Parents: the no life phase?

[crimzy]

Just kind of venting here. I have two young daughters, 18 months and 3 weeks, and I am firmly entrenched in the "no life phase", or as my wife and I call it, "the revolving door". We try to help each other as much as possible so that we share the waking up at night, getting out of the house, socializing, etc. So, for instance, we each have one night per week to go out and do something while the other watches the girls. For me, I'll go play basketball or golf with the guys. Michelle will go out on her night and sit at a bar outside with some people and has a beer or two. This is the revolving door, she leaves when I come home, and vice versa.
The situation works out ok for us but the problem is that we don't get any time together, without the girls. All of the family member baby sitters cannot handle both girls together. It's tough for us to handle the girls by ourselves so I don't feel right about asking someone else to do it.
I know that this is just a phase, and as the girls grow, we'll get our life back. But for now, things are real quiet. I find myself spending waay tooo much time on the computer and in front of the tv. Is this something everyone goes through? Not really looking for a solution, just wanted some other parents to share their thoughts/experiences.

 

[ric maniac]

im not a parent but i have some advice anyway. i would suggest putting them with seperate baby sitters like once every 2 weeks and go have a romantic dinner or see a movie. just my 2 cents. and when they are older you will have more time.

 

[crimzy]

Originally Posted by ric maniac
im not a parent but i happen to be a kid. but i would suggest putting them with seperate baby sitters like once every 2 weeks and go have a romantic dinner or see a movie. just my 2 cents.
It is a good idea and we've talked about it. It's strange but as much as I'd like to go out, it is actually tough to leave the girls for an evening.

 

[ruaround]

crimz... these are trying times... and actually what ric mentioned may be one of the best things you can do... take a family walk around the block... cruise to the park...
keep in mind though that its not necessarily what you do, but the fact that your wife knows that you know she is beautiful and still exists... i still have the same yahoo if you want to chat...

 

[ric maniac]

it must be hard to leave them, i agree. i would be woried sick about something going wrong. but as i said, they will get older and you will have more time with your spouse.

 

[ric maniac]

Originally Posted by ruaround
keep in mind though that its not necessarily what you do, but the fact that your wife knows that you know she is beautiful and still exists
this is very important too. every night be sure to tell her you love her more than anything and that she is beautifull, that will matter more to her than anything else you could do.

 

[crimzy]

Originally Posted by ruaround
crimz... these are trying times... and actually what ric mentioned may be one of the best things you can do... take a family walk around the block... cruise to the park...
keep in mind though that its not necessarily what you do, but the fact that your wife knows that you know she is beautiful and still exists... i still have the same yahoo if you want to chat...
Just so you know ru... you da man.

 

[ruaround]

Originally Posted by crimzy
Just so you know ru... you da man.
thanks bro!!!

 

[sepulatian]

As a realist, I have a child and have been through the "no life" part of parenting. If you guys can get a sitter once a month to go out that is a huge plus. Many parents don't even get that. That is why the first 18 months are called "baby jail". Enjoy your babies. They don't stay small for long. It may seem like you are being cheated out of a social life right now but, believe me, you will be protesting your daughters' social life way sooner than it seems. Enjoy your time with your little ones. It is gone before you know it!

 

[lovethesea]

yep, it comes with the territory. Just remember it is short. We never had the option of anyone to be there for us with our kids. In a few weeks when your younger one is sleeping longer you will be able to have longer stretches together. Even if both of them nap together......you guys take a nap.
It may not seem like it now, but these are the times you will look back on and cherish. my favorite was the 2-3 am feeding, very quiet in the house, just the 2 of us. That only lasted about a month......as they start sleeping longer.
It does fly by......now for some reason boys are starting to swarm our house.......talk about not sleeping

 

[jmick]

My wife and I have a 6 month old little girl and a 28 month old little boy so I know your pain. What's hard for us is that we have no family in the area so it can be hard for the two of us to get out for a night. HOwever, we are lucky to have great day care, we have a couple of sisters that run an inhome daycare right down the road from us and they are wonderful, the kids are happy there and the other little ones there are great kids. My wife is a career woman and I don't think she'd be happy as a stay at home mom so I leave that alone.
What we like to do is every month, we will both take a Friday afternoon off and go out and have a nice lunch together and then go to the movies, pool, shopping or spend some alone time together. Also, we each find the time to get out and do our own things, I like to go to the gym or do things associated with my tank and my wife likes to go out with the girls. For us, the hardest time was when my wife was into the 3rd term with the second, we were constantly bickering and miserable...she was just soooo unhappy being cooped up in the house and took it out on me. I tried to take it all in stride but it proved difficult. Thankfully, things are great now. We enjoy the time with our kids and the time we have with each other and with our friends.

 

[smartorl]

I agree with Ric, pick a day a month and find the time to reconnect on a date night. It seems like they will be little and so all encompassing but in reality it goes by so fast. Take the time to enjoy the kids together, instead of getting on the computer and watching tv, take the family on a walk or just sit around and have quiet time without interuptions or distractions. It may sound stupid but it can really help you two to stay connected. Little things like just spending time with out distractions can mean the world to your spouse and your kids. It is nice to have "alone" time but it is more important to have "together" time. I see so many couples that take "alone" time that are completely disassociated with their partner by the time the kids get over three years old and they often split up. You can't just take it for granted that when the kids get older you both will resume where you left off, you have to work at making the couple work while the kids are little. Your feelings are totally normal, I think everyone goes through it. Good luck.

 

[jennythebugg]

we have 4 kids between us girls(14 &12)boys(4 &5)speaking as a mom who had the husband that spent alot of time on the computer and in front of the tv , turn it off and for at least 15 minutes every night talk to each other about your day and keep up with whats going on in each others heads, you guys definatly need to make time for togetherness , split the kids up among family at least once a month i would say twice , go get a massage together and dinner, even a picnic and a walk - stay at home rent a movie and get naughty, the point is do it together,it goes by really fast and if ya don't stay close to one another emotionally the next thing you know your kids are teenagers and you and your wife have grown apart, but yes it is completely normal

p.s it wasn't tobin it was my girls father

 

[ruaround]

the thing about setting a date night is that it too becomes routine as well... spontanaity is the spice of life... find the sitter(s) without your wife knowing and take her out to a nice dinner, some window shopping, tour the museum, or go to the botanical gardens... something that will make the two of you interact and discuss the evening...

 

[seasalt101]

duct tape the kids in the closet, put lights on timers add a few airwicks with the timers and take a cruise, jk plan a night out as a couple if the in-laws are close you know the kids will be fine add a movie dinner and a nice piece of jewelry and end the night with champagne pick up kids next day...tobin

 

[crimzy]

Everyone has good ideas. We are planning to (hopefully) get out next week for the first time since the little one was born. I like the idea of surprising her with a night out. I may work on that.

 

[seasalt101]

Originally Posted by crimzy
Everyone has good ideas. We are planning to (hopefully) get out next week for the first time since the little one was born. I like the idea of surprising her with a night out. I may work on that.
good luck to you...tobin

 

[crimzy]

Originally Posted by seasalt101
good luck to you...tobin
Right back at ya.

 

[npage]

With a newborn at 3 weeks you are right, you have no life. After about a month or two things will start to stabilize and things will get easier. Depending on your youngest's disposition, try to all go out for a quick dinner to someplace family friendly, like Chili's or TGI Fridays. Its not a night out alone but it is some time out of the house.
We have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 4 month old daughter. I know your pain. One thing that we do that helps is if I want to run out on a errand, I'll take my son with and leave my wife with the baby. He appreciates the alone time away from the baby and I get to get some things done.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but... you're parents now. You really don't have a social life any more. We saw our first move alone for the first time in 18 months just last week.
After the baby fall into a schedule it will be a lot easier have one person watch both. Once she starts sleeping through the night, have someone come over after bedtime to keep an eye on things and you two can go out together for a late dinner. Or sneak in a nap.

 

[crimzy]

Originally Posted by NPage
With a newborn at 3 weeks you are right, you have no life. After about a month or two things will start to stabilize and things will get easier. Depending on your youngest's disposition, try to all go out for a quick dinner to someplace family friendly, like Chili's or TGI Fridays. Its not a night out alone but it is some time out of the house.
We have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 4 month old daughter. I know your pain. One thing that we do that helps is if I want to run out on a errand, I'll take my son with and leave my wife with the baby. He appreciates the alone time away from the baby and I get to get some things done.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but... you're parents now. You really don't have a social life any more. We saw our first move alone for the first time in 18 months just last week.
After the baby fall into a schedule it will be a lot easier have one person watch both. Once she starts sleeping through the night, have someone come over after bedtime to keep an eye on things and you two can go out together for a late dinner. Or sneak in a nap.
Actually the 18 month old is much more difficult to take to a restaurant. The baby is easy, she just eats, sleeps and poops. I'd imagine that taking your 2 1/2 year old to a restaurant is a challenge.