Sorryy Chuck, but this is a job for Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer once stared at a woman for 30 seconds and got her pregnant.
GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
If Jack Bauer was on Brokeback Mountain, there would be no gay cowboys, just dead ones.
Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
If Jack Bauer crawls out of an air-conditioning duct and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting
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hammered.
Jack Bower literally DIED for his country, and lived to tell about it.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer
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hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer
On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking
Jack Bauer won the Indianapolis 500 in a rickshaw pulled by Chuck Norris
When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down
The shirt you are wearing is really Jack trying to get information on you and your terrorist family. Quiet, don't let on that you know, or he'll blow his cover and shoot you in the leg!
The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry
There is no leprechaun at the end of the rainbow. Jack Bauer shot it seven times, interrogating it for information relevant to the location of a nuclear warhead.
Sleeping with Jack Bauer has been listed as an STD by the CDC. The risks include death and death to those closest to you.
Children don't believe in Santa anymore because they know Jack Bauer killed him. The few people that believe in Santa know that Jack Bauer is torturing him.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
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