friction32
Member
If Patton were President (or how it SHOULD be)
If General George Patton were alive and President of the USA.
This would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It
is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list
is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway and Poland
are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of
the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes
and solve some local problems. On that note, a word to terrorist
organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and
all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country
to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys, work out a
peace deal now! Just note..... Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
A note to France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the
many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we
are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try
not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a
couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm
gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting
now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn
tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you, and we pay our debts. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. Thank you and good night.
If General George Patton were alive and President of the USA.
This would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all
American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It
is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list
is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway and Poland
are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of
the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes
and solve some local problems. On that note, a word to terrorist
organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and
all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country
to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys, work out a
peace deal now! Just note..... Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
A note to France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the
many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we
are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try
not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a
couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm
gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting
now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn
tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you, and we pay our debts. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. Thank you and good night.
