rykna
Active Member
How many times have you seen a parent shouting, threatening, screaming at their child or children. While the child screams back using profanity or threatening their parent.
My guess is far too often....
This is the scene at our next door neighbors house. Enters Kevin, Beth's new husband. Beth's son Jake doesn't take to this at all....7 years latter....
Jake is 13, Zac is 3, and Carley is 2. Beth dotes on all the kids trying show she loves them by buying everything for them. Jake has become a completely rebellious teen with a angry attitude to fit. He is about 2 steps from juvenile detention. Kevin can't control Jake either. He yells at Jake...Jake yells back...it becomes the war of who can yell loudest.
Beth is so stressed she has given up on Jake. She spends 98% of her time trying to please Zac and Carley. Which results in 2 clingy, rebellious toddlers....
I recently started to babysit for Zac and Carley. We have standard rules in our house. Please..thank you...the basics of respect. Within three visits Zac and Carley were completely different kids when they came to my house.
Carley tried to use her crocodile tears to get mom from leaving. I said bye to Beth, closed the door,(Carley is wailing at the top of her lungs)picked her up, went upstairs and sat down. I made it clear that she could not go play with Zac and Aria(Aria's is my daughter) until she stopped crying. She bawled for another minute. Down!!! Down!!! she cried.....Nope, not until you stop crying....30 seconds later she shuts of the crocodile tears, smiles, and hops off my lap.
She uses this same arsenal every time I come over to Beth's house. She gets all whiny and whimpers "Mommy don't go".
Beth and Kevin are at their wits end....and seem completely blind to the fact that they are the cause of all this anger and anxiety.
Kids need schedules. Kids need rules and boundaries because these reinforce to the kids that they are safe and loved.
Beth and I are getting to be good friends. I do not want to overstep her parental authority...except my heart goes out to her and she keeps asking me how she can regain control of her family. I have been helping her here and there...prodding Jake and showing him I trust him and reining him in here and there when Beth gets exasperated with him(which has been working great). I just don't want to overwhelm Beth. Sometimes I feel that my success with her kids seems to almost irritate her or just seems to much for her to handle And when I was witness to one of the family blow ups...she told me to run for cover while I could. I didn't run. I took Jake downstairs. I talked with him briefly about what his arguing would get him. He shrugged "I don't care..." Okay, I replied...
After Jake shut himself in his room I went back up stairs.
"So...bet you've never seen a blow up like that...sorry you had to be part of it."
"Not at all Beth...I seen much worse..." Her surprised look made me chuckle."
"We all have our moment's I said."
To try and comfort Beth that I was truely not horrified by her family, I changed subjects and offered to help make Lunch.
That was about a week ago. She seems to be more exhausted than ever. She is happy to have me help, I just don't want to overwhelm her.
I would like some suggestions on how to balance this situation.
Thanks,
Rykna
My guess is far too often....
This is the scene at our next door neighbors house. Enters Kevin, Beth's new husband. Beth's son Jake doesn't take to this at all....7 years latter....
Jake is 13, Zac is 3, and Carley is 2. Beth dotes on all the kids trying show she loves them by buying everything for them. Jake has become a completely rebellious teen with a angry attitude to fit. He is about 2 steps from juvenile detention. Kevin can't control Jake either. He yells at Jake...Jake yells back...it becomes the war of who can yell loudest.
Beth is so stressed she has given up on Jake. She spends 98% of her time trying to please Zac and Carley. Which results in 2 clingy, rebellious toddlers....
I recently started to babysit for Zac and Carley. We have standard rules in our house. Please..thank you...the basics of respect. Within three visits Zac and Carley were completely different kids when they came to my house.
Carley tried to use her crocodile tears to get mom from leaving. I said bye to Beth, closed the door,(Carley is wailing at the top of her lungs)picked her up, went upstairs and sat down. I made it clear that she could not go play with Zac and Aria(Aria's is my daughter) until she stopped crying. She bawled for another minute. Down!!! Down!!! she cried.....Nope, not until you stop crying....30 seconds later she shuts of the crocodile tears, smiles, and hops off my lap.
She uses this same arsenal every time I come over to Beth's house. She gets all whiny and whimpers "Mommy don't go".
Beth and Kevin are at their wits end....and seem completely blind to the fact that they are the cause of all this anger and anxiety.
Kids need schedules. Kids need rules and boundaries because these reinforce to the kids that they are safe and loved.
Beth and I are getting to be good friends. I do not want to overstep her parental authority...except my heart goes out to her and she keeps asking me how she can regain control of her family. I have been helping her here and there...prodding Jake and showing him I trust him and reining him in here and there when Beth gets exasperated with him(which has been working great). I just don't want to overwhelm Beth. Sometimes I feel that my success with her kids seems to almost irritate her or just seems to much for her to handle And when I was witness to one of the family blow ups...she told me to run for cover while I could. I didn't run. I took Jake downstairs. I talked with him briefly about what his arguing would get him. He shrugged "I don't care..." Okay, I replied...
After Jake shut himself in his room I went back up stairs.
"So...bet you've never seen a blow up like that...sorry you had to be part of it."
"Not at all Beth...I seen much worse..." Her surprised look made me chuckle."
"We all have our moment's I said."
To try and comfort Beth that I was truely not horrified by her family, I changed subjects and offered to help make Lunch.
That was about a week ago. She seems to be more exhausted than ever. She is happy to have me help, I just don't want to overwhelm her.
I would like some suggestions on how to balance this situation.
Thanks,
Rykna
