clown-lover
Member
The Old Hollywood Squares "When jocularity was legal!"
>
>If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will
>bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
>days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous. Peter
>Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
>
>Q. Do female frogs croak?
>A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
>Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
>be?
>A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
>Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
>A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
>Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
>woman?
>A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
>he is attractive, is it okay to come out
> and ask him if he's married?
>A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
>
>Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
>A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
>Q In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
>A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
>Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
>A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
>Q.. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
>while talking?
>A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
>you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
>Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
>A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
>Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
>any during the first year?
>A Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
>Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
>Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
>One is politics, what is the other?
>A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
>Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
>A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
>Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
>A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
>Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
>do?
>A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
>Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
>A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
>Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the
>habit of kissing a lot of people?
br />>A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army
>
>Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!
>"What does this mean?
>A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
>
>Q It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
>A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
>Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
>what was he trying to do?
>A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
>elephant?
>A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
>Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its ---?
>A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
>
>Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
>actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
>A. Charley Weaver: His feet
>
>Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
>A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.
>
>If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will
>bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
>days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous. Peter
>Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
>
>Q. Do female frogs croak?
>A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
>Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
>be?
>A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
>Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
>A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
>Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
>woman?
>A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
>he is attractive, is it okay to come out
> and ask him if he's married?
>A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
>
>Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
>A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
>Q In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
>A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
>Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
>A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
>Q.. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
>while talking?
>A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
>you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
>Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
>A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
>Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
>any during the first year?
>A Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
>Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
>Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
>One is politics, what is the other?
>A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
>Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
>A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
>Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
>A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
>Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
>do?
>A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
>Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
>A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
>Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the
>habit of kissing a lot of people?
br />>A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army
>
>Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!
>"What does this mean?
>A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
>
>Q It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
>A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
>Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
>what was he trying to do?
>A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
>elephant?
>A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
>Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its ---?
>A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
>
>Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
>actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
>A. Charley Weaver: His feet
>
>Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
>A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.
