Good Jokes
- Thread starter ackermsb
- Start date
moneyman
Member
Check this blond joke. Cant type it cuz it is rather long.
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/web...ts/blond_joke/
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/web...ts/blond_joke/
nicetry
Active Member
Frank totally forgot about his 25th wedding anniversary. His wife as outraged!
She said to him "tomorrow, I want to see something in the driveway that will go from 0-200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!!"
The next morning, the wife awoke to see Frank had left for work early. She looked out the bedroom window and saw a box in the driveway. She ran outside and retrieved the box, bringing it in to the living room. She tore off the paper and opened the box to find a new bathroom scale!
Frank has not been seen for three weeks.
She said to him "tomorrow, I want to see something in the driveway that will go from 0-200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!!"
The next morning, the wife awoke to see Frank had left for work early. She looked out the bedroom window and saw a box in the driveway. She ran outside and retrieved the box, bringing it in to the living room. She tore off the paper and opened the box to find a new bathroom scale!
Frank has not been seen for three weeks.
earlybird
Active Member
A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "
earlybird
Active Member
A guy was at the local fishing pier when he was approached by a Fish and Wildlife Officer.
Officer- "How's the fishing?"
Guy- shrugs his shoulders "I wouldn't know I'm not fishing."
Officer- "What's in the cooler then?"
Guy- "Those are my pet snook."
Officer- "Sir the snook season is closed right now and that's a mighty hefty fine. Now tell me the truth."
Guy- "Honest officer, these are my pet snook. Everyday around sunset I bring them to this pier and let them swim for a while and when I'm ready to go home I whistle and they jump back into this here cooler."
Officer- "Sir, I'm losing my patience..."
Guy- "Wait I can prove it."
Officer- "Okay sir, humor me, but I don't believe you for a second."
Guy- dumps the cooler over the side of the pier and 4 beautiful snook swim away. 5 minutes pass.
Officer- laughing "Alright sir, do that whistle thing, time to get the fish back."
Guy- "What fish?"
Officer- "How's the fishing?"
Guy- shrugs his shoulders "I wouldn't know I'm not fishing."
Officer- "What's in the cooler then?"
Guy- "Those are my pet snook."
Officer- "Sir the snook season is closed right now and that's a mighty hefty fine. Now tell me the truth."
Guy- "Honest officer, these are my pet snook. Everyday around sunset I bring them to this pier and let them swim for a while and when I'm ready to go home I whistle and they jump back into this here cooler."
Officer- "Sir, I'm losing my patience..."
Guy- "Wait I can prove it."
Officer- "Okay sir, humor me, but I don't believe you for a second."
Guy- dumps the cooler over the side of the pier and 4 beautiful snook swim away. 5 minutes pass.
Officer- laughing "Alright sir, do that whistle thing, time to get the fish back."
Guy- "What fish?"
mrdc
Active Member
FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
4. "This is the 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."
3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen."
5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
4. "This is the 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."
3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen."
watson3
Active Member
Originally Posted by MoneyMan
Check this blond joke. Cant type it cuz it is rather long.
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/web...ts/blond_joke/
Did this work for anyone, or am I missing something
Check this blond joke. Cant type it cuz it is rather long.
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/web...ts/blond_joke/
Did this work for anyone, or am I missing something
reefreak29
Active Member
Originally Posted by watson3
I am looking for this one, and clicking in a circle on the word "Blond" not even spelled right, is not going to get it for me
lol thats the funniest thing ive ever seen
I am looking for this one, and clicking in a circle on the word "Blond" not even spelled right, is not going to get it for me
lol thats the funniest thing ive ever seen
agent707
Member
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again
replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in
the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach
the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her
if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
:hilarious
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again
replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in
the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach
the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her
if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
:hilarious
f14peter
Member
Up in the mountains, there was a lake that nobody could catch any fish from, except one loner guy who always came home with a huge mess of fish. He never took anyone with him, nor told anyone his secrets. A game warden got wind of this and figured the guy must be fishing illegal so decided to catch the guy by going under cover and talking the guy into taking him out with him. The warden finally won the fisherman over and was told to meet him down at the lake the next morning. The warden did so and noticed the other guy had no fishing gear, but carried a box. They hopped in the fisherman's boat and once out in the middle of the lake, the guy opened his box, pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit it, threw it in the water where it exploded and several fish floated to the surface. "AHA!" yelled the waden, "I'm a United States Game Warden and I'm going to arrest you for fishing with dynamite!" The fisherman looked at him and said, "But you're out here fishing too, you can't arrest me for something you're also doing." The warden answered, "Hey, I'm not the one fishing with dynamite." The fisherman pulled another stick of dynamite out, lit it, then tossed it in the warden's lap and asked, "Well, are you going to sit there, or are you going to fish?"
[hr]
A blonde bought a Porsche 911 and was out driving down the road when the car stopped running. She was standing alongside the road when another blonde, also driving a Porsche 911 came by and stopped. "What's wrong?" asked the second blonde. The first blonde answered, "I was driving along and my car just stopped. I then looked under the hood and realized somebody stole the engine out of my car!" The second blonde replied "That's okay, I have a spare engine in my trunk."
[hr]
Q: How does an Oakland Raider fan teach his kid how to count to 10?
A: Oh and one, oh and two, oh and three . . .
[hr]
A blonde bought a Porsche 911 and was out driving down the road when the car stopped running. She was standing alongside the road when another blonde, also driving a Porsche 911 came by and stopped. "What's wrong?" asked the second blonde. The first blonde answered, "I was driving along and my car just stopped. I then looked under the hood and realized somebody stole the engine out of my car!" The second blonde replied "That's okay, I have a spare engine in my trunk."
[hr]
Q: How does an Oakland Raider fan teach his kid how to count to 10?
A: Oh and one, oh and two, oh and three . . .
30-xtra high
Active Member
Chuck norris' tears cure cancer... to bad he never cries.
Magic Johnson claims to have slept with over 200,000 woman in his life... Chuck Norris calls that a slow Tuesday
Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands... when he went home they were just called The Islands.
Magic Johnson claims to have slept with over 200,000 woman in his life... Chuck Norris calls that a slow Tuesday
Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands... when he went home they were just called The Islands.