Relationship Advice

[rzande1]

hello all. I wanna get your opinion on this crap. Ok well I used to date this girl diana for two years. Then we broke up for a year and didnt talk to each other over a misunderstanding. Then all of a sudden about 6 months ago she appologizes for being terrible. So then we start hanging out and......you know. Anyway we get closer and closer and then it looks like we are going to get closer and date again. Mind you when I dated her I was enguaged to her towards the end when i dated her. Well anyway we went back to "close firends with benefits" Now she is saying that she wants to be my friend and date another guy or other guys possibly long term and if she doesnt like them well she will come to me. I was actually going to go along with this because I am just head over heals in love with her. Well today it hits me i am a moron for actually going to go along with it. I was literally so stressed about it that my hair was falling out.

 

[ruaround]

as long as you can "play the field" too its all good... heh... J/K... sounds as though she wants cake and eat it too... using you as the fall back boy... dont settle for it... there ARE more fich in the sea that would prolly be more than happy to be with just you...
good luck man... to bad there isnt a relationship manual... make things much easier prolly...

 

[rzande1]

Oh to make it better. Well yes I can play the field. Infact she wants me to. Yea before she said she would tell me everything about her relationships with the guys and now she said no since she will change her mind like i did about being stupid and waiting. LOL see now it will get nasty back and forth.

 

[lovethesea]

run away as fast as you can. It seems she only wants you around when she is single????

 

[lion_crazz]

I would get out of that as fast as possible. It will work out for you if she does not find anyone, but if she does, your heart will be shattered. You will constantly be waiting for her. If she does not like you without checking out the field, then she is not worth it.

 

[shogun323]

Originally Posted by lovethesea
run away as fast as you can. It seems she only wants you around when she is single????

I agree. Tell her to get bent. You really don't need all the drama!

 

[tizzo]

Ya know, part of me is thinking...let her date, you don't want her if she's carrying baggage. Let her get it out of her system, but another part of me is thinking she's putting you on the back burner and that's kinda rude. So I thought about it...
I agree with the rest, let her go...
You may be head over heals in love, and you most likely always will be, but the feelings are not mutual, and in the long run, it's less torturous to walk away now...
Maybe if you guys run into each another in 5 years, and she's matured and single... But until then, you need to try to get past her...

 

[rzande1]

Trust me I am already shattered. no more like it is cut out and fed to a shark. It really has got to me. I have no confidence anymore. Honestly it has made me a hallow person. Completely dead inside besides the pain and agony i feel every moment I am awake. Just the thought of her with someone else makes me die inside. I can feel all the happiness seep out of me when i think of her with someone else.

 

[tizzo]

Like I said, you will never stop loving her, but you need to learn how to deal with future relationships and every day life with that piece of baggage.
I think most of us have some sort of baggage like that, commonly referred to as "first love".
Focus on you for a while... get yourself together, and try to start anew with the circumstances being what they are...
You will meet other women, some may even make you feel like this one does...for a while... But these exact feelings will never be replicated. Find a girl that you can share time with.
That whole saying, "It's better to love and lost than to never love at all"... I think that saying is BS.

 

[rzande1]

It totally is bs. it is the worst feeling in the world to loose that. I would perfer torture over it.

 

[tangman99]

You must be pretty young. I remember problems like this seeming like a big thing when I was very young. I laugh at what I thought was a big deal then after raising kids and going through a divorce and some of the stuff I've experienced in 40 years. Tell her to hit the road, have fun and you will laugh at this years from now. Trust me.

 

[threed240]

Originally Posted by TangMan99
You must be pretty young. I remember problems like this seeming like a big thing when I was very young. I laugh at what I thought was a big deal then after raising kids and going through a divorce and some of the stuff I've experienced in 40 years. Tell her to hit the road, have fun and you will laugh at this years from now. Trust me.
Amen!

 

[scubadoo]

Originally Posted by rzande1
hello all. I wanna get your opinion on this crap. Ok well I used to date this girl diana for two years. Then we broke up for a year and didnt talk to each other over a misunderstanding. Then all of a sudden about 6 months ago she appologizes for being terrible. So then we start hanging out and......you know. Anyway we get closer and closer and then it looks like we are going to get closer and date again. Mind you when I dated her I was enguaged to her towards the end when i dated her. Well anyway we went back to "close firends with benefits" Now she is saying that she wants to be my friend and date another guy or other guys possibly long term and if she doesnt like them well she will come to me. I was actually going to go along with this because I am just head over heals in love with her. Well today it hits me i am a moron for actually going to go along with it. I was literally so stressed about it that my hair was falling out.

Your hair is falling out? No woman is worth that....I have a big pumpkin head and I would NEVER let a relationship get to me to that extent. The site of my big water head bald would be frightening to the masses.
In time you realize...many women like to play games..I say..ask her a question...Does she like nature...if she says yes.... Then tell her to take a hike.
You will learn that you can not control the actions of others...but you can only control how your react.
Seize control of the situation....move on...there is something better ahead.....or insert some other worn cliche here.
You are probably a nice guy....you will learn many women will take adavatage of your good nature. I'm the same way...been there been burned, etc.
It's not a bad thing to be called a jack ass...it all depends on who's saying it.

 

[alyssia]

Get rid of her. Quick.

 

[windmill]

You think you need relationship advice? Ha!! Atleast you're getting attention and are in/were in something that could loosely be defined as a relationship.
Wanna switch? You don't even want to know how successfull and wonderous my relationship history has been. Well you might, but I doubt it. Here it is anyway. I'll paraphrase, first "real" relationship sophomore year in high school - first kiss, I was 17 (oh, it gets better) she ended it after her friend said she saw me kissing another girl (complete b.s. I never met the other friend, and my g/f didn't even ask me about it).......first relationships are supposed to be shitty aren't they? O.k. that hurt, but that's what happens. Second "real" relationship was barely considered a relationship and was altogether a real bad situation for both of us - first everything else serious and that lasted about 3 years off and on. That one just fizzled out after she lied, broke a very important promise, had --- with my "best friend" and showed absolutely no desire to right her wrongs or mature in any way. After that I had 2 one-night stands, most recent one being about a year ago (you read that right). I haven't met a new woman or been on a date since. I haven't done anything with a woman since then, not even a friggin hug.
You could call me pathetic, god knows I sure as hell do. But being a 23 year old male with a no-longer-existent libido, relationship record of a 18 year old nerd, an extreme disgust of most everything mainstream, a nearly non-existent bank account and thousands of dollars in debt......did I mention I have social anxiety.....a broken car, and a college drop-out......hell, you'd hit the nail right on the head.

 

[rzande1]

Man Windmill. I feel your pain. I know I dont have it the worse in the world. Why did you drop out of college?

 

[k-rok]

Dude, just stick with your fish. At least THEY are supposed to smell like fish.

 

[grmreapr]

Originally Posted by K-ROK
Dude, just stick with your fish. At least THEY are supposed to smell like fish.

nice burn and my advice run far far far away a girl like that will bring nothing but trouble just go ask a random chick you know what they would do if there b/f ever told them that stuff just get rid of here if you can still be friends thats cool but nothing more unless she really truely wants to be comitted to you but even there I would be paranoid she would be cheating.

 

[fishstix4u]

sleep with her best friend.. take pictures.... and mail xmas cards!

 

[gen1dustin]

Dude tell that $#%##$ off man. I wouldn't stand for that, even if you are in love with her she isn't with you. You can do better, anyone can. Start going out & seeing whats out there. Don't let this bring you down.