Anyone ever had to fire a friend?

theclemsonkid

theclemsonkid

Member
So I am the lead singer (and defacto leader) of a band. My lead guitar player and I have been friends since 2002, and been playing together in this current project for over two years. Over the past year, he has done countless things that have pushed the rest of us (five people, including our sound engineer) to the brink of not being able to work with him anymore, and have fun at the same time. I won't get into what specifically he has done, but it's definitely enough to warrant us going in a different direction.
Owning a business, I have had to fire employees before. That's never been an issue, because they had no personal attachment to me in the outside world. This however is going to become dicey because of a ten year friendship. Deep down, he's a good kid, and I know that this is going to crush him, and he's probably going to get angry and maybe never talk to me again. I'm not sure honestly. I just want to do it with the best intentions and least amount of drama.
Any suggestions?
 
sweatervest13

sweatervest13

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheClemsonKid http:///t/393712/anyone-ever-had-to-fire-a-friend#post_3503215
So I am the lead singer (and defacto leader) of a band. My lead guitar player and I have been friends since 2002, and been playing together in this current project for over two years. Over the past year, he has done countless things that have pushed the rest of us (five people, including our sound engineer) to the brink of not being able to work with him anymore, and have fun at the same time. I won't get into what specifically he has done, but it's definitely enough to warrant us going in a different direction.
Owning a business, I have had to fire employees before. That's never been an issue, because they had no personal attachment to me in the outside world. This however is going to become dicey because of a ten year friendship. Deep down, he's a good kid, and I know that this is going to crush him, and he's probably going to get angry and maybe never talk to me again. I'm not sure honestly. I just want to do it with the best intentions and least amount of drama.
Any suggestions?
Back when I was getting my undergrad, me and a few friends set up a boat detailing business. One of our friends was on board but made it very clear that if we slowed down or were not getting business he would bail. Well, we did not like his lack of commitment to the new company and the other 4 of us decided to not have him be a part of the business.
We should have made it more clear earlier in the process, but we were just 21 and not that seasoned. We all went to his house to pick him up for our first day of cleaning boats with our new company (so he thought). And as a group invited him not to be a part of our company. It was pretty messy. He had packed a lunch and everything. He did not talk to us much that summer and he was pretty bitter. We were also roommates, things cooled down when we moved back to school a few months later.
He is still one of my good friends, he stood up in each of the other guys weddings as well and all 5 of us remain friends to this day.
We don't really talk about having to fire him, but it has been brought up in the past 12 or so years and it is not something any of us wanna rehash too much.
End result, we did what we had to do to have a successful company for a few summers.
Just be honest to the guy and try to remain friends if you can. He has made it get to a point where something needs to be done. That's not your fault.
When you do talk to him make sure it is at a place you can leave (not a place you need him to leave, like your house). Make sure he knows that you tried to make it work.
Good luck... Sorry for the crappy band mate.
 
al mc

al mc

Active Member
Do you want to try to rehabilitate him or is it so bad that you need to make a clean quick break.
If rehab. This would be a group meeting in my mind as you all need to be on board with keeping/rehabing him. Perfect timing with new year coming in that you can have a 'lt's review the past year and how can we make the new year better for the band meeting'. You lead the discussion and ask people to be open. If he get ticked, good ridance.
If beyond hope. Do it by yourself with the rest of the band members blessing. As suggested by the previous poster do it in an environment that you can leave. I would go for quiet, but public, place. Pub, etc.. Just tell him straight. band needs to make a change as you move into 2013, he must be aware of some of the friction and that you feel it would be best for the band and him to go in a different direction.
 
theclemsonkid

theclemsonkid

Member
Yeah, we've brought up some of his perceived shortcomings with him several times over the past few years, and he just won't change sadly. He is going to be playing a solo acoustic show tonight from 8-10, so I am going to stop out there after the performance. I'm going to make it brief and to the point. If he blows up, I am just going to walk out the front door.
Even though we're firing him, I'm going to tell him that I would like to tell everyone else (and by that I mean the local music community, it's like high school all over again) that we simply had philosophical differences, and it was a mutual decision with all parties. I'm hoping he can agree to that so we all can save face and walk away peacefully. Unfortunately I have a feeling his pride and ego won't allow that, but I guess we'll see in a few hours...
Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it.
 
S

saxman

Guest
I've been in your EXACT situation before...I was a professional musician for several years, and I actually still gig around town. In fact, I had a falling out with a couple of guys that I had played with for decades a couple of years ago, and guess what? We still play together after a cooling off period, but I digress.
I dunno whether you differences are technical (sub par ability), artistic, or personal. I can say that if it's personal, that's the hardest thing to deal with as that is really hard to get around. If it's technical, he needs to practice until he can cut the gig. If it's artistic, he needs to realize that the band plays "this way" but he isn't contributing to the sound by going off on a tangent (used to play with a guy who was a really good lead guitarist, but that's all he did...he played lead the whole tune in his own little world).
You guys are all big boys, and every player isn't right for every project. He should understand that, and either move on, or you can give him a chance to fix whatever the problem is while he's on hiatus.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
If he is a man, he'll own up to it and move on. Tell him like it is. Be firm and dont let him back on this time. If its better for the band to be without him, then you (and your other members) will feel better as a group and be able to progress. Maybe instead of cutting him out of yalls lives, just cut him outta the band and then buy him a beer. Lol.
 
2quills

2quills

Well-Known Member
If you are going to make it brief and to the point I can almost assure you he will not take it like a friend lol. I think the longer that you've worked together that is going to make it tougher to take. I've had brief business dealings with friends in the past that didn't turn out so well and we were still able to hang out like friends later on down the road. But something like this could easily be the end of your friendship and if you valued it then I'd think he'd expect a little more than you'd give the typical employee that you just let go. Good luck.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
A friend of mine was on the receiving end of this. I don't know the exact details other than he says he really doesn't know why he got the ax. If you've talked to the guy before that really shouldn't be an issue. As long as you others have tried to resolve the issue prior to this it is on him and he'll just have to get over it. You are being a standup guy coming up with a solution that allows him to save face and not damage his reputation. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
Tell him that he is too good for the band, and that the other members can't handle his awesomness, so he may find that he is better off in a place that will make his career progress faster - where your band can't hold him back.
Now, that doesn't sound that bad, does it?
 
gemmy

gemmy

Active Member
I have had to fire a friend a couple of times and it bites. The best thing is to be direct and honest. Don't sugar coat and don't be overly harsh.
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Firing someone based on his lack of ability is very republican of you...
Just make sure he doesn't own the PA system...
 
theclemsonkid

theclemsonkid

Member
Well, I did the deed, and in typical fashion he reacted like the immature 13 year old girl he deep down is. He first brushed it off thinking it was all of my doing, until he then talked to the rest of the guys and realized this was a 100% group decision. Then that sent him over the edge. He first went to our bass player and said I'm starting a new band with all the same songs, and told him he had ten minutes to decide whether he was with him or us. Then he goes on Facebook and says "I'm no longer get a member of ********. Please disregard them if you are a fan or friend of mine. There is nothing friendly about a band break up." So I could see how he was going to be, so I went on our website and our facebook page and posted: "Just a quick note, we have decided to part ways with our guitar player ******* *******. We've not named a replacement yet, but will do so soon. All shows will go on as scheduled unless you hear otherwise on here or the website! We wish *** the absolute best moving forward. You can still catch him with **************; his Thursday night jam at Bender's in *********, and many other places across ***** county and the midwest. Thanks!
I'm going to take the high road here, and let him whine and complain to anyone who will listen, because I feel like that's going to make him look like the child, and us like the adult...
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheClemsonKid http:///t/393712/anyone-ever-had-to-fire-a-friend#post_3503285
Well, I did the deed, and in typical fashion he reacted like the immature 13 year old girl he deep down is. He first brushed it off thinking it was all of my doing, until he then talked to the rest of the guys and realized this was a 100% group decision. Then that sent him over the edge. He first went to our bass player and said I'm starting a new band with all the same songs, and told him he had ten minutes to decide whether he was with him or us. Then he goes on Facebook and says "I'm no longer get a member of ********. Please disregard them if you are a fan or friend of mine. There is nothing friendly about a band break up." So I could see how he was going to be, so I went on our website and our facebook page and posted: "Just a quick note, we have decided to part ways with our guitar player ******* *******. We've not named a replacement yet, but will do so soon. All shows will go on as scheduled unless you hear otherwise on here or the website! We wish *** the absolute best moving forward. You can still catch him with **************; his Thursday night jam at Bender's in *********, and many other places across ***** county and the midwest. Thanks!
I'm going to take the high road here, and let him whine and complain to anyone who will listen, because I feel like that's going to make him look like the child, and us like the adult...
Sammy, Is that you LOL! Tell Eddie to chill.
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
Taking the high road is the best choice. No matter that he has caused problems, he's probably feeling pretty upset about being kicked off but also loosing friends.
Tough thing to do, but you handled it good.
 
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