favor. just always keep your head held high and be a better role model for your daughter than her mother seems to be. keep us informed. ;)

[T4Stock]

Make it emminently clear through your attorney that you will sue the state without end if something happens to your daughter as a result of their decisions. Document EVERY SINGLE phone call, correspondence, etc., and remind the powers that be EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, that you will be using the CIVIL system to its full extent to ensure accountability for their decisions.

Unfortunately, there is a good chance that some misfortune will befall your daughter (isn't it starting already?). You need to make it absolutely clear that you will hold people accountable. On the pther hand, the problem may very well resolve itself when your ex-wife is busted once again, or maybe she o.d.'s, etc.

[nj27000]

I am sorry to hear this..nothing hurts a parent more than seeing thier child hurt. I see that your screen name is sweetJesus..so I assume you know his power...stop now and pray not that you havent...but ask him for HIS direction...perhaps you can "break down" and talk with her...pray before you say one word....see if you can work things out...dont say what you want to say...say what is smart to say...kind words turn away anger...although you dont want her to see your child... you know prohbiting that is not possible... you ARE going to have to work things out...or no one wins...lest of all the child... r remember to keep your friend close but your enemies closer......perhaps think about forgetting the post owed child support and working something out.....smile though you dont feel like it... play it smart... these things could go on forever..with your daughter being bounced back and forth.. Lawyers can be very expensive..and the entire ordeal emotionally taxing... Talk with her ......work it out....even help help her...it will help you in the long run.... Good blessings to you...I will keep you all in my prayers.

[dburr]

Somebody is watchin over you and your girl <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />
Play it smart and keep her safe.
best of luck.

[joe's reefer]

congrats and as paul proved with his miraculous escape from king herods jail prayer does work u can find that story in Acts 12 <img src="graemlins//angel.gif" border="0" alt="[angel]" />

[SweetJesus]

3-4 years later, my daughter turned 7 today! I have not updated the old website, but lets just say I won full custody with absolutely no visitation by the mother. IF you want the cliff notes version I can post it.

Whew!!! I have been away for 3 years!

[TheGrog]

3-4 years later, my daughter turned 7 today! I have not updated the old website, but lets just say I won full custody with absolutely no visitation by the mother. IF you want the cliff notes version I can post it.

Whew!!! I have been away for 3 years!
Glad to hear thing worked out for the better!!! I'm happy for you and your daughter! :jumping:

No that your lives together can continue on being uninterupted by the trash of society.....how's your fishtank doing? :joy:

Seriously, very happy for you both!

[Mimzy]

Sweet - what an incredible story. You should write memoirs.

It's so wonderful to see something miraculous happen amid all the mess we're in these days.
Wish your daughter a hearty happy birthday! :joy:

Oh, and.... Welcome back to the boards :hi:

[Mimzy]

ohmigosh...I am totaly in tears. I never cry at ANYTHING!!!

Sweet, I'm turning into my mother (cries at Bambi) and it's all your fault. :rotfl:

[sw65galma]

And this is why we should all have SW tanks...

[ricks280]

jy jy jy :happy: :party: jy :happy: jy :jumping: (rick)

[TangMan99]

That is wonderful news! I was wondering where this old post came from when I started reading and was happy to see you brought it back to update us. I'm sure it has been a long hard road, but your daughter will always know what you did and sacraficed for her. Great to have you back. :party:

[SweetJesus]

Cliff notes:

Found a new attorney after talking to absolutely everyone in the tri state area. The mother had already been to see them all because of the criminal problems she was having so it was a conflict of interest.

Finally found a family law attorney only. Anyhow they argued that none of the previous custody rulings and so forth ever happened. So ended up ordering court transcripts, and many letters to prove that they actually were agreed upon and read into the record at the hearings. So finally got all the final rulings in place.

Finally got rid of the guardian ad litem by tape recording her conversations with me, transcribing them, and then sending a copy to the judge, and her attorney. Lets put it this way, every other word was swearing at me, and putting me down. Not very professional. After I played this trump card, within a month everything changed. The guardian ad litem submitted a one paragraph letter to the court saying I should have custody, and the mother should not and that she no longer needed to be involved in the case. Got the report back from the child psychologist that said the mother should only have short, supervised visits as she did not have the emotional energy for the child.

Well, the court finally got fed up with it all, gave her 6 months visitation and when she did not do them, they refused to order any more visitation in the case and closed the custody case. They told her if she wanted visitation she would need to petition the court for visitation on her own dime and pay for the attorney herself.

Anyhow, she has been in and out of jail quite frequently. She has another child that just turned 1 and does not know who the father is.

I could go into more details that would blow your mind even more than the original story, but hey, that is for the book I will write one day.

Me, well, I got a good job, will be getting my Bachelor of Science in Business Management here shortly. Purchased a house, and sworn off relationships forever!


As for the tank, it is no more, I still have all the equipment for a kicking sps/clam system, just have not had the time to set it up properly. All in good time.

[Beth]

Great news and what a story!

I basically pressed my ex for child support until he couldn't be pressed anymore, mind you it was really a "nothing amt" which he still couldn't pay. Then I told him I would give up pursuing him in court for child support if he would forgo involvment with my son. Obviously and expectedly, he agreed and we have never heard from him since. I never once regreted doing it either. My son is now 24. Sometimes, you just have to make criticial life choices for the sake of your children.

[Mimzy]

You GO girl!! :jumping:

I admire ALL of you for being such strong people :bowdown:

[SweetJesus]

Here we are over 9 years later. Mother is still the same criminal drug addict. See's her daughter once a year . . . ok not even that much, because she did not even show up for an hour on christmas this year.

Daughter is getting all honors in School. I have finished my Bachelor's Degree in Business Management. Purchased a house, and life is good!

Dedication and hard work does pay off!

[Sharkboy13]

wait u mean shes 9 or this thread is 9 years old, if so i am reeaally confused but happy to see justice prevail over that weirdo

[TangMan99]

Great to see you are doing well and your daughter is also. There are still many of us here that lived through the experiece with you and remember the things you went through. It is just great that everything turned out the way it did. Good luck and enjoy the remaining years with your little girl. They grow up so fast.

[Mimzy]

wooooo hooo!!!! jy :jumping:

[hot883]

Good to know things worked out well for ya. I will still keep you in my prayers though as that is all we have. Barry

[SweetJesus]

wait u mean shes 9 or this thread is 9 years old, if so i am reeaally confused but happy to see justice prevail over that weirdo
Been 9 years since she was born, she is currently 8 years old.

[maeistero]

***)

just kidding, i love y'all!! thank god for this one.

[damselz]

I hope all works out for you and everyone else in similar situations. I am also a divorced father and I came across this post after searching for FATHER'S RIGHTS info on the web. I just gave up and decided to see what was going on since I can't sleep. My ex has custody and I have visitation. Everytime I drop off my daughter her mother calls me and says my daughter said she didn't like her or her new boyfriend so it had to be me who put it in her head. Such is not the case because when I see my daughter that is MY time with her and I don't mention her mother at all, especially in a negative way, my kid needs to love her mother not hate her. Whatever happened between she and I has nothing to do with how my child should feel toward her mother. I get threats, phone calls saying I will never see my child again, now she wants to postpone visitation until the court gives her supervised visits. The courts are unfair everywhere when it comes to family law. I too have exhausted my funds dueling with my ex thru the divorce and have nothing left, I lost my job because the ex mother in law got me fired and just got laid off from my construction job and I still pay the same support which leaves me less than $600 a month to live on. Now I have to go to court instead of either spending time with my 3 year old daughter or going on interviews, it is just rediculous.

[whitey_028]

Amen t^

[ackermsb]

WoW!!! Just read this thread for the first time and this is one crazy story. I give you a lot of credit for putting what is most important in your life in front of anything and everything and doing whatever it takes to make it happen. The icing on the cake is your degree and it sounds like you have it all going for you now. Keep it up!!!

Very heartwarming story!!!