Best way to discipline a child?

yearofthenick

yearofthenick

Active Member
Up to this point, whenever our 2 1/2 year old daughter does something wrong, we tell her it's wrong and tell her to say "sorry." Sometimes she says it on-the-spot and it's over with, sometimes it takes a time-out, and sometimes it takes a spank, which we were vehemently against until about 6 months ago when time-outs stopped working.
But man, I've been having issues with her all morning. She threw a tantrum when we took her pacifier away after a nap (happens sometimes), and we have been trying to teach her that tantrums are wrong, so we tell her to say sorry. She is normally pretty good about it and will calm down, apologize, and it's over. But this morning, after numerous time-outs, spanks, and facing the wall, she refuses to apologize. It has been terrible. Finally I made a deal with her - I told her if she was sorry, to just give me a hug. Eventually she did. I can't help but feel like I'm compromising on my rules a little when I do something that means "You used to have to say 'sorry' but now I'll take a hug instead."
All the books I've read have said to be consistent. I want to be consistent, but I feel like I'm not when I change the rules like this.
Thoughts?
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
just wait till she's 16

The funny thing is as toddlers, my kids were freakin angels....BUT once they hit teenage years WATCH OUT!!!!!! 2 out of 4 anyway..lol....
GOOD LUCK
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
Cut off a digit. You only need to do this once. after this they will always listen to you. I recommend a toe. This way the shoe can hide any "evidence".
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
spank her. All my mom had to do was say pachi (the spanish slang work for a whooping) and instantly we were angels. Timeouts, and all the other stuff, were useless.
Just make sure everytime you whoop her, make sure it is cold calm and collected... Do it while you're mad, may lead to talking it to far. My mom would at times send us to the paddle room, and let us stew until she cooled down. Thus she doubled the effectiveness, we had all that time to think about what was coming, then we'd get it.
Our only chance was to do something so bad that she made my dad do something, without doing something he particularly cared about. Because if he was somewhere else mentally he wouldn't get us too hard, if we did something like feed our little sister hot chili tipins teling her they were candy, then that really wasn't pleasant.
 
garick

garick

Member
I have never had children so I cannot comment on what has worked for me. However, I can comment on what did well on me as a child.
Consistency is important, boundries and rules. Animals do it and it works well, spanking is fine as long as it doesn't become abusive because there is a difference.
As a child I was told these things on a daily basis. Stealing is wrong, drugs and smoking are bad, be considerate and kind to others because these things will be rewarded.
When I did something wrong, I was made to confess to it and my punishment fit the crime. Being made to stay in my room alone to think on what I did, or getting my ass busted. But mainly it was being told how things are and what was good/bad but children will be children and they will test your limits/boundaries to see what they can get away with plus everyone is different and what might work well for one, may fail miserably with another.
I am 30 now and I've never had a drink, a smoke or any sort of drugs my entire life. I try to be kind and generous to everyone and so far things have worked out.. So from a child's perspective.
 
S

saxman

Guest
she's testing the limits, and not being consistent may be part of the problem.
having had 3 kids myself, here's how it went:
time out was the most-used punishment if needed. the offending kid had to sit w/their back against the wall, doing NOTHING, but considering why they got there.
only the person who meted out the punishment had the authority to remove it.
before ending the session, the "punisher" would sit and ask if the kid understood why they were punished, and possible alternatives to the actions that got them there, then hugs and release from "the wall".
obviously, there were times when a swat was warranted, such as when there was no handy 'time out' spot, but i can't remember ever giving any of them a spanking.
BTW, it's none of my biz, but 2 1/2 is way too old for a pacifier...esp. if it's the source of a tantrum. sometimes, asking the kid to give it up is a good way to go...the "you're getting to be such a big girls, and big girls don't use them" (use somebody they really like as an example).
JM .02...
 
mrdc

mrdc

Active Member
I'm very consistent with my two daughters and I do spank and put in time outs. My oldest can't stand getting into trouble and is easy to handle (for now). My 4 year old is completely different. She is a big whiner which gets under my skin so bad. She doesn't like getting into trouble yet she gets in a lot of it. I will continue my punishment methods and hopefully I will get her under control. I think it would also be easier if my wife did some discipline too. However, I seem to do all the discipline which I guess is why they cling to my wife more than they do me.
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing! LOL
Right now, she is testing limits. You have to define what is acceptable in a way she can understand with reasonable expectations for a 2 year old. Don't give in, both parents must be consistent with discipline, and both parents must be on the same page with how to handle problems. When discipline is administered, don't feed in to the the child's bad reactions, or tantrum by acting bad, mad, or childish yourself. Don't ever give in to a tantrum. And don't harp about if you say "sorry" then everything will be ok. Stay calm and in charge and administer the discipline. Always reward good behavior, not with money or toys, but with praise and reinforcement. After the tantrum, if the child then acts and does what she is supposed to do, then its time for good reinforcement from you for that behavior.
Also, it may be time to ween off the pacifier. Discuss that with your pediatrician.
 
yearofthenick

yearofthenick

Active Member
Originally Posted by saxman
http:///forum/post/3256082
BTW, it's none of my biz, but 2 1/2 is way too old for a pacifier...esp. if it's the source of a tantrum. sometimes, asking the kid to give it up is a good way to go...the "you're getting to be such a big girls, and big girls don't use them" (use somebody they really like as an example).
I totally agree. We know it's time, and the last thing we want is to take her to kindergarten with a pacifier. We have been studying this for a few weeks now. Some suggested throwing a party, kind of like a rite of passage-type thing. Others said the "pacifier fairy" can come and get it, then the fairy will leave a gift. But because I'm a 20-something guy, I'm not too big a fan of doing anything with "fairy" in it, but it's probably the route we'll end up taking... :)
 
yearofthenick

yearofthenick

Active Member
Originally Posted by Beth
http:///forum/post/3256111
Also, it may be time to ween off the pacifier. Discuss that with your pediatrician.
I totally agree. Here in california, most pediatricians will tell you they can have the pacifier as old a 4 years of age!!! Can you believe it?!?!
I have a good feeling that because of this tantrum and how long it took to get her to cooperate, its going to be tonight. Wish me luck. I'm fairly certain it will mean that no one will get much sleep tonight... Only slightly more sleep tomorrow, and so on until eventually she forgets about it.
The hardest part is that we also have a 2-month old and we have pacifiers for him. We saw her steal one from him and she got punished for it. What is it with children and pacifiers? Its like infant crack or something.
 
lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
my son had is pacifier until 4ish. Blankets until middle of kindergarten. Pacifier or blankets didn't leave the house. (and he was fine and is fine socially, developmentally etc) Both of these items actually soothed him. I don't know......when it comes to kids, I pick my battles. The pacifier versus just plain bad behavior needs to be separated. Kids are great, but man o man. The things that come out of my mouth shock me. I heard all of these things from my grandma and I S W O R E I would NEVER say that to my kids.
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
LOL....I have always hated pacifiers...never used them with my 1st 3 kids....had no choice with the last cause he was a preemie, and he had to be tube fed at first, so they gave him a pacifier so he would learn how to suck.....BELIEVE ME.....I got it away from him asap...
It's too late now, but you should have taken it away before the new baby.....I know...hindsight huh
AND I AM CURIOUS.....why do you have to ask a pediatrician about taking away a pacifier????/
 
cranberry

cranberry

Active Member
As much as I love these little Hole Plugs... I pray to the Hole Plug God nightly..... but if they are sporting a mouth full of teeth, it can shape the bite (undesirably).
 
S

smartorl

Guest
Keep in mind, consistancy can be hard, it can be exhausting but it will pay off in the future. If you don't lay down the boundaries now and mean them, it will be 1,000 times harder when she gets older. She is definitely testing the boundaries to see how far she can push, that is totally natural, some people see this as being willful or an omen of things to come and I don't feel that way at all.
My daughter, my first, really tested me, I was pregnant with her brother when she was two and she wore me out.
Some days it was all I could do just to get a simple task accomplished but I didn't give into her.
Later, I was able to relax as the groundwork was there, when my more lenient friends (I was considered too strict) were struggling to get simple respect from their children, mine were accustomed to it so nothing new. Trust me, you don't want to have to try and lay down boundaries with a 13 year old.
Pick your battles, my daughter had her "paci" until she was almost three. It's no different than a kid wanting a blanket or special toy, it soothed her. The more she was around other kids, the more she noticed they didn't have them. One day after coming home from playgroup, she walked in and tossed it into the trash, no explanation, it was never replaced. It was like turning off a switch.
At that time, I felt I had much bigger fish to fry!
 
cranberry

cranberry

Active Member
Just make sure it is gone before the permanent teeth come in.
And I'd leave it in the house. I would not want my child licking the underside of someones shoe, and that's basically what they'll be doing when they drop it when you're not looking.
 
S

smartorl

Guest
My younger two never used them. My oldest daughter went to visit grandpa while I went to a doctor's appointment. I came home and she was diapered with a kitchen towel and had a pacifier in her mouth. From that point on, she was addicted to it! There were times when I could picture her high school graduation pictures with it in her mouth, lol.
 
cranberry

cranberry

Active Member
I had a white blankie that my mom finally had to steal from me. I loved that blankie.
Blankie! Where are you!
 
S

smartorl

Guest
My best friends son had a stuffed Grover, that thing got nasty! In the end he was a tuft of blue fur but still much loved.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top