advice

jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
I have had a few offers for dates and such, is it too soon ( 7 mos)? i wonder if its too soon because it just sounds soon and i still cry alot( which would prolly run somebody off ), but everyone around me says get back out there get back on the horse and it will pull me out of it. when would one say an appropriate amount of time has passed ? i am horribly lonely , so i am entertaining the idea ,but i dont want to upset anyone like his family and friends
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
the appropriate time is when you feel comfortable... if you think its too soon then it is... but, IMO it wouldnt hurt to go have a great evening with a friend...
 
miaheatlvr

miaheatlvr

Active Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2668369
I have had a few offers for dates and such, is it too soon ( 7 mos)? i wonder if its too soon because it just sounds soon and i still cry alot( which would prolly run somebody off ), but everyone around me says get back out there get back on the horse and it will pull me out of it. when would one say an appropriate amount of time has passed ? i am horribly lonely , so i am entertaining the idea ,but i dont want to upset anyone like his family and friends
Real love is a very precious thing that doesnt come along often, If you think you might have the opportunity to discover it again by dating then by all means explore that option. If you are receiving date requests by somebody special who makes you laugh and feel good all over then by all means take a chance. If yours and Tobins family are understanding caring people they will immediately know that time and life moves on and should support you. This in no way is lack of respect but almost like a closure and moving forward process with your life while still, loving, remembering, cherishing and most of all respecting all the memories you and Tobin had in the past. p.s. If you find that someone "special" feel him out first and maybe try not to overwhelm him with personal private life and tragedy right away. He might not understand and feel its overwhelming him with emotion too fast too soon. After a while he will understand.
 
cowfishrule

cowfishrule

Active Member
they only way to pull you out of your funk is to be pro-active.
sitting home thinking about it will only further bury you. you are not going to just wake up one day and say, "ok im ready".
you need to take it slow and socialize. nothing wrong with going on a date.
 
spanko

spanko

Active Member
Agree with all above and also would caution to not let the opposite emotion take affect, that being you get too involved too fast simply because you are lonely. Take things slowly, have some fun and it is kind of like being a teenager again when your parents would tell you don't get too involved with one person ther are "a lot of fish in the sea"
 
rabbit_72

rabbit_72

Member
Hi, Jenny

Do what makes you feel comfortable. If a "date" makes you feel uncomfortable, then just plan it as a night out with a friend or if you would feel better in a group, get more friends together and go out all together. Lonliless is not good for you, so find a way to get out of that funk. I would think that Tobin wants to see you happy and probably expects you to move on. And crying is a natural response to grieving, so cry when you need to (They actually say crying is healthy.... just don't do it on a date!)
So, I think at first, if it were me, I would do group things.... invite the person you want to possibly date and get more friends to join you for dinner or whatever. Plan a fun time (bowling, mini golfing) so there won't be any awkward moments. As you feel more like being one on one, then you maybe you're ready for dating.
Good luck in whatever you decide!
 
jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
thanks ya'll , i hear move on now from alot of people im just kinda scared that the 'action' of moving on will upset them. i think i possibly will be more ' proactive' in this, i dont wanna become the crazy cat lady yet, i guess i just really feel the need to be loved and be in love im really scared that im gonna be out and thast person is gonna say or do something 'tobinesque' and it will set off the waterworks. thanks again
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
My brother's fiancee died suddenly in an accident. He waited about a year. It was just an arbitrary date that he'd set. (he needed to focus on school and stuff anyway) Then started to date again. He stayed very close to the her family, and they are great friends but understood him needing to keep on going. It is tough, I remember him and the conflict in his own head. But if nothing else talk to the people you care enough about that you don't want to offend. (texas folk are very emotional even if they don't admit it) And get a feel for what they feel. Then if they are ok, then why not, do you think tobin would really want you to turn into the crazy old cat lady?
 
mimzy

mimzy

Active Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2668521
thanks ya'll , i hear move on now from alot of people im just kinda scared that the 'action' of moving on will upset them. i think i possibly will be more ' proactive' in this, i dont wanna become the crazy cat lady yet, i guess i just really feel the need to be loved and be in love im really scared that im gonna be out and thast person is gonna say or do something 'tobinesque' and it will set off the waterworks. thanks again
at some point we have to start living for ourselves. I agree with all the above, and even w/the suggestion that you talk to Tobin's family - if that is the sort of relationship you have with them, then you are very fortunate indeed. But everyone deals with grief in their own way and eventually you need to take hold of your own life and make of it what YOU want.
 
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