Why do you have to be so damn pessimistic, Superman? How about some optimism?
Instead of saying "What if a pirate comes and robs you?" you should be saying, "Man, wouldn't it be great if I were to become a pirate and rob other people?" This way, your island could be your home-base. After you've robbed enough people and collected enough booty, you could form and start an army of killer dolphins. Of course, they, too, would have to have their own leader, but you could teach him to communicate with you with intricate eye wink signals. One wink = Yes, Two winks = No, Three winks = There's the coast guard coming to the island at 3.42 knots from the SSW...etc.
Of course these dolphins would have to protect something. And that something would be you and your castle. A castle made of pure gold with 43 guest bathrooms because it gets really annoying having parties and having people pee all over your toilet. This way, there will always be at least one clean toilet.
Now tucked away inside your castle would be your collection of exotic cars, helicopters, and pirate ships. Obviously the pirate ships will sit in a shark pool until they are ready to be used for pillaging and such.
Also kept in the castle, though, will be your collection of rock stars. This way, you can have your own private Stones show, or what have you, whenever you would like. How to keep these alive, you ask? Well the rock stars will be continuously and intravenuously fed sugar from the sugar fields on the island. These fields will be tended to by an unending supply of spider monkeys that you have stolen off of a ship in the area.
Anyways, you get the idea. If you have any more questions, feel free to email me. And remember, ALWAYS BE OPTIMISTIC.
