Best way to discipline a child?
- Thread starter yearofthenick
- Start date
flower
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by YearOfTheNick
http:///forum/post/3256062
Up to this point, whenever our 2 1/2 year old daughter does something wrong, we tell her it's wrong and tell her to say "sorry." Sometimes she says it on-the-spot and it's over with, sometimes it takes a time-out, and sometimes it takes a spank, which we were vehemently against until about 6 months ago when time-outs stopped working.
But man, I've been having issues with her all morning. She threw a tantrum when we took her pacifier away after a nap (happens sometimes), and we have been trying to teach her that tantrums are wrong, so we tell her to say sorry. She is normally pretty good about it and will calm down, apologize, and it's over. But this morning, after numerous time-outs, spanks, and facing the wall, she refuses to apologize. It has been terrible. Finally I made a deal with her - I told her if she was sorry, to just give me a hug. Eventually she did. I can't help but feel like I'm compromising on my rules a little when I do something that means "You used to have to say 'sorry' but now I'll take a hug instead."
All the books I've read have said to be consistent. I want to be consistent, but I feel like I'm not when I change the rules like this.
Thoughts?
Wow parenting is a tough one. There is a show called Super Nanny, I am not kidding that lady has some great methods to help young parents raise their children. It’s like an instruction book. I wish I had such a resource when my children were little. My daughter is using these methods for my grandchildren.
Here are two things Super Nanny recommends:
A pacifier is something your child will have to give up on her own, you can’t just take it away. Talk her into giving it to the pacifier fairy..balloons that will float them all away (gather all pacifiers throughout the home) to other children who needs them, and in place give her a toy to cherish. Seeing the balloon take them away is a very strong way to let her see it is gone for good.
Instead of a “time out” have a specific spot called a naughty spot, show her the new spot and what it will be used for… and have her sit there when she has first been warned of what will happen and if she does not comply with whatever rule, then have her sit one minute for each year of age.
If she gets up do not engage in conversation, silently place her back in her naughty spot, no matter how many times she may first get up…keep putting her back. Afterwards before letting her up, ask if she understands what she did wrong then ask for an apology…give her a hug and let it go. Make sure to give the warning first so she can try and behave on her own without punishment.
It works believe me.
P.S.
Sorry , you have another child who needs a pacifier...I read it after...The ballon method won't work.
lovethesea
Active Member
too late to tell you NOT to have kids!
Seriously, when I had my first child, we had all sorts of trouble. Colic, sleeping issues, I was sick etc. I remember while I was prego, all the women around me soooo excited etc. A few months into my daughters life, I said something to my cousin. I said "why doesnt anyone tell you how hard this is?" She laughed/sighed........"its just not worth it......nothing we can say or do would make you change your mind". Haaaahaaaa.!!
So, with that said, we all have our ways that work, we all thankfully have pushed through......onto different challenges of childhood/teenage/adolesence etc. In the end, I woulnd't take back a bit of it. Well, except a few things.
You will move through this. No books, dr's, friends, us, etc can solve this. We can just lend an insightful hand. Don't let any of this come between you and your wife, and most of all don't lose a lot of sleep over this. She is 2 and she is making her way also. Like I said in my earlier post, picking battles will be key from here on out. In my grandmothers words
"this to shall pass"
So, with that said, we all have our ways that work, we all thankfully have pushed through......onto different challenges of childhood/teenage/adolesence etc. In the end, I woulnd't take back a bit of it. Well, except a few things.
"this to shall pass"
yearofthenick
Active Member
Okay folks, the pacifier fairy is coming tonight. This afternoon we gave her a gift bag and she wrapped her pacifier up in it, and we placed it on top of her dresser (where we normally keep the pacifiers) and said the fairy will come tonight and pick it up, giving her a gift in return.
Then we went out for ice cream and kept on re-affirming that she was a big girl now because she gave her pacifier to the pacifier fairy. When we got home, she even asked to sit on the potty and pooped in it for the first time! I think she really wants to be a big girl!
But tonight was the big test. We put her down and she pouted a little bit... asked for her pacifier a few times, but we reminded her of the fairy and she went to sleep without a single tear. Thank God.
The hardest part is the gift our daughter will get in return. She saw a book that she liked at a toy store... one of those annoying interactive ones with buttons that make shrieking noises when you push them... the books that have one volume level... LOUD.
But she knew we bought that book. And she wanted to play with it when we brought it home last week. And she's asked about it since. She's a real smart one and I have a feeling she'll catch that the jig is up when she sees the "fairy" got the same exact book we purchased last week.
Plus, my love language is giving gifts, so I want to give her something insanely big on an occasion like this. We used to have an ipod touch and I loaded Finding Nemo and Cars movies on it - she loved it! But she was very sad when we sold it - maybe I'll go pick one up for her again tomorrow. Spoiled? I know.
Don't flame me about it because I haven't done anything yet. My wife has the book in a gift bag already and we'll probably just end up using that... but I still want to get her something awesome. This book will just add to the sea of books she has... the library of books that she "reads" once and never gives a second look.
Then we went out for ice cream and kept on re-affirming that she was a big girl now because she gave her pacifier to the pacifier fairy. When we got home, she even asked to sit on the potty and pooped in it for the first time! I think she really wants to be a big girl!
But tonight was the big test. We put her down and she pouted a little bit... asked for her pacifier a few times, but we reminded her of the fairy and she went to sleep without a single tear. Thank God.
The hardest part is the gift our daughter will get in return. She saw a book that she liked at a toy store... one of those annoying interactive ones with buttons that make shrieking noises when you push them... the books that have one volume level... LOUD.
But she knew we bought that book. And she wanted to play with it when we brought it home last week. And she's asked about it since. She's a real smart one and I have a feeling she'll catch that the jig is up when she sees the "fairy" got the same exact book we purchased last week.
Plus, my love language is giving gifts, so I want to give her something insanely big on an occasion like this. We used to have an ipod touch and I loaded Finding Nemo and Cars movies on it - she loved it! But she was very sad when we sold it - maybe I'll go pick one up for her again tomorrow. Spoiled? I know.
Don't flame me about it because I haven't done anything yet. My wife has the book in a gift bag already and we'll probably just end up using that... but I still want to get her something awesome. This book will just add to the sea of books she has... the library of books that she "reads" once and never gives a second look.
al&burke
Active Member
My wife and I had problems with pacifiers as well, our son had it till he was 4. He only had it at home and when we were out he never used it. My wife used the same idea of a Fairy, she told our son that he was old enough to not have a pacifier (our nickname for it was a doody) so we put them all in a box and said that the Doody Fairy was coming to collect them and give them to other kids that really needed them. We put them in a special box at night and in the morning they were gone, I made sure of that. This worked like magic. Love kids wish I had more, good luck.
mrdc
Active Member
I wish my second child would have taken to a pacifier like my first child did. We were able to remove her pacifier before she turned 1. My second child sucks on her index and middle fingers and it has already made her two front teeth turn inwards somewhat. She is 4 now and we don't know how to get her to stop. Anytime I see her with them, I tell her to take the fingers out of her mouth. We have also told the daycare to tell her to take them out too. Maybe I need to put some hot sauce on them.
lovethesea
Active Member
our daughter sucked her thumb all the time, then she realized in pre school that her friends didn't. She only did it at home and espeically at night while asleep. To the point if we tried to pull her thumb out while sleeping, we could barely get it out.
She had to have a palate expander placed in her mouth when she was 8. That was the only thing that stopped the thumb sucking at night. Anything placed on fingers can get into eyes. There is something you can use that I think just have a terrible taste. We never tried that........
She had to have a palate expander placed in her mouth when she was 8. That was the only thing that stopped the thumb sucking at night. Anything placed on fingers can get into eyes. There is something you can use that I think just have a terrible taste. We never tried that........
flower
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by YearOfTheNick
http:///forum/post/3256296
Okay folks, the pacifier fairy is coming tonight. This afternoon we gave her a gift bag and she wrapped her pacifier up in it, and we placed it on top of her dresser (where we normally keep the pacifiers) and said the fairy will come tonight and pick it up, giving her a gift in return.
Then we went out for ice cream and kept on re-affirming that she was a big girl now because she gave her pacifier to the pacifier fairy. When we got home, she even asked to sit on the potty and pooped in it for the first time! I think she really wants to be a big girl!
But tonight was the big test. We put her down and she pouted a little bit... asked for her pacifier a few times, but we reminded her of the fairy and she went to sleep without a single tear. Thank God.
The hardest part is the gift our daughter will get in return. She saw a book that she liked at a toy store... one of those annoying interactive ones with buttons that make shrieking noises when you push them... the books that have one volume level... LOUD.
But she knew we bought that book. And she wanted to play with it when we brought it home last week. And she's asked about it since. She's a real smart one and I have a feeling she'll catch that the jig is up when she sees the "fairy" got the same exact book we purchased last week.
Plus, my love language is giving gifts, so I want to give her something insanely big on an occasion like this. We used to have an ipod touch and I loaded Finding Nemo and Cars movies on it - she loved it! But she was very sad when we sold it - maybe I'll go pick one up for her again tomorrow. Spoiled? I know.
Don't flame me about it because I haven't done anything yet. My wife has the book in a gift bag already and we'll probably just end up using that... but I still want to get her something awesome. This book will just add to the sea of books she has... the library of books that she "reads" once and never gives a second look.
If it isn’t too late…I would get her a different gift, not necessarily a bigger better thing just different than the book she already has seen. I am not sure how well things will go with another child having one while she lets hers go…but if she went to sleep last night without it you are doing great!..
At least with a pacifier you can take it away, my cousin sucked her thumb when she went to sleep until she was 10. There are no thumb fairies without someone going to jail....
http:///forum/post/3256296
Okay folks, the pacifier fairy is coming tonight. This afternoon we gave her a gift bag and she wrapped her pacifier up in it, and we placed it on top of her dresser (where we normally keep the pacifiers) and said the fairy will come tonight and pick it up, giving her a gift in return.
Then we went out for ice cream and kept on re-affirming that she was a big girl now because she gave her pacifier to the pacifier fairy. When we got home, she even asked to sit on the potty and pooped in it for the first time! I think she really wants to be a big girl!
But tonight was the big test. We put her down and she pouted a little bit... asked for her pacifier a few times, but we reminded her of the fairy and she went to sleep without a single tear. Thank God.
The hardest part is the gift our daughter will get in return. She saw a book that she liked at a toy store... one of those annoying interactive ones with buttons that make shrieking noises when you push them... the books that have one volume level... LOUD.
But she knew we bought that book. And she wanted to play with it when we brought it home last week. And she's asked about it since. She's a real smart one and I have a feeling she'll catch that the jig is up when she sees the "fairy" got the same exact book we purchased last week.
Plus, my love language is giving gifts, so I want to give her something insanely big on an occasion like this. We used to have an ipod touch and I loaded Finding Nemo and Cars movies on it - she loved it! But she was very sad when we sold it - maybe I'll go pick one up for her again tomorrow. Spoiled? I know.
Don't flame me about it because I haven't done anything yet. My wife has the book in a gift bag already and we'll probably just end up using that... but I still want to get her something awesome. This book will just add to the sea of books she has... the library of books that she "reads" once and never gives a second look.
If it isn’t too late…I would get her a different gift, not necessarily a bigger better thing just different than the book she already has seen. I am not sure how well things will go with another child having one while she lets hers go…but if she went to sleep last night without it you are doing great!..
At least with a pacifier you can take it away, my cousin sucked her thumb when she went to sleep until she was 10. There are no thumb fairies without someone going to jail....
lovethesea
Active Member
Flower;3256344. There are no thumb fairies without someone going to jail....[img said:https://forums.saltwaterfish.com/data/smilies/laughing.gif[/img]
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3256355
LOL...My sister sucked her thumb till she was 18:
cranberry
Active Member
Originally Posted by Flower
http:///forum/post/3256344
There are no thumb fairies without someone going to jail....
Bahahahaha!
I would have snuck in there with the bitter apple stuff and painted her thumb. Yikes when she put that in her mouth.
http:///forum/post/3256344
There are no thumb fairies without someone going to jail....
Bahahahaha!
I would have snuck in there with the bitter apple stuff and painted her thumb. Yikes when she put that in her mouth.
reefraff
Active Member
Originally Posted by Cranberry
http:///forum/post/3256381
Bahahahaha!
I would have snuck in there with the bitter apple stuff and painted her thumb. Yikes when she put that in her mouth.
My first ex wife's son was a thumb sucker. We tried everything you could think of, even some very hot taco sauce. He would make a funny face for the first few seconds then it was business as usual, that kid was determined.
http:///forum/post/3256381
Bahahahaha!
I would have snuck in there with the bitter apple stuff and painted her thumb. Yikes when she put that in her mouth.
My first ex wife's son was a thumb sucker. We tried everything you could think of, even some very hot taco sauce. He would make a funny face for the first few seconds then it was business as usual, that kid was determined.
yearofthenick
Active Member
Success! No issues throughout the night and when she woke up this morning, she was overjoyed to see the new gift bag. Hasn't asked for the pacifier once. She loves the book and has been playing with it all morning. Whats interesting is when my wife took out the book, my daughter said "daddy bought that for me!" and my wife said "yes, and he gave it to the fairy to give to you!"
crypt keeper
Active Member
im gonna beat my kids with a belt.
flower
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by YearOfTheNick
http:///forum/post/3256401
Success! No issues throughout the night and when she woke up this morning, she was overjoyed to see the new gift bag. Hasn't asked for the pacifier once. She loves the book and has been playing with it all morning. Whats interesting is when my wife took out the book, my daughter said "daddy bought that for me!" and my wife said "yes, and he gave it to the fairy to give to you!"
I love em at that stage in life...You did good!
http:///forum/post/3256401
Success! No issues throughout the night and when she woke up this morning, she was overjoyed to see the new gift bag. Hasn't asked for the pacifier once. She loves the book and has been playing with it all morning. Whats interesting is when my wife took out the book, my daughter said "daddy bought that for me!" and my wife said "yes, and he gave it to the fairy to give to you!"
I love em at that stage in life...You did good!