Hard Day :(

jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
well today was the one year anniversary of tobins passing. It's weird but when i woke up this morning i was like ok here it is the day iv'e been dreading, and yeah ive cried alot and reflected alot and wondered what i couldve done differently.this morning one year ago i had to call bob to help get tobin in the car, i wanted to call the ambulance and he told me no he could do it himself. halfway to midland he leaned the seat all the way back and said i'm tired wake me when we get there and turned over to his side facing the window, as i turned in the parking lot his body rolled just a little ,i pulled up in front of allison cancer center opened his door and started to try to get him out i remember yelling for someone to help me and a nurse ran out out we got him on the sidewalk and started cpr.ive replayed it a thousand times and everytime i just think about what could have been done different i should have ignored him and called the ambulance , if i wouldve taken his bp would i have seen anything before we left? i shouldve known , i shouldve seen it and i shouldve been able to stop it ,my life has been a constant emotionally downhill struggle since then , i was bitchy to someone on here earlier and i apologize
dont drink when you are sad
 
mimzy

mimzy

Active Member
oh Jenny. Tobin's passing wasn't your fault. it was imminent and unstoppable. you were there for him when he needed you the most. you loved him. you cared for him, you gave him everything; every part of you; your time, your energy, all your resources - you did everything right. everything. there was nothing you could have done to stop him from dying. that had nothing to do with you. it was not under your control in any way; you deserve to stop punishing yourself for it.
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Jenny my heart goes out... this is a milestone though and you are strong enough to make it through!!! i know everyone here misses his antics and insight...
 
socal57che

socal57che

Active Member
I think you absolutely did the right thing by taking him yourself. He loved you very much and he would rather have spent his last moments with you than in an ambulance. His passing sounds like it was very peaceful. He laid back and fell into eternal rest. That's as much as anyone can hope for when that time comes. And come it will. Think of Tobin and put on a smile. That would make him happy.
 
rotarymagic

rotarymagic

Active Member
Originally Posted by ruaround
http:///forum/post/2846914
dude you have no clue... if there was a mad smiley i would use it here!!! or perhaps even a middle finger smiley...
sorry bout that... bug...
Jenny my heart goes out... this is a milestone though and you are strong enough to make it through!!! i know everyone here misses his antics and insight...
fixed.. for some reason I thought the moral was "don't drink when you're sad" like he died from drinking.. Didn't know he died from cancer. That definitely sucks. I've known a few people that died from various forms of Cancer, definitely not fun.
 
miaheatlvr

miaheatlvr

Active Member
Cancer was the enemy here and there was NOTHING more you could have done! Not one thing! You did everything you could for that man, you were his living guardian angel right here on earth and you should take solace in that.
But time heals old wounds and it seems that you are continuing with your life and moving on for the most part with the love and strength of you friends, family AND your extended family here on SWF. Keep on truckin!

R.I.P. Tobin you are missed!
 
sepulatian

sepulatian

Moderator
Ah Jenny, this must be so tough for you. I can't even imagine. You did what you thought was right and what he wanted you to do. Don't blame yourself, not even for a second. The EMT wouldn't have been able to save him, deep down you must know that. It was just his time. He left the world sitting next to the woman he loves. Stay strong Jen. (hugs)
 
groupergenius

groupergenius

Active Member
Jenny,...dang....I cannot imagine what had gone through your mind. And still to this day. Maybe I'm just a big ole softy, but it's hittin' me again too. I have not lost my spouse, but we did go through my Wife's sister passing from cancer back in '94 at the age of 35.
I remember that night when you posted of Tobin's passing. My wife was walking past me at the computer as I was sobbing like a little girl. Tobin had a way, as you do, of bringing us right into the living room.
Ya'll are great people. Your still here to carry on and raise them youngun's in a positive fashion.
PS....I still have a vision in my silly head of Tobin swattin' cherubs......I just know it.
 
alyssia

alyssia

Active Member
So sorry for your loss Jenny, but like the others have said, you did the right thing. He wanted to go with you, not the EMT's.
BTW, my brother in law did pass away also. His funeral is tomorrow.
 
miaheatlvr

miaheatlvr

Active Member
I would sometimes stay up to 2 or 3am and there was Tobin and we would and could chat about ANYTHING from Politics to Movies to which WWE wrestlers we liked.. Clearly a man with a little of knowledge of everything.. The kind of guy you would like to meet in a bar throwing back some beers and never be bored!

p.s. Sincerest heartfelt condolences Alyssia.
 
alyssia

alyssia

Active Member
Originally Posted by MiaHeatLvr
http:///forum/post/2846981
I would sometimes stay up to 2 or 3am and there was Tobin and we would and could chat about ANYTHING from Politics to Movies to which WWE wrestlers we liked.. Clearly a man with a little of knowledge of everything.. The kind of guy you would like to meet in a bar throwing back some beers and never be bored!

p.s. Sincerest heartfelt condolences Alyssia.
Thanks. Jenny was the only one on here that knew he'd been sick with cancer also. I don't want to hijack though, sorry Jenny.
 
mboswell1982

mboswell1982

Active Member
jenny, i am so sorry, never knew tobin myself, but, in all my researching on here, ive come across many, many of his threads and posts, and he was always amusing, kind, knowlegable, and jsut an all around great guy. i have an idea of what your going through, my oldest sister passed away after battling cancer for almost 5 years back in march, and october first we spread her ashes, on her birthday, in the water off of tybee island ga, so, its always rough, but, things will get better, u just have to get through them one day at a time, but they do get better, and remember, he is in a better place now, just waiting for you to walk across the rainbow road so you can then be in his arms again for all of eternity.
 
groupergenius

groupergenius

Active Member
Originally Posted by Mimzy
http:///forum/post/2846986
LoL omg this is priceless. what a fabulous image.
Well...they're friggin' buzzin around yer head like their stuff don't stink....big poopin' nasty flies as I see it. Shotting at ya with bow and arrows. Kinda like yellowjackets. I'm bettin' they annoy God as well. I could be wrong....but I doubt it.
 
jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
sorry bout drunken ramblings just lonely and sad today, i didnt mean to get anybody down though
alyssia, I am so sorry for your loss. please give your sister a long hug for me and when anyone says - and they will eventually - for her to get over ti punch them in the nose for her,i guess at least tobin is ythere to show him the ropes
here ya go rotarymagics
 
rotarymagic

rotarymagic

Active Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2847287
sorry bout drunken ramblings just lonely and sad today, i didnt mean to get anybody down though
alyssia, I am so sorry for your loss. please give your sister a long hug for me and when anyone says - and they will eventually - for her to get over ti punch them in the nose for her,i guess at least tobin is ythere to show him the ropes
here ya go rotarymagics
looks like my great uncle that died from mouth/throat cancer hooked up to all the machines, chemo'd out, radiated, pale.. it sucks. I watched him die.
 
mimzy

mimzy

Active Member
::sigh::
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Jenny>>>>>>>>>>>>>
please please please please please don't 4get about us. we're still here. and even though we've never met, we still love you. and we respect you. and we think about you. you're allowed to be sad; just don't forget that we're here.
 
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