politicall incorrect!

reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
You have a Texan, a black man, a jewish man and a mexican man walking along the beach when one of them stumbles over what appears to be an old lamp. When the lamp is brushed off a genie (yeah, it's another genie joke) appears. He tells them the usual rule is 3 wishes (different union from the previous genie joke) but since there are 4 of them he will kick in an extra out of his own pocket so they can each have one.
The Mexican man starts. He says "My people have been oppressed in this country for far too long. I want to be reunited in my homeland of Mexico with all of my Mexican brothers and sisters to live in peace and harmony until the ends of time". The genie waves his hand and the man vanishes.
The Black man went next. He says "That guy has no idea how oppressed my people have been in this country nor for how long. I would like to be reunited in Africa with all my African brothers and sisters to live in peace and harmony until the end of time" and with that the genie waves and the black man vanishes.
The Jewish man was next. He says "those fellows have no idea about oppression. My people have faced oppression not just in this country but in many others for more than a thousand years. I would like to be reunited in Israel with all my Jewish brothers and sisters to live in peace and harmony until the end of time. Again the genie waves his hand and the man disappears.
Next up was the Texan. He says "Let me get something straight before I make my wish. All the Mexicans are now in Mexico?" "Yes" the Genie responded. "And all the blacks in Africa?" The genie says yes. "And the Jews?" "All in Israel" the genie responds. The Texan thinks for a moment and says "I'd like a Pepsi"
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
In the Beginning
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's California the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, deserts, streams, hills, and forests. The people from California are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in Sacramento."
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it’sAfrica
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!
I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
Girl says: It’s unfair that if a guy sleeps with a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl sleeps with just two guys in a year, she’s a slut.
Guy responds: If a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key, but if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a crappy lock.
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm
but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back
to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws
... the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, 'I
think I can stand over the hole!' So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.' And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up
chicks!
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
:))):
:rotfl:
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the jewels? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the jewels. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the jewels is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the jewels."
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
A store that sells husbands has just opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but
... you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
One day little Johnny was sitting in math class and his teacher was asking the class word problems when she got to Little Johnny and said, “If there are three birds sitting on a power line and you grab your shot gun and shoot two of them, how many are left?”
“None.” Johnny replied.
The teacher said “Actually, one would be left, 3 – 2 = 1?
...
Little Johnny said, “No, if your using a shot gun to shoot at birds then the other one is going to fly off from the sound.”
The teacher says, “Well no the answer is still one, but I like the way you think.”
Johnny starts to think to him self, “Hmmm you like the way I think huh,” and he says to the teacher, “Three women are sitting on a park bench and they all have lolly pops. One of them is sucking on it, one is licking it, and the other is biting it. Which one is married?”
The teacher says, “The one sucking it of course.”
And Johnny replies, “No, the one wearing the wedding ring… but I like the way you think.”
 
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