Don't know what to do

[earlybird]

Long story. Father-in-law got laid off and has no retirement or savings. Mother-in-law has never worked and both of their sons also got laid off. My wife is the only one from that family with a job. On of the sons is back living with his parents and going to school but does not have a part time job. He claims he can't get a job but I think he's being picky. Anyway, my mother-in-law watches my daughter during the day and we pay her pretty well for it. My father-in-law is delivering for a chinese restarurant but isn't making enough money to pay the rent and the monthly prescriptions for the both of them. He's filled out a lot of applications and has had a few interviews but no luck yet. That's the gist I guess.
Anyway my wife is devastated to the point that she's losing sleep and crying a lot lately. She wants to help but she's unsure what else we can do. I tell her we are doing all we can but she still wants to do more. We are paying her mom $200 more a month. They aren't really doing much about it IMO. They paid their last

[hr]
payment but won't be paying it again. They claim that they called the bank but "the bank hasn't gotten back to them."
I feel like I'm rambling but it's hard for me to feel sorry or want to help more. It's selfish but I'm concerned for my wife not her parents. I even told her that and that didn't go over to well. We helped with a garage sale and gave them the $350 that we made and they went out and bought a GPS to "help with food deliveries" claiming that it will help him make more money

. Then I hear about them going to see a movie at 9:00 when matinee prices are cheaper. Their live in son just got a $200 tattoo and they keep their house at 70 degrees. It's hard for me to feel sorry when they aren't doing anything to lessen their dilema. Wife is upset with me b/c it seems I don't care. I'm at a loss and open to suggestions. Thanks. Sorry this is so choppy.

 

[jdl]

not to be the bringer of bad news but.... is the basement ready?
wife will have them moved in soon, prepare for that conversation now so your marriage doesnt suffer.

 

[earlybird]

Originally Posted by JDL
http:///forum/post/2624223
not to be the bringer of bad news but.... is the basement ready?
wife will have them moved in soon, prepare for that conversation now so your marriage doesnt suffer.
No basement I'm in Florida and we have a 2 bedroom condo that is very small and my 3 yr old has dibbs on one room.

 

[renogaw]

unfortunately, this is going to start happening more and more... people are getting strapped for money, and it isn't going to get better any time soon.
as i see it: you have to support your family and be worried about your family's future.
i guess i'm sorta with you, but if it were MY parents (not my wife's) i'd probably feel inclined to help. that's probably what she's feeling... you have to show her though that they need to help you help them... they gotta be less frivolous.
you will though have to compromise with your wife...I haven't been to a movie since last october. As sr's they probably pay the matine price at any time though don't forget. your wife needs to ask them to stop going to movies, maybe rent one if they really want to.
the GPS was expensive... tomtoms go for $150. your wife needs to ask them to talk to her or you before buying anything over $50 if you guys are going to be supplying the money, so you can make sure they aren't getting cheated.
the brother who lives at home needs to stop school and get a job. the other brother needs to get off his butt and find a job--the work is out there and something is better than nothing (like the father found out, even if it isn't paying). the father needs to step up and start finding a better job.
your wife needs to suggest to them to raise the temp in the house, 74 is just as comfey as 70.
but YOU have to make your wife see, and you have to be more caring about her feelings towards her parents. either that or you'll be miserable even more.
just imagine it was your parents...

 

[renogaw]

also, compare how much daycare is vs how much you're paying your motherinlaw... and make sure your wife knows the difference as well.

 

[renogaw]

btw, there are 63 part time jobs listed on snagajob just in ft myers alone (225 in the 10 mile radius).
there's NO reason people cannot have a job, other than they think they are too good to do the work.

 

[lexluethar]

Sorry to hear earlybird. What my father had to do for his wifes parents was layout a budget and say that they need to stick with that. It will be a far cry from what they were originally purchasing, and honestly if i didn't have a job or was struggling to make house payments i sure as heck wouldn't be going to the movies or getting tattoos. They should be out there getting jobs, and I hate to break it to you but your mother-in-law may need to get a job too. Times are tough, and as ren said they will probably only get tougher. Even though she may not have any skills Wal-Mart will hire anyone, even if it is greeting people.
If things don't shape up they should sell their house and live in an apartment. Again i know that is bad, but I would rather sell my house (or try to) in hopes of getting some equity out of it, then defaulting on my payments and getting kicked out (in which case you won't get squat for your equity). I'm right there with you, i'm cheap as all get out, and seeing people 'struggling' while they are driving around their leased cars, going to the movies, eating out, having their AC at 70, while having all the lights in the house on while they watch TV all day is difficult for me to feel sorry for them. I'm extremely frugle (sp*) with my money, and I think they need to start doing so.
So...
1)like ren said show your wife that you are doing all you can to help them out, and all you can do is suggest courses off action, they are the ones that will actually have to do it (and from my experience in helping people financially they won't take your advice).
2)her brothers need jobs, education is important, but when no one has a job or the ability to afford that education a job comes first
3)the father needs a second job, or a better paying job
4)the mother needs to get a job, even it if is greeting people at Wal-Mart - every little bit of money helps
5)really contemplate selling the house, if they can't make the payments now things will probably go down hill extremely quick

 

[miaheatlvr]

In tough times there is no time nor place for any type of complacency or ego. Consolidate where you can, that means people as well.. And see if you can take advantage of the system where applicable such as food stamps, assisted housing, rent control... etc etc.. I know its frustrating but you gotta hang in there! Dont be afraid to express your feelings to both your wife and in-laws as well because keeping it bottled up will make it worse.. Good Luck!

 

[earlybird]

Thanks for the suggestions and really the back up. I got some more information yesterday. Pride and ego's are seriously bruised with her family right now. Their situation is shared with the two older brothers and baby sister (wife) is somewhat in the dark. It's not fair but it's how it is. Turns out they have a plan. The bank is not willing to work with them through a short sale or the like. Foreclosure has begun but they did pay their

[hr]
this month. Yesterday they went shopping for a 5th wheel (trailer) and shopping for a site to live. There's a place about 2 miles from the beach that's a 55+ community that with the trailer payments and the monthly site rent will place them inside their budget at about half of what their

[hr]
payment was and supposedly the money he's bringing in will make it work. I've been told that he recently decided to send applications to just about anywhere and understands the lifestyle change needed. Prior to this he's been sending applications where the pay would be similar to what he's used to. I hope it works out.

 

[nacl freak]

Your family should be you and your wifes main concern.The situation your in-laws are in did not happen overnight. Do you want your family to end up the same way? Overextending yourselves will only increase marital strife and resentment. There are jobs available to those who truly want to work. I have a step-daughter who lived off others for years. Jobs were offered to her, but "they weren't what she wanted". Mom and dad finally said enough so she begain on the Gparents. Well now retired granny and paw-paw are having to work part-time to pay off her bills and have kicked her out. She still dosen't work. Granny's paying for her car. [that she signed for] Aunt Sue is paying for her apartment. [she co-signed] Her boyfriend of the moment is paying for gro. I think what you are doing as far as paying your MIL to keep your daughter is more than generous. Caution is advised . Your daughter will be in a situation where she will learn some of the bad behavior that has lead your
IN-LAWS ONTO THIER CURRENT PATH.

 

[lexluethar]

Well they have a plan. So that is good. Keep us posted and good luck!
As for the house payment, if they paid it this month they can't go into forclosure until they are late on their next payment - and probably within the contract really can't do much until they are late for X number of days. So I would be trying to sell that house for anything that I could get assuming that it would pay off my debt with the bank (so they don't try to take any posetions) and try to get some equity back. Unless they owe more on their house then they've paid - which is kinda what it sounds like happen.
Good luck.

 

[lexluethar]

Originally Posted by nacl freak
http:///forum/post/2625275
Your family should be you and your wifes main concern.The situation your in-laws are in did not happen overnight. Do you want your family to end up the same way? Overextending yourselves will only increase marital strife and resentment. There are jobs available to those who truly want to work. I have a step-daughter who lived off others for years. Jobs were offered to her, but "they weren't what she wanted". Mom and dad finally said enough so she begain on the Gparents. Well now retired granny and paw-paw are having to work part-time to pay off her bills and have kicked her out. She still dosen't work. Granny's paying for her car. [that she signed for] Aunt Sue is paying for her apartment. [she co-signed] Her boyfriend of the moment is paying for gro. I think what you are doing as far as paying your MIL to keep your daughter is more than generous. Caution is advised . Your daughter will be in a situation where she will learn some of the bad behavior that has lead your
IN-LAWS ONTO THIER CURRENT PATH.
+1
I agree, money and desparate situations bring out the true nature in some people, whether it be freeloading or feeding family BS to keep them off their back.
Just be cautions, which it sounds like you are doing.