I need to vent a little on here

travelerjp98

travelerjp98

Active Member
If you want to read this, read it. If not, thats OK... I just really need to get this off my chest.
Well, unfortunaltely I found my clarkii clownfish dead in my tank today

He was one of my favorite little fish and he always brightened my day because he was just so happy.
I attribute his cause of death to 3 factors: 1) He was of old age when I bought him already 2) He was fighting with some fin rot 3) He may have not been getting enough food due to larger fish competing with him
I usually don't bury my fish; but I did bury this one because he really was one of my favorites. I spent an hour outside with his carcass/remains burying him and crying my heart out while at it.
When I get back inside, instead of being supportive, my parents yell at me saying that the death was my fault. They said that "I didn't feed enough" and that "I should have fed more" and also that "Our friends have also have a sw fish tank, and that when we came over, they threw a leaf of lettuce in and the fish ate it; why don't you do that with yours?"
Well I tried to explain that lettuce is not the best option to feed fish, and that it is kind of like chips for them. HAH... they start SCREAMING their lungs out at me
And then my mom says "See, you can't keep aggressive fish with peaceful fish and vice versa." NO, REALLY? I NEVER KNEW THAT.
So the thing that really makes me do this:
is that they try to "teach me" about sw fish.
Stuff like "You need to feed your fish more often" and the aggressive fish statement, and I could name a lot more of those things that they try to teach me about sw.
I can't stand it when they do that.
No, they have absolutely 0 experience with saltwater fish.
Yes, they said sorry at the end, and how they shouldn't have yelled, but they still tried to TEACH ME STUFF ABOUT SW. Lessons about life, etc.... great. But please don't try to teach me about something that I have been learnig for the past 3 years of keeping my tank. I surely know more than you do,
I don't know if this post makes any sense. This was really just my mental thoughts being typed out.
 
luvmyreef

luvmyreef

Active Member
Sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I lost my clowns that I had for about 7 years when I upgraded to the 180g. Really sucks. :(
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
SORRY to hear about your Clarkii,.......IDK what you may have done.....right or wrong....just here to say sorry :(
 
rainbow grouper

rainbow grouper

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelerjp98 http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427548
If you want to read this, read it. If not, thats OK... I just really need to get this off my chest.
Well, unfortunaltely I found my clarkii clownfish dead in my tank today

He was one of my favorite little fish and he always brightened my day because he was just so happy.
I attribute his cause of death to 3 factors: 1) He was of old age when I bought him already 2) He was fighting with some fin rot 3) He may have not been getting enough food due to larger fish competing with him
I usually don't bury my fish; but I did bury this one because he really was one of my favorites. I spent an hour outside with his carcass/remains burying him and crying my heart out while at it.
When I get back inside, instead of being supportive, my parents yell at me saying that the death was my fault. They said that "I didn't feed enough" and that "I should have fed more" and also that "Our friends have also have a sw fish tank, and that when we came over, they threw a leaf of lettuce in and the fish ate it; why don't you do that with yours?"
Well I tried to explain that lettuce is not the best option to feed fish, and that it is kind of like chips for them. HAH... they start SCREAMING their lungs out at me
And then my mom says "See, you can't keep aggressive fish with peaceful fish and vice versa." NO, REALLY? I NEVER KNEW THAT.
So the thing that really makes me do this:
is that they try to "teach me" about sw fish.
Stuff like "You need to feed your fish more often" and the aggressive fish statement, and I could name a lot more of those things that they try to teach me about sw.
I can't stand it when they do that.
No, they have absolutely 0 experience with saltwater fish.
Yes, they said sorry at the end, and how they shouldn't have yelled, but they still tried to TEACH ME STUFF ABOUT SW. Lessons about life, etc.... great. But please don't try to teach me about something that I have been learnig for the past 3 years of keeping my tank. I surely know more than you do,
I don't know if this post makes any sense. This was really just my mental thoughts being typed out.
Sorry for your loss but like you say they haven't a right to teach YOU how you should and shouldn't keep fish. IMO you have been a great poster and have taught me a lot. i do not think it is there place to tell you what and what not to do. My personal view on this is it is like an apprentice telling the master how to do there speciality.
 
rainbow grouper

rainbow grouper

Active Member
Oh and also something they need to know before telling anyone to feed there fish lettuce is:it has next to NO nutritional value for fish or humans so what is the pure point in feeding it to them?
 
rainbow grouper

rainbow grouper

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelerjp98 http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427566
Meaning?
i think snake is referring to the fact that he thought the thread would be a good a story however due to my interpretation of the sentence(which may or may not be correct) the thread in his opinion was not as interesting as he had hoped.Or interpretation number two which is the most likely answer he hated the reason for you needing to vent.
 
flower

flower

Well-Known Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelerjp98 http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427548
If you want to read this, read it. If not, thats OK... I just really need to get this off my chest.
Well, unfortunaltely I found my clarkii clownfish dead in my tank today

He was one of my favorite little fish and he always brightened my day because he was just so happy.
I attribute his cause of death to 3 factors: 1) He was of old age when I bought him already 2) He was fighting with some fin rot 3) He may have not been getting enough food due to larger fish competing with him
I usually don't bury my fish; but I did bury this one because he really was one of my favorites. I spent an hour outside with his carcass/remains burying him and crying my heart out while at it.
When I get back inside, instead of being supportive, my parents yell at me saying that the death was my fault. They said that "I didn't feed enough" and that "I should have fed more" and also that "Our friends have also have a sw fish tank, and that when we came over, they threw a leaf of lettuce in and the fish ate it; why don't you do that with yours?"
Well I tried to explain that lettuce is not the best option to feed fish, and that it is kind of like chips for them. HAH... they start SCREAMING their lungs out at me
And then my mom says "See, you can't keep aggressive fish with peaceful fish and vice versa." NO, REALLY? I NEVER KNEW THAT.
So the thing that really makes me do this:
is that they try to "teach me" about sw fish.
Stuff like "You need to feed your fish more often" and the aggressive fish statement, and I could name a lot more of those things that they try to teach me about sw.
I can't stand it when they do that.
No, they have absolutely 0 experience with saltwater fish.
Yes, they said sorry at the end, and how they shouldn't have yelled, but they still tried to TEACH ME STUFF ABOUT SW. Lessons about life, etc.... great. But please don't try to teach me about something that I have been learnig for the past 3 years of keeping my tank. I surely know more than you do,
I don't know if this post makes any sense. This was really just my mental thoughts being typed out.
As a grandmother and mother...I doubt the whole thing went down like you make it sound. First, I don't know how many times the children precieve we are "yelling" at them when we are trying to make enough noise to be heard over an upset childs rants and tears....You said you spent an hour crying outside trying to bury your little fish, so it doesn't sound like you had your wits about you.
Second..my dear you don't know everything. Your parents were most likely giving you their ideas of what MIGHT have killed the fish. If you did this or that it MIGHT have helped. Basically we do the same thing here. try this, try that...you don't think we are yelling at you, or not smart enough to offer some solution even if it's a guess.
The truth is grief, be it over a person or an animal...anger is easier to deal with, so many times when a person grieves they turn their anger on others.... and I think that is what really is going on...your upset about a death, and for that I say...I'm so sorry for the loss...it's a bummer and we fish huggers know how you feel.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
You yourself say he might not have been getting enough food. Had you mentioned that to your parents before the fish died? Perhaps they are making their assumption based on what you were telling them. Fish die. It happens, your fault, my fault nobodies fault. Might have been old age, might have been a parasite. All we can do are those things we know to be right and watch the critters for signs of known ailments and treat as needed. I am sure you gave your fish a great home. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's OK to feel bad but don't feel guilty unless you know you screwed up. If that's the case learn from your mistake (we've all made them) and move on.
 
morgan175

morgan175

Member
We all make mistakes. Live and learn. Sorry for your loss.
I agree with flower their is always two views on how things went down.
 
travelerjp98

travelerjp98

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow grouper http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427973
Sorry for your loss but like you say they haven't a right to teach YOU how you should and shouldn't keep fish. IMO you have been a great poster and have taught me a lot. i do not think it is there place to tell you what and what not to do. My personal view on this is it is like an apprentice telling the master how to do there speciality.
See, in fishkeeping I agree with you. Otherwise I have to disagree, they are my rulers... :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow grouper http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427975
Oh and also something they need to know before telling anyone to feed there fish lettuce is:it has next to NO nutritional value for fish or humans so what is the pure point in feeding it to them?
IDK... my dad has this weird thing about how he thinks feeding lettuce is good for fish.. no matter how much I try to explain it to him

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flower http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3427979
As a grandmother and mother...I doubt the whole thing went down like you make it sound. First, I don't know how many times the children precieve we are "yelling" at them when we are trying to make enough noise to be heard over an upset childs rants and tears.
Second..my dear you don't know everything. Your parents were most likely giving you their ideas of what MIGHT have killed the fish. If you did this or that it MIGHT have helped. Basically we do the same thing here. try this, try that...you don't think we are yelling at you, or not smart enough to offer some solution even if it's a guess.
The truth is grief, be it over a person or an animal...anger is easier to deal with, so many times when a person grieves they turn their anger on others.... and I think that is what really is going on...your upset about a death, and for that I say...I'm so sorry for the loss...it's a bummer and we fish huggers know how you feel.
I understand I don't know anything. But I know a heck of a lot more about fishkeeping than they do!
Quote:
Originally Posted by reefraff http:///t/388578/i-need-to-vent-a-little-on-here#post_3428006
You yourself say he might not have been getting enough food. Had you mentioned that to your parents before the fish died? Perhaps they are making their assumption based on what you were telling them. Fish die. It happens, your fault, my fault nobodies fault. Might have been old age, might have been a parasite. All we can do are those things we know to be right and watch the critters for signs of known ailments and treat as needed. I am sure you gave your fish a great home. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's OK to feel bad but don't feel guilty unless you know you screwed up. If that's the case learn from your mistake (we've all made them) and move on.
Who knows..
I'm fine now, it was just a bad night for all of us. Not to mention that the 2 of them were fighting earlier in the evening, so... they were already angry and aggravated...
I'm over it......... I appreciate all of your guys words of concern...... thank you.
But, I want to forget about that whole night and under that request; may this thread be bumped no more.
 
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