Sketchy Poem

liontamer

Member
I just wrote a poem for class along some guidelines...and i felt I did a good job. Anyone care to comment?
Blasphemy
Shattered by society, lain in ruin by the mortar and brick of commerce,
A slave of the people, sifting through souls of mercy and injustice,
Sleeping in euphoric fantasy, wave after wave of wonderful nothing.
Like water falling…drip dropping like dew on the blades of grass,
The drums beat methodically.
Step after step, minute-by-minute, tick tick tick,
Time moves like a clock stroke after stroke.
Pleasant rhymes in dreary times and melodic happiness strumming on the strings,
The music dances, fills the air, raises the clouds and traps their minds in a sweet blaze of sulfur.
Hopping around, hand-in-hand, with fists full of flowers, burning piles of ash and molten lead,
Pain is nothing, fear is a mere downside…the ears are happiness and the fingers are the tools.
Lights flashing, passing by, moving slow and fast, the chatter of the birds pings off of your forehead, leaving their mark,
On the verge of chaos the world teeters endlessly, hoping to recover yet forever doomed,
The angels look down; demons look up, while specters and lions dream in the meadow.
Lips pressed, lungs compressed, screeching is never better,
Bouncing softly across the air and body, the melody releases and cures all, enticing those in a whirl of swirling notes.
Minds erased, nothing takes place, run from everything while standing in place,
Fear everything, trust nothing, believe what you want, hate what you can, everything is a threat while nothing is your friend.
Laughter is communication, crying is a wonderful life of bliss, reality is unreal,
Rolling through fields of shining innocence, playing in the meadow of yesterday,
Melting, everything melts, fades away into light, swinging and falling, mixed with anguish and desire, the truth becomes known.
 

fishkiller

Active Member
I could put a good

[hr]
rif with that... in fact, I just thought of one..... see if i can record it and send it to ya.:happy:
 

liontamer

Member
Fishkiller...please do, i would like to hear it. And mola...we were told to make a poem following somehwat in the footsteps of "howl" by Allen ginsberg. Basicall,y pure randomness with a hidden message and story. Wats my message? lol...
 

molamola

Member
Wow, when I read it, I thought to myself, "He must really like Alan Ginsberg." Go figure. What's your message? Hell if I know. I have a hard enough time grasping the depth and meaning of a Shel Silverstein poem.
Is this for a creative writing class? Will your classmates be analyzing it for you? It's always fun to hear their interpretations.
 

liontamer

Member
my classmates will be analyzing it. The idea of the poem is a guy who has a tough life, and he is saved by music. The poem is sort of dreary at some points, but the highlights are the points where music is put into play. Read it over carefully and ull c that. ;)
 

molamola

Member
Thank you for assisting me with the "Ah Ha" moment. Excellent job. Template poems are challenging and you did really well. I hope the analyzing goes well.
PS - If you like Ginsberg, you might like Frank O'Hara too:)
 
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