Insulting Inexperienced People

[maryd]

I have found several times when I post somthing, seeking help from those who are more experirenced, I am put down and insulted. I was trying to learn and get help from other but when I'm insulted and made to feel stupid, I just won't ask for help. Many others ask for help and are insulted too. Give us credit. We are trying and we are hoping some of you can give us good advice when we've also gotten bad advice from the LFS. Ok?
Mary
ps. I am learning and I've gottena lot of help here and I appreciate it. So please, don't insult us.

 

[marine fanatic]

You are right, nobody should be insulted.
I always thought the only stupid question is the one never asked. Sorry you feel that way but there are a ton of experienced people here that go out of their way to help newcomers.
I think one of the things people might get upset over is, a lot of questions that get asked when there are numerous posts regarding the exact same thing. You could probably find the answers to many of your questions by searching the archives/threads.
Again, sorry you feel insulted!

 

[glowplug]

hey, its the internet--dont take fake harshness to personal. I dont think anyone directly intends to put down anyone on here, this is one of the cleanest most flame free forum ive found.None of these people would say exactly what they say on here in person, thats kind of what makes a forum special

 

[maryd]

Thank you. There are some who are probably not very experienced with computer and may not know how to search. I've used the search tool but I often get too many with a word that I search for and sometimes it's just easier to just ask my question outright.

 

[marine fanatic]

Originally Posted by MARYD
Thank you. There are some who are probably not very experienced with computer and may not know how to search. I've used the search tool but I often get too many with a word that I search for and sometimes it's just easier to just ask my question outright.

Understandable. I work as a network engineer and Monday mornings when I get the 8:15am call "my printer won't print" and I go to check it and it is turned off
I learned to be patient with people and computers.

 

[unleashed]

Im sorry you feel as if you have been insulted by other more experienced member I for one hope I was not one of them.if i have than I do appoligize to you are any others who might have felt the same way.Please take into concideeration that we just like you were new to the hobby at one time or another.we are not experts by any means we are just like you hobbiest.although some of us like to concider ourselves to be experts.bottom line is we are not.these forums are designed to share experiences withing our own tanks and things we have found via research but none of this can replace the knowledge each member needs to gain by his or her own research.theer are many hundreds of helpful websites on the internet just a click away,several books to be purchased.nothing you can find within these forums can replace your own findings.all we can offer is our pErsonal experiences and oppinions,THESE ARE YOUR TANKS,YOUR FISH ,YOUR MONEY ,YOUR TIME!the ONLY failure to this hobby is the failure accept the responsabilty to do your own homework.then you can decide if anothers advice is suitable for your fishes needs.we are here to be dictators EVERYONE needs to remember this.use our advice as building blocks to do your research to find the correct answers ,if you take someones advice and it happens to be wrong.whos fault is it? yours or the person giving it?in all due respects it would have to be yours for not finding more information on issues before using others advice.same goes for purchasing fish and equipment. for example someone tells you it will be ok just to make a sale.it doesnt work the way you had hoped.fish die equipment not up to your expectations ect.its not the suppliers fault you didnt know any better. good luck to you.this is not a flame this is my oppinion.use it as you feel appropreate

 

[alyssia]

I'm sorry you have felt insulted, and like unleashed, I hope I wasn't one of the people who made you feel that way. I know EXACTLY how you feel, I also have feel insulted and put down on this board before.

 

[promisetbg]

I think this post may have been directed towards me because of my last post in this thread:
https://forums.saltwaterfish.com/t/209202/what-is-salinity-supposed-to-be
MaryD, I do apologize if my comment was taken as rude. One thing that is the hardest thing to convey while typing and over the net is intention. Mine is only to help..never to hurt. I am here for you...I come here every morning..drink my coffee

, and see if I can help a few people while I continue to learn myself. I gain nothing monetarily, noone here does...we just love this hobby with a passion and know the trials and troubles starting out can be. Again I do apologize if this thread was because of my post yesterday...are we cool?

 

[dfox]

MARYD, you are right. This definitely happens on these boards, especially regarding the frequently asked question - Can I cycle my tank with fish? If I had a dime for every new person who has been told by a LFS to use damsels to cycle their tank - and then got flamed by someone on these boards who feels more strongly about this issue than they do about world peace, I could retire.

If this happened to you, just know that almost everyone who see a more experienced person flaming a new person will look at the exchange and think that the flamer is a jerk. The vast majority of people here are not out to give you a hard time.

 

[maryd]

YES, We are cool It was not you who offended me anyway. I did take your advice and get the bubbler out of my tank. The clowns used to sleep right above it but they hopefully found other places to sleep last night.
I do research, I keep books in the kitchen, the living room and the bathroom of course. I read about something before I purchase it to see if it will work out with what I already have. Before I buy a fish I reseach it. I got diffferent advice about damsels and got 3 of them. They were removed to the prison tank since one thought it was nice to bite me or try to bite me. My tang and angel are on vacation in their own condo right now and will go back into the main tank when they have rested up from being terrorized by the blue prisoners.

 

[ray28576]

The main reason I think people come off as being rude is due to typing. When you talk you use differnt tones and expressions so things don't seem rude. However, when you type things, it can sound rude to the person reading it, but not the one who wrote it. I know there are a lot of things I type that when I read it later on sounds like I was being rude. So, when you think someone is being hateful or rude, its probably not how they meant it.

 

[promisetbg]

Originally Posted by MARYD
YES, We are cool It was not you who offended me anyway.
Whew..that's good :cheer: Have to live up to my name..LOL

 

[ophiura]

Originally Posted by Ray28576
The main reason I think people come off as being rude is due to typing. When you talk you use differnt tones and expressions so things don't seem rude. However, when you type things, it can sound rude to the person reading it, but not the one who wrote it. I know there are a lot of things I type that when I read it later on sounds like I was being rude. So, when you think someone is being hateful or rude, its probably not how they meant it.

I definitely think this is a real problem. People also often feel that others "know" them well enough to understand what they mean...that early on they explained it but now they give an answer that may appear to be terse. Mostly I think it is just misunderstood. The important thing is never to escalate the problem. If you think someone was rude, try and just say "thanks" and move on.
If you see something that you are really concerned about in terms of tone, language, etc, do not hesitate to use the "report post" feature which is the red triangle thing on each post. This reports the post to moderators and they will take a look at it. We can't catch everything, or make everyone happy...but try to help out.

 

[phixer]

Well this happens anywhere you go and in any environment. What are you going to do, live in a shell? I have learned to grow thicker dermis and simply ignore someone who dosent want to provide healthy answers. If someone insults me I really dont care and you shouldnt either, dont waste your time or energy on these folks.
The majory of us here love to help out as it promotes our hobby. Ignore those who dont. Just think of a good Chuck Norris joke and laugh it off. :hilarious
Best regards
Phixer

 

[jacklax]

Guys...tone of voice is something that expresses a lot...but it's so difficult to convey in a written communication. I used to be in the Customer Service field...it became very apparent that everyone takes things differently...with their perception being their reality. With that being the case, people will write something meaning to convey one thing...but something else will instead be taken from the message. Abe Lincoln was very aware of this. He would write a letter and let it sit on his desk until the next day. He would then read it again, making sure that it was communicating what he wanted to say, and that it was in the fashion that he felt to be most appropriate...then he would send it.
I understand that the nature of this forum does not allow this luxury...it would defeat the purpose. With that being the case...we need to temper our responces...and be sure not to take any responces that we receive personally. I've been on this forum for a few weeks now...and seen numerous verbal beatings take place...a few have even been directed in my direction. I try to take it for what it is...advice, and I leave it at that. Firing back does no good.

 

[jacklax]

I do agree with you Mary D...there isn't any reason for it.

 

[jovial]

make it stop

 

[maryd]

I didn't mean for this to go into a big long conversation. I was just saying that if you feel someone's post is stupid in your mind, don't respond to it. I know we can't tell tone of voice, etc in written words, but sometimes it's just they way something is worded or the inserting of a little man banging his head on a wall. :jumping:

 

[tscuda]

Originally Posted by Ray28576
The main reason I think people come off as being rude is due to typing. When you talk you use differnt tones and expressions so things don't seem rude. However, when you type things, it can sound rude to the person reading it, but not the one who wrote it. I know there are a lot of things I type that when I read it later on sounds like I was being rude. So, when you think someone is being hateful or rude, its probably not how they meant it.

I 2nd what Ray said. I cant tell you how many times the GF took what I typed the wrong way. So I wont "talk" to her on the puter anymore.

 

[murph]

Don't let it get ya down Mary. There are always going to be rude people or misunderstandings. First off anyone who takes the time to seek out information on forums like this should be commended no matter what mistakes they are making.
Over the years I have seen many new tank owner that I put in the "casual tank owners" category who treat there setups more like decorating a Christmas tree than maintaining a extremely delicate situation that these systems are. Basically they just want something pretty in there house and otherwise could care less. Lately when encountering these types my advice has been to go purchases a big screen TV knock a hole in the wall frame out the TV and pop in a DVD on loop of someone else's healthy system. :joy: It will probably be cheaper for them and when the fad wares off they will still have a nice big TV for the super-bowl party.
Obviously people who visit forums like this are not in that category and not only should be commended but encouraged no mater there experience level or basic mistakes they might be making.
New people to the from and or those posting in the New Hobbyist section in many cases are already feeling some sort of frustration or apprehension about there new setups so the last thing the rest of us should do is push them over the edge with less than encouraging or blunt responses. We were all there once and in my case I have been there two or three times having been in and out of the hobby several times only to return and find that everything had changed drastically during one of my absences.

I remember my first set up in the late 80s. Under gravel filter, crushed coral substrate, cycled with damsels, no skimmer or LR and fed almost exclusively frozen brine and back then the longer you could go without making a water change while still maintaining water quality was considered a sign of success. These were considered "excepted methods" back then and would be enough to have some of those who consider themselves experienced around here crapping there pants if they really knew