Favorite pet jokes.

[doodle1800]

How to clean a cat.
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and
stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds.
(Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which
is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as
possible and quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors,
where he will air dry.

 

[simm]

LOLROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

 

[nightraven]

OMG that is just too funny!!!

 

[reef fool]

I've tried it, It works well in the summer. Too cold now though.

 

[reef fool]

A man decides that he wants a pet, but not just any pet, a really
unusual pet. He walks into the pet store and goes up to the
service assistant and says, "Excuse me, I want a pet, but not just
any pet; a really unusual pet".
The service assistant says, "I have just the thing for you. It's a
talking centipede"!
"Cool!", the man exclaims. "I'll take it!"
The man takes the centipede home in his little box and places
him on the kitchen table. He looks into the box and says, "Hey
centipede, what about you and me going to the pub for a beer?"
The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy thinks, I'll just go off
for five minutes and come back and ask again.
Five minutes pass and the guy returns to the centipede,
"Hey centipede, how about you and me go to the pub for a beer?"
Again, the centipede doesn't answer him.
Hmmmmm the guy thinks to himself. I'll just go off and watch this
TV show, come back and ask him again. Perhaps he's shy.
Half an hour passes and the guy returns to the centipede. I'll just
ask him one more time he tells himself.
"Hey centipede, how about you and me go to the pub for a beer?"
The centipede looks up at the man and says, "For f**k's sake man,
I heard you the first time, I'm putting my shoes on."

 

[pigeoncreek1]

Well, if you consider a horse as a pet
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff... I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.

 

[ellehcim]

gross lol

 

[tigerlover]