The psychology of abuse. Someone enlighten me please...

theclemsonkid

theclemsonkid

Member
This is going to have a rather serious tone, so if you don't wanna read about something a little dark, i'd say skip this one...
So I just read through Facebook about a friend of a friend (who I really don't know all that well) who was sent to the hospital last night when her "ex" shattered her eye, orbital socket, and took out a few teeth. This is not the first, second, but THIRD time this has happened. The latest time, she had told everyone she wasn't seeing or speaking to him anymore, yet it turned out he was staying at her place multiple times per week behind pretty much everyone's back.
This is by no means the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last.
I just cannot, for the life of me, understand the why.
Maybe it's a gender thing. Maybe it's a psychological thing. I have no idea. I just know that if someone burns me in life, in pretty much anything, I am done with them. Let alone, someone inflicting multiple bouts of physical injury on me. Could someone, preferably a woman, please explain to me why I have to keep reading, and hearing about women who keep putting themselves into these ridiculous situations, when from my point of view, they seem completely avoidable from the start...
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
I don't understand the why either, but you will see similar situations with spouses who abuse drugs or alcohol. They are the enablers of the abuser. They make excuses. They blame it on other things other then on the abuser (including blaming themselves). Much of it has to do with low self-esteem (the victim feels inferior so this is the best that they are going do for a mate). Mind you, abusers work very, very hard had whittling down self-esteem. Abusers can be quite sociopathic playing with the psyche of their victims.
Also, women who grew with similiar exp from their own parents, sometimes gravitate to these abusive men. Not always, but enough time.
 
fattytwobyfour

fattytwobyfour

Member
I majored in psychology, and we talked about this issue a lot. Someone in an abusive relationship has been beat down so bad mentally, that they truly can't see the other options they have. The abuser finds way to isolate them from their support groups, and diminishes any self-worth they have. Often the abuse is bi-polar in nature. When things are good, they are great. But when things are bad, they are horrible.
You honestly never know how you will react in a particular situation, until you are put in it. I've had many friends go through this situation. You can let them know you are there for them, but you can't forcibly remove them from the situation yourself. They have to make that decision, and it is tough to sit back and watch.
 
flower

flower

Well-Known Member
My sister was just such a person...she wasn't beat down, she and her husband were drinkers. They would fight, and she might hit him 20xs...not even a sore spot, he would hit her one pop, and she had a broken jaw, another time she needed stitches around her eye socket because he hit her so hard the bone cut all around her eye. As I stood there with her in the hospital, she apologized to him for making him so mad.
When her husband stopped the drinking and started to act like a husband and father, she cheated on him, and found another alcoholic to abuse her and fight with. Once she left him, her children (2 boys) were grown. Now her oldest beats the hell out of her.
So sometimes the woman is just stupid as a box of rocks.
 
michaelkelley

michaelkelley

Member
This is the situation where we cannot do anything for them as they need to take their life seriously and start loving themselves instead of loving some crap people who do not love them.
 
deejeff442

deejeff442

Active Member
some people reallyt hink they cant do better .he has probably said he is sorry 100 times and she believes it. is it Nickelback "cant find a better man " the song makes sense
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
Mind boggling that a mother would expose their children to abuse scenes. Its one thing to allow yourself to be beat, but to have your kids watch, that's another level of sickness.
I guess I can sympathize 100 yrs ago when women really had no choices at all, but that's not the case now.
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
Mind boggling that a mother would expose their children to abuse scenes.  Its one thing to allow yourself to be beat, but to have your kids watch, that's another level of sickness.
I guess I can sympathize 100 yrs ago when women really had no choices at all, but that's not the case now.
Nickelback brought up in an abuse discussion?
Darth (how fitting) Tang
 
2quills

2quills

Well-Known Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darthtang AW http:///t/396024/the-psychology-of-abuse-someone-enlighten-me-please#post_3527758
Nickelback brought up in an abuse discussion?
Darth (how fitting) Tang
I wonder if Pearl Jam would have anything to say about that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheClemsonKid http:///t/396024/the-psychology-of-abuse-someone-enlighten-me-please#post_3527630
This is going to have a rather serious tone, so if you don't wanna read about something a little dark, i'd say skip this one...
It sucks and sooner or later you simply come to the conclusion that you just can't save someone from themselves.
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member

I wonder if Pearl Jam would have anything to say about that?
I was implying listening to nickelback constitutes abuse. On a side note did you know pearl jam was originally called mookie blaylock. And the album ten was actually in honor of his jersey number?
Darth (leading the horse to water) tang
 
fattytwobyfour

fattytwobyfour

Member
I agree that listening to Nickelback constitutes abuse. That is one band that I've never been able to stand. Them and Hinder. Horrible Horrible music.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
My ex wife tried that crap on me twice. First time she was drunked up, second time she was sober. First time I walked out of the apartment with her following me beating on my back and then she changed to being all lovie dovie and pulling me back inside. Once back inside she started in the pounding again. I gently took her off her feet and sat her on the floor and told her doing anything but going down the hall to the bedroom would be a serious mistake.
3 days later we were at my parents and she tried it again, this time stone cold sober. I grabbed her by the neck and pinned her against the fridge and had my fist drawn back. I looked at my fist and looked at her and said "You ain't worth it #$%^" And cut loose of her. She started coming at me again and my mom intercepted her and pretty much slung her into a chair and read her the riot act. I told my mom to keep her there while I went to pack my stuff and again the ex is with the lovie dovie don't leave crap.
In hindsight I figured out she was doing things to try to get me to hit her. She was big into the pity party thing and had I knocked her goofy she would have had something to play on people's sympathy with. It resulted in some pretty stupid, self destructive behavior on her part. I think some people will do anything for attention, including letting a spouse pound on them,
 
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