For dog lovers

darth tang

Active Member
Dear Dogs,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not necessary.
The proper order is: kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
 

oaktree

Member
Originally Posted by Darth Tang
Dear Dogs,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not necessary.
The proper order is: kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
:hilarious :hilarious :hilarious Sooooooooooooooooo true
 

maxalmon

Active Member
I own several Luxury Pet Boutiques and Pet Treat Bakerys (Bone-Appetit), dogs are my life and it's part of the reason we opened the stores. We have three Boxers and they rule the house. Here is a puppy photo of one of my boxers......
 

petieaztec

Member
yeah if only my roomate's dog could read she is soooooooooo annoying. she comes up to your plate and tries to stick her nose in it.
she gets a couple feet in the chest a night, unless my roomate isn't home then its a cold outside dinner for the stupid thing.
 

maxalmon

Active Member
"Society is best judged by how well it treats it's animals" I've always found that people who mistreat pets are the ones who are always alone or have pathetic lives, it really is a reflection of the person. A friend on mine was having a real hard time finding someone special, they always didn't like his dogs. I finally told him, look for the people who like dogs and stop wasting your time on the ones who like to kick them and put the ones who abuse pets outside to eat in the cold.
 

phixer

Active Member
There is an old story that I heard about the creation of the earth and a dogs relationship with humans. It said that when man and the animals were created the earth began to divide. On one side stood the animals and on the other side stood man. Just before the ravine became too large a dog jumped across. Mans best friend.
 

socal57che

Active Member
Dogs are the reason I have fish.
fish don't pee on the carpet

fish don't chew on the (insert any word here)
fish don't get dog hair in my hamburgers
fish don't hump my leg (I don't have to explain leg humping to my 7 yr old daughter)

fish don't puke in the car :scared:
fish don't fart, and if they do I can't smell it :thinking:
fish don't wake me up at 3am barking (but the neighbor's dog does)
fish don't dig in the litter box then walk on the kitchen counter (don't have a cat either)

fish don't sniff my butt in front of cute girls
fish don't etc., etc., etc. :happyfish
 

rschultz

Member
Originally Posted by petieaztec
yeah if only my roomate's dog could read she is soooooooooo annoying. she comes up to your plate and tries to stick her nose in it.
she gets a couple feet in the chest a night, unless my roomate isn't home then its a cold outside dinner for the stupid thing.
cook it.
 

ruaround

Active Member
I got that same letter via email the other day except this was at the end...
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Pets are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
and last, but not least...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
 
J

jdragunas

Guest
that was good!
about humping legs... when my sister was only about 7 or so, we were camping at this one campground in ohio, and there was this dog that 'lived' next door. Well, my sister went over and sat down to pet it, and it came over and started humping her leg. She didn't quite understand what was going on, so she looked at me and said "awe, he likes me!!!"... i was thinking "yeah... a little too much..." hahaha
 

rberhow

Active Member
Hilarious!!!! And RU, I love your additions as well. The last one, holy cow, that killed me. Jen, sounds like your sister has a way with animals huh?? :scared:
 

mimzy

Active Member
ME TOO!! ME TOO!!! check this out...had my first massive laugh-attack at work the other day...thanks to a dog, of course

OK, so, we castrate this dog yesterday, right? And at the end of the day, his daddy comes to pick him up with his little brother. Doc hands the dog to the father, who holds him up to look at him. Everything looks good from the front, so the guy turns him around to put him down.
Here's the scene at this point;
Big 30something dude holding up a smallish scruffy dog simba-style in the waiting room as his little 9year old kid looks on.
I turn to put something in a drawr and all of a sudden I hear the kid's voice "HE GOT ME! HE GOT ME!!!" I look up and there - mid air - is a stream of yellowish liquid, spouting from the dog right smack on to the kid's head.
For the next five minutes the little kid ran around in circles screaming "EEEWWW!!!!! EEEEWWW!!! EEEEWWWW!!!!" While his dad, the doctor, and every single person in the waiting room BURST out laughing - utterly helpless as the dog emptied his bladder onto the floor, after having duly saturated his little friend.
Just one of the many perks of working in an animal hospital.
BBWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! :hilarious
 
J

jdragunas

Guest
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :hilarious
OMG, that was GREAT!!!
 
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