OT: Grief counseling

[jillian ayers]

I lost my favorite cat a week or so ago to cancer, and can't seem to find anyone out there who understands my plight. I had him for twelve years, since I was 6, and he was always my favorite and, man, talk about a bad blow. Has anyone else suffered a loss like this? People think I'm crazy for buying an expensive urn for him and crying alot.
Rest In Peace Black Star

 

[snowbear]

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

 

[jillian ayers]

I saw that poem before but never stopped to read it. It's so nice, now I'm crying. I tell you, it's not fair, he was too important to leave me so soon.

 

[snowbear]

That's the bummer part of having pets. Not very many of them have life spans as long as ours Guess I'm a cynic in my old age, but I've learned to love them while they're around and miss them when they're gone. I tend to have a lot of fur babies around me at all times, so there are others to comfort me when I lose one of them. At least they don't betray you like the 2-legged variety

 

[jillian ayers]

Right now, I have three 7 month old kittens living here with me, and my fish of course. And back at my parents' house, there are 4 cats, 2 mice, and a dog. My older sister also owns a guinea pig I rescued from a pet shop owner who was going to feed it to a snake. But all the pets in the world will never change the way I felt for him. He was born when I was a little girl in our back yard to a stray cat who had been wandering the neighborhood for awhile. When I had no friends and was always in trouble, he was the only one who was there for me and slept next to me every night. He was the best cat ever and there will never be another like him. Maybe I will find a pic and post it here someday, he was so beautiful. The worst was the way he died... all the money in the world could not have saved him. Numerous vet appointments and even a visit to a specialist told us that there was nothing that could be done for him. The cancer was in his throat and it cut off his ability to eat and to breathe right. At the end, I cried all the time for him. But I know he is here with me, watching over me. Thanx for replying, snowbear, you have no idea how hard this has been on me. I have his ashes now, but can't find an urn I like enough to put them in. It's almost like none of them are good enough. Any suggestions?

 

[jillian ayers]

Thank you.

 

[snowbear]

Yes, Jillian, I do have a pretty good idea how you feel. I didn't mean to say the other fur-babies take away your pain, but that I have learned to let them comfort me. If I didn't have them and the wet pets, I probably wouldn't be here now. As a medic and a firefighter, I've been witness to and been in the middle of a lot of misery and death, but for me losing a pet is a whole lot worse than losing a patient.

 

[hairtrigger]

I'm sorry you lost your cat. I have a dog. But, no matter what the pet, over that length of time they become part of you. The simple fact that you are remembering him on here is very cool. You won't find anyone here who doesn't support you. Give it a little time, grief will bring out the best memories. Those you can keep forever.

 

[benj420]

Animals are definitely like children to me. Losing them have been tougher than anything else in my life, including humans. They teach you the meaning of "unconditional love". The new animals in my life haven't replaced the ones that have passed, but your heart grows a little bigger and let's the new ones in. Here is my "son", who in his young life has already gotten me through some really tough times.

If here were there right now, he would be licking your face to make you feel better.

 

[broomer5]

Sorry to hear that Jillian
Losing a "special" pet can be very tough.

 

[ophiura]

Jillian,
I can understand your pain well, and it has already been two years since I unexpectedly lost my cat, Plutues, to mediastinal lymphoma. One month, she had her annual vet check and was fine, a few weeks later she was at the emergency vet, and within the month was put to sleep. I spent thousands of dollars I didn't have to treat her, because I knew that it would be easier for me to pay that off then to wonder "what if" for the rest of my days. She was about 6 years old; completely unexpected. My other cat was 16, those I grew up with and who lived with my parents- 20 and 15. I was so shocked that my young Pluteus was taken so quickly from me. She was everything, and really caused me to re-evaluate a lot of the things going on in my life at the time. I had her cremated, and bought an urn. I don't think it is silly at all.
What perhaps surprised many people, was that I went out and adopted another cat the very next day. I had decided that I had to put my Pluteus down after a hard fight, but I wouldn't allow a cat to be put down just because no one wanted it.
There are some Yahoo groups on feline cancer. Also, you may wish to put an online memorial to your friend at:
http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/
There is no charge (donations only), and I keep one for my Pluteus there:
http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/per...te.asp?ID=8708
It helps to visit now and then. You are not alone. If you would like, feel free to email me at:
sih@gwu.edu
Susan

 

[goldfish]

I can only imagine how you are feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a cat now who has been with me since she was 3 months old and is now 14 years old. She is going in for surgery on the 20th of this month to remove bladder stones which have been blocking her urethra (sorry for the details guys!) causing her to not be able to "eliminate" properly. She is extremely healthy at this point other than the stones, but my vet has informed me she "may not bounce back the way a young cat would" due to her old age. Believe me, the thought of losing her is absolutely devastating and the day it happens I will fall apart. Don't ever feel "odd" for crying or sharing your feelings about a pet. They are truly part of your family and are in your heart. It sounds like you did everything humanly possible to save your cat, and in the end putting her to sleep was the way to end her misery. If they cannot eat or breathe properly then they are not going to have a happy life. YOu did the right thing even though you are hurting. Keep your chin up....I'm thinking of you.

 

[ophiura]

I think the place I went to for cremation was the same place you would take a person...think I found them in the phone book and called around. Some can be pretty pricey. Vet offices often offer this service, so it is worth asking about, but they can be quite a bit more expensive. I think it cost me between $100-$200 dollars, but it has been some time now....

 

[jillian ayers]

ophiura, you live in Houston? Have you ever heard of Tanglewood Animal Hospital on Chimney Rock? That's where my beautiful Black Star was put down and cremated. It cost me $96 for the cremains, and he was a 10 pound cat. Yes, only ten pounds after the cancer took everything else... I've been looking at urns and they range in price from $40 to over $500. Even though we don't have much money, I only want the best for him.
And thank you, everybody, thank you so much for your responses. This has been one of the most difficult times of my life. I still haven't even found the right urn yet because I can only spend so much time looking before I start crying. It's good to know I'm not alone. If nothing else, at least I know he is not sick anymore.

 

[jarre]

Jill I definately understand your feelings. I lost a very special family member (my tabby) and just a few months later lost another very special family member (my burmese). It hit me hard and I really felt lost for awhile.
The memories of our good times got me through the loss and I guess you could say is helping me with watching my Mother die. When all else fails and I hurt real bad all I have to do is close my eyes and see the smile and feel the warmer we shared together and know that they don't hurt anymore!
You just hang in there and it will get better! (HUG)

 

[jillian ayers]

Jarre-
How sad! I'm so sorry your mother is dying! I know if one of my parents died right now, I would go crazy. You must be really strong. But remember that it is God's will that these things happen at these times. Is the cat in your avatar one of the ones that died? He/she is very pretty! If I could find a pic of my cat that isn't already set in a frame I will put it up. I have a beautiful one of him and hope to get it scanned someday so you can all see how pretty he really was.
That said, I would like to use this thread for anyone who has lost something/someone dear to them. Anyone who wants to post pics, memories, names, dates, anything about a lost loved one here should. Sometimes memory is the only option we have left...

 

[jarre]

Jill - Thanks, it is sad to watch and I've been watching it for several years now. What really hurts more than anything is knowing we aren't supposed to wish a parent to die, yet not wanting them to suffer either - what a catch 22!
I wouldn't really say I'm strong. Mom is the strong one, going through this for years and anytime I talk with her she is having a good day - no matter how she feeling! She provides a tremendous inspiration everyday by her example!
The cat in the avator is Cher (a Tonkinese named after the singer/actress and a pun, we all get to Cher her!) I've had her for almost two years now, she's a Christmas Eve kitty. She has personality plus and loves her daddy just as much as I love her. Yep, she's spoiled!!