Bullying and Generation X

phixer

Active Member
The trend to stop bullying? I have mixed ideas about it. Most kids get bullied at some point but eventually man up, overcome the cowardice and confront the bully. Thats how we did it growing up, but gen X was much tougher IMHO. The trend now seems to be non confrontational and the exact opposite of what we learned growing up. Personally, Id rather my kid learn to be a man than flee.
 

beth

Administrator
Staff member
I think the biggest problem now is that the bullying extends beyond school grounds and behind the curtain of the Internet. The gay student video taped in his dorm by his roommate then the vid posted online. The teens who are brutal online are faceless. Also, if you "man up" now, you and the bully could end up in jail together.

There really should be zero tolerance for bullying. No one should have to man up, though I don't have a problem with a bullied kid taking the initiative and beating the tar out of his tormentor. Would you want your daughter to also man up against a group of older kids that could include males and females? Its not the old days anymore.
 

flower

Well-Known Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phixer http:///t/396634/bullying-and-generation-x#post_3534152
The trend to stop bullying? I have mixed ideas about it. Most kids get bullied at some point but eventually man up, overcome the cowardice and confront the bully. Thats how we did it growing up, but gen X was much tougher IMHO. The trend now seems to be non confrontational and the exact opposite of what we learned growing up. Personally, Id rather my kid learn to be a man than flee.


When I was growing up, I got BEAT UP...not picked on. I hit the ground running after school to make it home before they caught up to me. I lived in Chicago, and I wasn't Puerto Rican, that was my crime. They hunt in packs, if I got caught by them, I had to fight no less then 5 girls.

The rest of the school did "pick" on me, if they didn't, the pack would turn on them. I got straight Fs, I couldn't concentrate on class. My Mother tells me she was picked on, they called her "Miss Chair" because she mispronounced the word once...she had straight As all her life, but that semester she got all Ds.

Bulling is a problem, not a learning experience. FINALLY the schools are doing something about it.

My son got picked on, I told him walk away. My husband got wind of it, and told Nick that as long as he didn't start the fight, he was allowed to finish it. That same day...I got a call, my son had punched another student 3xs in the face and crushed his upper pallet, the boy was in the hospital. The boys parents tried to sue us...I proved in court the boy was the bully (long interesting story that I won't go into). For 7 months the teachers, and the Coach had seen Nick walk away from the bully and his friends (still hunting in packs I guess).

I was angry at the teachers and coach... but I held my tongue because they were trying to help Nick, and testified on his behalf. They had seen what was going on for 7 months and did nothing. It all could have been prevented.
 
S

saxman

Guest
The trouble is that often, the schools won't do anything to the bullies.

There was a kid who bullied my oldest son in elemetary school, I wrote letters, I had meetings, but the new principle always made excuses that he had it tuff at home, yadda, yadda. Finally, my daughter (2.5 years older), who is very much a girl, caught the kid hitting her brother and beat the snot out of him...he never bothered his classmates again. The thing that REALLY got me was this was a private parochial school, so I was paying for the privilege of my son getting hassled.

I was harassed a lot in elemetary school, because I was the wrong color, and smart in class...I quit putting my hand up when the teacher asked questions, and I swore my kids would never have to deal with being bullied, which is one of the reasons the kids were in private school in the first place.

I do see the shift in things tho, and I think there's a problem...even in kids' sports (particularly AYSO), it's very touchy-feely. If a kid makes a mistake, it's "That's OK...good idea..." instead of letting the kid know they messed up. If a team is more than 4 goals ahead, the other team is supposed to stop scoring so the other team doesn't get creamed and feel bad. So you move your top players back, or sub them out, but at that point how do you tell the kids who are now playing forward NOT to score when they rarely get to shoot the ball just so the other team doesn't feel the sting of losing? Guess what? If you lose, you try harder next time...you practice harder, you get prepared so you have a better chance of winning. I'm ANYTHING but a "win-win-win" person, but come ON...you will lose games, and yes, it feels bad to lose.

I don't think we're doing our kids any favors by sugar-coating EVERYTHING...not good life lessons there. Employers don't say "We're laying you off, but good idea..."
 

phixer

Active Member
Flower, Id be proud of him. It sounds like you guys raised him well and he's a respectable young man. It's not like he's going around attacking people but now Im sure those bullies respect him and he wont be so easily challenged. Not to mention he demonstrated more courage that the schools bureaucrats ever could. Good for him.

Saxman
, thats exactly the point I was trying to make. I wonder about this as I've lived in many countries and see our culture as getting weaker in comparison in every way. Boys challenge each other, thats what they do. I wonder if we are creating a nation of sissys?

Interesting perspectives. It's really neat to hear other opinions. I got bullied a lot as a kid until I learned to stand up for myself and overcome cowardice, you win some and you lose some.

In the global picture all throughout life there will be bullies, in the business world and on the street. Courage should be encouraged not discouraged.

I like the mentality of speaking softly and carrying a big stick rather than speaking softly and carrying no stick.
 

beth

Administrator
Staff member
Well, I don't have a problem as in Flower's situation, with the bully getting what he deserves, but not every kid is cut out or even built to take on a crowd of bullies. Much of this occurs in schools and yes the adults in school turn a blind eye. Why do they? If I saw that happening to a kid, watch out bully. I'd be the next one in jail.
 

deejeff442

Active Member
ever see Bad Santa? imo one of the funniest movies ever. but the part where billy thorton whooped the blond bullys rear end ,then showed the kid how to fight(sort of) at the end the kid kicked the bully in the jewels. i watch this movie at least 3 times a year .saw it a couple weeks ago already.
 

flower

Well-Known Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phixer http:///t/396634/bullying-and-generation-x#post_3534173
Flower
, Id be proud of him. It sounds like you guys raised him well and he's a respectable young man. It's not like he's going around attacking people but now Im sure those bullies respect him and he wont be so easily challenged. Not to mention he demonstrated more courage that the schools bureaucrats ever could. Good for him.



Hi,

Secretly, I was proud of him. In the end, when it was my turn to testify for my son...I told the Judge that I too had been bullied, and if I had the physical power to crush the bully's face, I would have done so in a second. They wanted Nick to at least take anger management...I argued that any kid that would put up with being bullied for 7 months before lashing out, didn't have an anger problem.

The end of the story is that Nick was considered a dangerous person in a fight. I had to go to the school board to get him reinstated into school. It was determined by the school board, that if he got into any more fights...regardless of the circumstances, he would be kicked out of the public school system altogether. Nick was in 8th grade when this happened.

Fast forward to the end of Junior year of high-school...a young girl was being grabbed and groped by three students in a hall, Nick trying to help the girl, took up for her, and the boys got into a fight. It didn't matter how much time had passed, it didn't matter why there was a fight, it didn't matter...it was a fight, and Nick was kicked permanently out of the public school system. He finished school by getting a GED. I didn't have the money to send him to a private school, I doubt they would have accepted him anyway with the reputation of being a dangerous kid, and he really wasn't, but when he fights, it's serious. The boys were not going to rape the girl, they knew each other, she was in no danger, and didn't cry out for help...they were grabbing her rear and boobs and she was yelling at them
. Nick just played the unsolicited hero role, and it cost him dearly.

I agree about not allowing children to mature because you coddle them. They need to learn to manage the bullies of the world, they are everywhere, even in the work place. However there are other ways of handling the problem without fists or often in some cases nowadays, weapons. In the end, when it comes to violence, there are no winners.
 

darthtang aw

Active Member

Hi,
Secretly, I was proud of him. In the end, when it was my turn to testify for my son...I told the Judge that I too had been bullied, and if I had the physical power to crush the bully's face, I would have done so in a second. They wanted Nick to at least take anger management...I argued that any kid that would put up with being bullied for 7 months before lashing out, didn't have an anger problem.
The end of the story is that Nick was considered a dangerous person in a fight. I had to go to the school board to get him reinstated into school. It was determined by the school board, that if he got into any more fights...regardless of the circumstances, he would be kicked out of the public school system altogether. Nick was in 8th grade when this happened.
Fast forward to the end of Junior year of high-school...a young girl was being grabbed and groped by three students in a hall, Nick trying to help the girl, took up for her, and the boys got into a fight. It didn't matter how much time had passed, it didn't matter why there was a fight, it didn't matter...it was a fight, and Nick was kicked permanently out of the public school system. He finished school by getting a GED. I didn't have the money to send him to a private school, I doubt they would have accepted him anyway with the reputation of being a dangerous kid, and he really wasn't, but when he fights, it's serious. The boys were not going to rape the girl, they knew each other, she was in no danger, and didn't cry out for help...they were grabbing her rear and boobs and she was yelling at them
. Nick just played the unsolicited hero role, and it cost him dearly.
I agree about not allowing children to mature because you coddle them. They need to learn to manage the bullies of the world, they are everywhere, even in the work place. However there are other ways of handling the problem without fists or often in some cases nowadays, weapons. In the end, when it comes to violence, there are no winners.
This is why some no longer help their fellow human being.....They get in trouble as well.
 

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
I was also picked on in school. I let em' run over me most of the time, but the one time that I took control of the situation, I was the one that got in trouble for it. It doesn't pay to defend yourself anymore.

Yes, there is a lot of cyber-bullying in the world right now, but there is also an "un-friend, un-like" buttons everywhere, which you can choose your content. Kids these days just have to be smarter, and make smarter decisions on who they want to listen to... and for how long.
 

2quills

Well-Known Member
Who draws the line on what is bully behavior and what isn't? These rules are starting to get some kids kicked out of school who maybe shouldn't be.
 

phixer

Active Member
How does nature handle aggression? Policies and laws dont stop or deter aggression they are hollow without enforcement. The individual draws the line based on frequency of aggression. I.e. If my kid is coming home beat up, I teach them how to defend themselves. If my kid is coming home shamed I teach them some good yo mamma jokes. Many types of bullying, to include intellectual bullying exist as well. I would never depend or rely/depend upon any broken and dysfunctional type of legislative process composed of bureaucrats to fix this problem. This system is what has prospered the bully to begin with. The system always fails because politicians dont live in the same world, they pretend to understand but never have. A curve ball to this would be to look at the bullies in our aquariums. How do we fix the problem and how does nature fix the problem. Defense mechanisms evolve.

Quills Your exactly right, the system is punishing good kids who demonstrate courage by standing up for themselves. This is because of a cultural shift within society that fears confrontation and embraces cowardice (it is also happening economically on a global scale). Fortunately the real world and nature doesn't work this way.

And thats the difference between leadership and politics. Leaders do what is right, politicians do what is popular and make more rules which actually inhibit the fix or natural way of things. Most Public school districts are run by these politicians (not leaders) who fear being labeled or sued so they fail to expel these thugs.

Tenure and labor unions protect them from being "dismissed for cause" so they never have to demonstrate any real leadership or responsibility as long as they dont rock the boat or make waves life is good at the expense of the poor kid getting pushed around.

Conversely, there will always be bullies everywhere in life and the best re-course is to teach the underdog kids how to stand up for themselves rather than depend/rely on a failed system of politicians and bureaucrats to protect them. Both intellectually and physically without reliance on any type of bureaucratic process. True in life IMHO.

The martial arts have taught me a great deal about kindess/courage/cowardice/humility/restraint/aggression/leadership and politics.

So who draws the line...Those who have the means to stop aggression bare the responsibility to stop aggression directly. Edmund Burke put it well...The only thing needed for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.
 

2quills

Well-Known Member
Yeah I think I hear my neighbor screaming that there's a burglar in her house and she's being raped. I'd be happy to go over there and blow the guy's head off but I'm afraid if I do that then I'll be brought up on murder or weapons charges. And if the perp happens to be black then I'll be branded a racist as well and people will come after me. No thanks, guess the neighbor's gonna get raped. What to do...
Actually, here in Texas, I probably could blow the guy's head off and be just fine. Gosh it would be nice to be our own country again. Sigh
 

phixer

Active Member
So true. George Zimmerman was acquitted because he was innocent, plain and simple. Focusing on the facts, the outcome had nothing to do with race, people made it into a racial issue as an attempt to abuse the legal system to exercise their racism. Surprisingly justice was served because enough people saw thru this deception. Folks like "Rev" Al Sharpton and "Rev" Jessie Jackson have made a good living "churching" up this propaganda. I believe JJs son is currently in prison on charges of fraud, conspiracy and making false statements... the apple dosent fall far from the tree.

In the scenario you presented... dead men tell no lies and the rape victim would have her life due to your courage and would probably testify to that on your behalf. Not to mention the indirect contributions made to society by saving tax payers the money to incarcerate the scumbag and in preventing him from ever doing it again.

Doing what is right is normally unpopular in this upside down society we live in today. Texas is perhaps the best state in the nation when it comes to proportional justice.
 
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