funnier than a chuck norris joke
- Thread starter fisherson
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matty0h_52
Member
Heres a good one
Horse walks into a bar....goes up to the bartender...bartender turns around and says "hey why the long face"........ :hilarious
socal57che
Active Member
A homeless guy walked into a bar.................
OUCH!!
OUCH!!
nicetry
Active Member
Two guys are walking their dogs, a doberman and a chihuahua, and come across their favorite bar. One guy says to his friend "man I could really go for a cold one right now." His friend agreed but said, "we can't go in there with these dogs. We'll have to come back another time." The first guy quickly brainstorms an idea, pulls out a pair of sunglasses and tells his friend to follow his lead. The man puts on the dark glasses and walks into the bar with the doberman. The bartender immediately yells to him "hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here." The man replied "Excuse me sir, but I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog. He goes where I go, and the law allows me to take the dog anywhere I want."
Embarassed, the bartender apologizes and offers the man a free drink.
Outside, the other man is watching, and seeing how well the plan is working, puts on his sunglasses and walks in to the bar, dragging the chihuahua behind him.
The bartender looks up and yells to him "hey mac! Get that dog outta my bar", to which the second man yelled back "look mister, this is my seeing eye dog and he goes where I go." The bartender starts laughing and says "you mean to tell me that chihuahua is a seeing eye dog!?" The second man indignantly screams "WHAT!! They gave me a chihuahua!?"
Embarassed, the bartender apologizes and offers the man a free drink.
Outside, the other man is watching, and seeing how well the plan is working, puts on his sunglasses and walks in to the bar, dragging the chihuahua behind him.
The bartender looks up and yells to him "hey mac! Get that dog outta my bar", to which the second man yelled back "look mister, this is my seeing eye dog and he goes where I go." The bartender starts laughing and says "you mean to tell me that chihuahua is a seeing eye dog!?" The second man indignantly screams "WHAT!! They gave me a chihuahua!?"
pbienkiewi
Member
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge
I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story?
The
[hr]
hole is usually in charge
I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story?
The
[hr]
hole is usually in charge
jmick
Active Member
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the phone book and sure enough, there's an ad for "bear removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. The bear remover replies, "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
jmick
Active Member
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Seamus O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone has got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet?" Gallagher says. "I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me." He goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers. Gallagher says, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife. "I'll go tell him," says Gallagher
ruaround
Active Member
Any Joke is funnier than a Chuck Norris Joke!!!
A rope walks into a bar, sits down on a stool and orders a drink.
The bartender looks at it and says "are you a rope?"
The rope responds "Yes"
The bardender says "get out of here we dont serve ropes"
The rope gets up and leaves the bar. Outside he stops and ties part of himself into a knot and frays one end of him and walks back into the bar sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender looks at him for a couple seconds and says "Are you a rope?"
"Nope" the rope responds "Im Frayed Knot!"
A rope walks into a bar, sits down on a stool and orders a drink.
The bartender looks at it and says "are you a rope?"
The rope responds "Yes"
The bardender says "get out of here we dont serve ropes"
The rope gets up and leaves the bar. Outside he stops and ties part of himself into a knot and frays one end of him and walks back into the bar sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender looks at him for a couple seconds and says "Are you a rope?"
"Nope" the rope responds "Im Frayed Knot!"
ruaround
Active Member
alright one more...
A pirate walks into the bar.
The barman inquires about his hook.
"Arr, this thing? Pirateers did it, the scurvy curses. They attacked our ship and killed half my crew before we managed to overpower them. That's how I got me wooden leg too."
The barman winced. "And the eyepatch too, I suppose?".
"Narrrr. A bird crapped in my eye."
The barman laughed uproariously. "You lost your eye because a bird crapped in it?".
The pirate nodded. "Aye. It was me first day with the hook."
A pirate walks into the bar.
The barman inquires about his hook.
"Arr, this thing? Pirateers did it, the scurvy curses. They attacked our ship and killed half my crew before we managed to overpower them. That's how I got me wooden leg too."
The barman winced. "And the eyepatch too, I suppose?".
"Narrrr. A bird crapped in my eye."
The barman laughed uproariously. "You lost your eye because a bird crapped in it?".
The pirate nodded. "Aye. It was me first day with the hook."
S
surfinusa
Guest
Originally Posted by pbienkiewi
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge
I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story?
The
[hr]
hole is usually in charge
:hilarious
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge
I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story?
The
[hr]
hole is usually in charge
:hilarious
S
surfinusa
Guest
Originally Posted by Squidd
An Egg, some Bacon and a piece of Toast walk into a Bar...
Bartender says...
"Sorry, We don't serve breakfast here..."
:hilarious
An Egg, some Bacon and a piece of Toast walk into a Bar...
Bartender says...
"Sorry, We don't serve breakfast here..."
:hilarious
S
surfinusa
Guest
Originally Posted by nicetry
Two guys are walking their dogs, a doberman and a chihuahua, and come across their favorite bar. One guy says to his friend "man I could really go for a cold one right now." His friend agreed but said, "we can't go in there with these dogs. We'll have to come back another time." The first guy quickly brainstorms an idea, pulls out a pair of sunglasses and tells his friend to follow his lead. The man puts on the dark glasses and walks into the bar with the doberman. The bartender immediately yells to him "hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here." The man replied "Excuse me sir, but I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog. He goes where I go, and the law allows me to take the dog anywhere I want."
Embarassed, the bartender apologizes and offers the man a free drink.
Outside, the other man is watching, and seeing how well the plan is working, puts on his sunglasses and walks in to the bar, dragging the chihuahua behind him.
The bartender looks up and yells to him "hey mac! Get that dog outta my bar", to which the second man yelled back "look mister, this is my seeing eye dog and he goes where I go." The bartender starts laughing and says "you mean to tell me that chihuahua is a seeing eye dog!?" The second man indignantly screams "WHAT!! They gave me a chihuahua!?"
Two guys are walking their dogs, a doberman and a chihuahua, and come across their favorite bar. One guy says to his friend "man I could really go for a cold one right now." His friend agreed but said, "we can't go in there with these dogs. We'll have to come back another time." The first guy quickly brainstorms an idea, pulls out a pair of sunglasses and tells his friend to follow his lead. The man puts on the dark glasses and walks into the bar with the doberman. The bartender immediately yells to him "hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here." The man replied "Excuse me sir, but I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog. He goes where I go, and the law allows me to take the dog anywhere I want."
Embarassed, the bartender apologizes and offers the man a free drink.
Outside, the other man is watching, and seeing how well the plan is working, puts on his sunglasses and walks in to the bar, dragging the chihuahua behind him.
The bartender looks up and yells to him "hey mac! Get that dog outta my bar", to which the second man yelled back "look mister, this is my seeing eye dog and he goes where I go." The bartender starts laughing and says "you mean to tell me that chihuahua is a seeing eye dog!?" The second man indignantly screams "WHAT!! They gave me a chihuahua!?"
S
surfinusa
Guest
Originally Posted by treybom
chuck norris and Mr. T walk into a bar, the bar explodes because it couldnt handle the coolness
chuck norris and Mr. T walk into a bar, the bar explodes because it couldnt handle the coolness
nanocuber7
Member
ok my turn
a scottish,irish and brittish solider are sitting in a foxhole in WWII. the scottish solider says "i can't wait to get out of here. as soon as i get home im going to my favorite pub the sheeps blatter, for every 3 beers you buy they give you a 4th one on the house". "thats nothing" says the brittish solider "at my favorite pub in london every other beer is free". then the irish man says "oh yeah well at my favorite pub all the beer is free and after you're good and drunk they take you upstairs and get you laid". "really? how does that work" says the other two men. "i don't know but it worked for my sister"
a scottish,irish and brittish solider are sitting in a foxhole in WWII. the scottish solider says "i can't wait to get out of here. as soon as i get home im going to my favorite pub the sheeps blatter, for every 3 beers you buy they give you a 4th one on the house". "thats nothing" says the brittish solider "at my favorite pub in london every other beer is free". then the irish man says "oh yeah well at my favorite pub all the beer is free and after you're good and drunk they take you upstairs and get you laid". "really? how does that work" says the other two men. "i don't know but it worked for my sister"
S
surfinusa
Guest
Originally Posted by nanocuber7
ok my turn
a scottish,irish and brittish solider are sitting in a foxhole in WWII. the scottish solider says "i can't wait to get out of here. as soon as i get home im going to my favorite pub the sheeps blatter, for every 3 beers you buy they give you a 4th one on the house". "thats nothing" says the brittish solider "at my favorite pub in london every other beer is free". then the irish man says "oh yeah well at my favorite pub all the beer is free and after you're good and drunk they take you upstairs and get you laid". "really? how does that work" says the other two men. "i don't know but it worked for my sister"
explain that in english i dont understand what laid means :notsure:
ok my turn
a scottish,irish and brittish solider are sitting in a foxhole in WWII. the scottish solider says "i can't wait to get out of here. as soon as i get home im going to my favorite pub the sheeps blatter, for every 3 beers you buy they give you a 4th one on the house". "thats nothing" says the brittish solider "at my favorite pub in london every other beer is free". then the irish man says "oh yeah well at my favorite pub all the beer is free and after you're good and drunk they take you upstairs and get you laid". "really? how does that work" says the other two men. "i don't know but it worked for my sister"
explain that in english i dont understand what laid means :notsure: