Hard Day :(

[sepulatian]

Originally Posted by Rotarymagic
http:///forum/post/2847292
looks like my uncle that died from mouth/throat cancer hooked up to all the machines, chemo'd out, radiated, pale.. it sucks. I watched him die.
That picture is so sad. You weren't around when Tobin was here and when Jenny posted that he died a year ago. I guess you are not feeling what we all are. You would have had to be here to understand. Tobin was a very active member of this board and is very much missed by us all.

 

[rotarymagic]

Originally Posted by sepulatian
http:///forum/post/2847302
That picture is so sad. You weren't around when Tobin was here and when Jenny posted that he died a year ago. I guess you are not feeling what we all are. You would have had to be here to understand. Tobin was a very active member of this board and is very much missed.
yeah.. you're right I wasn't here, I'll never know. I do know though that it is quite hard to lose someone close to you and even harder to watch them slowly perish from cancer.

 

[ruaround]

Originally Posted by Rotarymagic
http:///forum/post/2847292
looks like my great uncle that died from mouth/throat cancer hooked up to all the machines, chemo'd out, radiated, pale.. it sucks. I watched him die.
bro you still dont get it... you make me sick... ::vomit smiley::
once again bugg i apologize...

 

[rotarymagic]

Originally Posted by ruaround
http:///forum/post/2847304
bro you still dont get it... you make me sick... ::vomit smiley::
once again bugg i apologize...
that's the thing though.. you're trying to shock me. I don't feel anything from seeing that pic aside from that jenny was definitely scarred by the situation. I've seen people die in front of me and yeah its sucks, yeah it hurts, yeah you can't sleep, yeah you cry, but at the end of it... you gotta go on. I have a trunk full of all the photographs and memories of all the people I've ever known that died.
Don't try to put me on trial.

 

[mimzy]

can we please stop making this thread be about Rotarymagic?
....let's talk about Tobin. he was supah-kewlness. I loved his icon too.

 

[el guapo]

I did not know Tobin , But I can say that his spirit lives on in his friends and family . Its now yours to share those kind and gentle actions with the lives you all touch .
I am very sorry for your loss Jenny.

 

[sepulatian]

Originally Posted by Rotarymagic
http:///forum/post/2847309
that's the thing though.. you're trying to shock me. I don't feel anything from seeing that pic aside from that jenny was definitely scarred by the situation. I've seen people die in front of me and yeah its sucks, yeah it hurts, yeah you can't sleep, yeah you cry, but at the end of it... you gotta go on. I have a trunk full of all the photographs and memories of all the people I've ever known that died.
Don't try to put me on trial.
PLEASE STOP!
Jenny, I am so sorry.

 

[rotarymagic]

Originally Posted by Mimzy
http:///forum/post/2847311
can we please stop making this thread be about Rotarymagic?
....let's talk about Tobin. he was supah-kewlness. I loved his icon too.

agreed.. like Jenny told me in PM, this thread is part of "a drunken rant" because of the memory of losing someone so close and dear to her. Let her have the floor with Tobin, this isn't about me.

 

[el guapo]

Originally Posted by Rotarymagic
http:///forum/post/2847314
agreed.. like Jenny told me in PM, this thread is part of "a drunken rant" because of the memory of losing someone so close and dear to her. Let her have the floor with Tobin, this isn't about me.

Then show some class for once and take a walk .

 

[mimzy]

::sigh:: i wish we could be there. or maybe she needs to be by herself tonight. hopefully 2morrow she'll sign back on and let us talk to her again. i just hope she knows how much we're all thinking about her..... that woman does not deserve to feel so lonely.

 

[sepulatian]

Originally Posted by Mimzy
http:///forum/post/2847316
::sigh:: i wish we could be there. or maybe she needs to be by herself tonight. hopefully 2morrow she'll sign back on and let us talk to her again. i just hope she knows how much we're all thinking about her..... that woman does not deserve to feel so lonely.
I completely agree.
Jenny, we are all here for you.

 

[rebelprettyboy]

Were here for ya Jenny!
It was def nice meeting yall a few times. Us gettin our group orderd in all happy and what not.
Def was a great guy and is missed a lot!
Hope everything is well for you.

 

[reefforbrains]

Come on now Jenn. You know the my relationship with Tobin that went from: sharing the board, to fighting over details, then to poking each others soft spots.
Then to late night phone calls about BS in his whispered voice...Me on the other end making fun of him for his speech while he kept asking about his "farting" clown fish.
He flat out TOLD me about this very moment. HE of all people knew he was on his way out. Very sobering conversations to be having but he had eyes wide open to it.
When he was moving the tank into the bedroom and thinking of the new stand ideas.....We spoke about him tryin to rush too much....He knew he was going to die.
He wanted to move the fishtank and play with the tank but couldnt get out of bed. We joked about A-Z. His s-e-x drive.. to Farting Clownfish and it always seemed that towards the end he would become again laser focused back to the realization that the odds were against him for making any long term plans...."Dont buy any green Bananas Tobin" It never left his mind.
He knew how much he would hurt you and your life. He spoke about THESE very milestones....He spoke about you continuing to live and actually LIVE your life.
New friends, new memories and *gasp* even new romances in your life that he wouldnt be there to share......He would chisle me about not feeling sorry enough to give him the engine from my avatar.
Have some brews, endulge yourself to a point.....but really do not beat yourself down this path.
Like it or not, life DOES move on. This doesn't mean I am trivializing the pain of his absence, I am saying do not beat yourself up about ANYTHING that could have been differently.
Tobin lived his life....He shared and knew ALL of this. Nothing to beat yourself up about. You just miss the guy.
We all do. Only now I have to pick on Bang Guy alone....

 

[shogun323]

I Love ya Jenny and my heart goes out to you!!!

 

[jennythebugg]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2847363
Come on now Jenn. You know the my relationship with Tobin that went from: sharing the board, to fighting over details, then to poking each others soft spots.
Then to late night phone calls about BS in his whispered voice...Me on the other end making fun of him for his speech while he kept asking about his "farting" clown fish.
He flat out TOLD me about this very moment. HE of all people knew he was on his way out. Very sobering conversations to be having but he had eyes wide open to it.
When he was moving the tank into the bedroom and thinking of the new stand ideas.....We spoke about him tryin to rush too much....He knew he was going to die.
He wanted to move the fishtank and play with the tank but couldnt get out of bed. We joked about A-Z. His s-e-x drive.. to Farting Clownfish and it always seemed that towards the end he would become again laser focused back to the realization that the odds were against him for making any long term plans...."Dont buy any green Bananas Tobin" It never left his mind.
He knew how much he would hurt you and your life. He spoke about THESE very milestones....He spoke about you continuing to live and actually LIVE your life.
New friends, new memories and *gasp* even new romances in your life that he wouldnt be there to share......He would chisle me about not feeling sorry enough to give him the engine from my avatar.
Have some brews, endulge yourself to a point.....but really do not beat yourself down this path.
Like it or not, life DOES move on. This doesn't mean I am trivializing the pain of his absence, I am saying do not beat yourself up about ANYTHING that could have been differently.
Tobin lived his life....He shared and knew ALL of this. Nothing to beat yourself up about. You just miss the guy.
We all do. Only now I have to pick on Bang Guy alone....
Im really sorry guys, it was stupid to drink on a school night im really regretting that decision , i shoulda just stayed in bed , thanks for your kind words, iguess i was just feeling sorry for myself. your right RFB life does move on I just can't help but compare - everybody and everything they do with tobin and frankly nobody really matches up, rarely does a girl find a guy who puts her happiness above just about everything else and it spoiled me i guess. i feel guilty about new relationships, not at the time really but afterwards when it really sinks in. then i'm all like - dang no ones ever gonna live up to the standards that he set. he was the most amazing friend a person could ask for we used to just talk for hours about nothing really but it was a great conversation and he was always excited to take part in it. for the 18+ crowd he was a kama sutra kinda guy and always made IT , not only worthwhile, but incredible, there towards the end it dwindled, but he made me feel wanted whether he could do anything about it or not. before he got too sick he would cook and clean when i would come in from work he would have me a hot bath ready cause he said when i did that for him it felt good and he wanted to make me feel good. then he would sit on the potty and rub my feet while i was soaking if i was extra sore that day.... thats a once in a lifetime man . anyways sorry about my drunkeness guys i have my wits again today at least so far. thanks for ''talking me off the ledge''

 

[nwdyr]

OMG.........First like all the others said there is NOTHING you could have done to stop him from passing. My cuz just went thru this with my aunt , My aunt was sick and my cuz wanted to take her to the Hospital but my aunt said no. Well she went to sleep and never woke up

Why God wants you , you have to go. Its sounds like that poor man suffered enough , now he is with God and way more happy then we are. You are SUCH a strong person! you are suffering I know , but you are making it because you know you have to , for him , for you and for all the people that love you. I will say a prayer for him and YOU today!! Please keep talking about it and let the feelings come thru , we are all here for you!!!!!!!

 

[sangria]

Jenn, this brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you.

 

[ice4ice]

Jenny - there are so many what if's in life. In your case you felt what you thought was the right thing to do and you did it. Sometimes I think about how things would have be if I had done something in another way instead of my chosen way. There's now way to tell what the outcome would have turned out. You did what you felt was the right thing to do. Stop blaming yourself. You were there throughout his illness and you were the angel in his life. God may have taken Tobin away from but there's one thing he won't take from you ... an that's memories of him in your heart. Cherish those memories.

 

[reefraff]

Having been strapped on to a gurney and loaded in the back of an ambulance on several occasions I can guarantee you your guy's final moments were much better spent with you in the car. It was his time. The ambulance ride likely would have made no difference other than you not being with him when he left.

 

[crimzy]

Jenny, don't beat yourself up about the past. Tobin is still with you. Take some comfort that he is not mourning like you, he is smiling at how much you love and miss him. I believe that he will be watching over you for the rest of your life.

But thank you for posting this. I was about to come on and talk about some nonsense about a stressful morning. After reading this, minor stresses appear so insignificant. Thank you for helping me with some perspective.