My fiance...

K

kikithemermaid

Guest
has turned into a violent alcoholic and refuses help. I don't know what to do. He screamed I have to accept him as he is, but that means me getting hurt.

I know what I should do. But I can't do it.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
There are many helpful organizations for abused and battered women. Don't become one, seek their help before you get hurt, please!
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
I'm sorry for talking about this on here. I feel like I have no one else to talk to.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
Don't even, we are here to talk about anything. Don't you have some family you can talk to? Again, look for organizations that deal with this everyday. You don't have time to procrastinate with someone like that.
Alcohol and violent tendancies can only lead to bad things.
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
My family would freak out and tell me not to marry him.
He's addicted to pot, too.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
Originally Posted by kikithemermaid
http:///forum/post/3040578
My family would freak out and tell me not to marry him.
Well of course they would. I don't get it, why would you want to marry someone like this?
Off topic, you back in your house yet? Does he live with you?
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
Originally Posted by spanko
http:///forum/post/3040581
Well of course they would. I don't get it, why would you want to marry someone like this?
Off topic, you back in your house yet? Does he live with you?
Yes, we've lived together for a year and a half. We get un-evacuated tonight.
I feel like I can't do any better. Like I'd regret it for the rest of my life.
 
t316

t316

Active Member
This is not good kiki. If it's this way now, think about down the road after you have wasted 10 yrs of your life. I'm not usually one to say give up on anything but if he's refusing any help, time to get more serious about your gut instinct.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
What you will regret is not standing up for yourself and leaving before the inevitable happens. Stop being a victum, get help in understanding why you feel the way you do and what you can do to help yourself.
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3040590
This is not good kiki. If it's this way now, think about down the road after you have wasted 10 yrs of your life.
I think about that. What if I do stay with him and I just put up with it when I could have found someone better? I hope no one judges me because of this, and I'm REALLY trusting everyone here and I normally keep this a secret but...
I have bipolar disorder. And the fear of abandonment and being alone is huge with this. So the fact that he loves me is a big deal.
 
lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
run as fast as you can. He won't change. Save yourself. He could kill you......it does happen.
Your disorder has nothing to do with it. That is managable by meds. He will only become worse.
 
lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
yes! My Aunt was married to a very violent alcoholic. She would not leave him because she loved him and when he sobered up, he always said he loved her. She had very low self esteem etc, could never imagine being alone.
One night he was so drunk, she was mad at him. She doesn't even remember what she said that triggered him to start beating her to a pulp. The Dr's told her he almost killed her.
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
But he told me he'd never hurt me. I mean, he screams at me a lot but he hasn't physically hurt me.
 
t316

t316

Active Member
Your condition should not have any weight on this relationship.
He screams now, and this "may" be all he ever does, but IMO no woman is deserving of even this. And if you marry him, it's only going to get harder to walk away.
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
I broke up with him once two years ago. And I regretted it so much.
 
t316

t316

Active Member
And you will probably regret it again, briefly, until you get over him and move on. It hurts, but not nearly as much as wasting a lifetime away dealing with this. As strange as this may sound, there are good guys out there that don't treat women this way
 
K

kikithemermaid

Guest
I'm having an panic attack just thinking of leaving him. I can't deal with this.
 
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