Morality question - what would you do??

kerriann

kerriann

Member
Question to the guys out there:
One of your buddies dates a girl for about a year, head over heels for this girl. They break up, but still talk, all the while he never loses his feelings for her. You run into this girl and start talking and realize you have some interest in her. How do you handle this situation?
 
rylan1

rylan1

Active Member
Just tell the other person... He/She should be free to date whoever they want. Be respectul, but the other person should be able to understand..if they will or not is another question. I think that since especially there was no real long term relationship or marriage... it should be even less of an issue.
 
D

dragonzim

Active Member
One of the "rules" of friendship for guys is not to go after a woman that he is interested in. Just shouldnt be done.
 
renogaw

renogaw

Active Member
Originally Posted by KerriAnn
http:///forum/post/2514160
Question to the guys out there:
One of your buddies dates a girl for about a year, head over heels for this girl. They break up, but still talk, all the while he never loses his feelings for her. You run into this girl and start talking and realize you have some interest in her. How do you handle this situation?
if this is you, i ask to watch... :p
but if this is like your brother and his buddy, you tell your brother to tell talk to his buddy to find out if it's ok.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
Could be very awkward in the future even if your buddy says it is okay. I would probably stay away from that one.
 
earlybird

earlybird

Active Member
Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/2514172
if this is you, i ask to watch... :p
but if this is like your brother and his buddy, you tell your brother to tell talk to his buddy to find out if it's ok.

Yeah if the two guys are friends then there might be an issue depending on maturity of the first guy. Asking is a good option but at the same time why is the girl still talking to the other guy? Leading him on... what? It is very rare for a guy to have a friend that is a girl (seriously lets be honest here). The first guy is IMO trying to work his way back in sounds like to me and if that's the case his answer should be easy to determine.
 
shogun323

shogun323

Active Member
Hmmmmm..... For me it depends on a few things:
~The definition of "buddies." If the person isn't too close of a friend, I would go for it.
~How long have they been broken up for?
~The maturity of those involved like earlybird mentioned.
One of my best friends asked me once if it was ok to date an ex-girlfriend of mine a couple months after we split. I said yes and told him it was a good fit. They are now married and she has become friends with my fiance.
 
D

dragonzim

Active Member
Originally Posted by earlybird
http:///forum/post/2514187

It is very rare for a guy to have a friend that is a girl (seriously lets be honest here).
I would say that more than half of my closest friends are women, and they arent even women that I've dated either!
 
m0nk

m0nk

Active Member
It would depend on the definition of "interest" in that situation, though I've been out of the dating/relationship scene for about 2 yrs, so I might not be the best person to ask...

You can't stop love; if this interest is actual love and the feelings are mutual, then I'd talk to my buddy and try to explain the situation. Hopefully he would understand although relations might be strained for a bit.
If this interest is just the passing thought of the idea of dating the girl, I'd probably just pass. Too much complication and the possibility of hurting a good friend aren't good for one's Karma.
 
shogun323

shogun323

Active Member
Originally Posted by m0nk
http:///forum/post/2514233
You can't stop love; if this interest is actual love and the feelings are mutual, then I'd talk to my buddy and try to explain the situation. Hopefully he would understand although relations might be strained for a bit.
Wait a minute..........
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a second-hand emotion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Sorry I couldn't resist the urge to be cheesy!!!!!!!
 
yerboy

yerboy

Active Member
i was in a similar situation a few yeas ago.
I even talked to my "buddy" and he had no problems with it.
Soon as me and her started dating he never spoke to me again.
Few years later he laid down on the train tracks and killed himself. Not directly because of this of course, but i lost a good friend over a girl who would later break my heart.
Girls come and go friends are forever.
 
bdhutier

bdhutier

Member
Originally Posted by yerboy
http:///forum/post/2514277
Few years later he laid down on the train tracks and killed himself.
WHAT??? Holy cow...
KerriAnn, best thing would be for the "second person" to look elsewhere. The best case result-scenario is first guy isn't upset, but I'd bet it doesn't turn out that way... almost never does.
 
lexluethar

lexluethar

Active Member
Depends on the relationship with the friend. If you are close / good friends if it was me, no matter what i wouldn't go out with that girl. Even if i really liked her. No matter what, even if the friend said it was okay, or that he didn't have feelings for her i wouldn't go out with her at all.
Thats just my 2 cents, depends on the type of relationship you have with your friend. If you were the guy friend how would you feel?
 
perfectdark

perfectdark

Active Member
Originally Posted by reefraff
http:///forum/post/2514288
Thats the thing, if this is a close friend who still has feelings for the girl I wouldn't even think of it.
It simple.... just remember this little slogan and you cant go wrong..
Bro's before Ho... (ahem nevermind) jk jk
Seriously I am kidding, I couldnt resist.
Honestly, IMO Honesty is the best thing here. Talk to your buddy if in fact he is a close friend you will be able to get an honest answer from him. If not I still think you would be able to sense the true nature of his answer.
Secondly, her/she, is there a chance they are just taking a "break" from eachother. How well do you know her to get an honest answer? Is she really all set with him, moving on, has already? Its good to look out for your friends and I agree I wouldnt lose a friendship over a new relationship that involved the same person. But if its done and over with 100% its really not healthy for him to dwell on this. And eveyone must move on eventually. If it is truley over, dispite his feelings, inside he knows the truth. And if he is as good of a friend to you as you are to him. He should be happy for you both if they still talk.
Having said all that... Im sure its much eaiser said than done. Tough call without knowing the particulars of the relationship between all the parties.
 
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