Teenagers?

[dreamer44]

I have 3 kids, 14 girl, 17 boy, and 20 girl, and you know, although they are all tech junkies, they are all great kids, they all kept high honors in school, not just once in a while, but all the time. when my 20 yr old was 14 she put us through h*ll. Now she lives in Ky....we are in RI. she calls me almost everyday. She's a good person, never in trouble with the law, none of them ever have been. and with the schools and teachers the way they are today,,,,IM PROUD.
So they dont go out much, I'd rather have it that way, when they hang with their friends I prefer they do it here. But they go to the movies and stuff...we drop them off ( the two that are still here anyway)
They all have computers, tv's and cel phones.. in their rooms and always have. I have rules, but the three main ones are Keep your grades up, keep your room clean, and respect us as your parents. I dont give them household chores to do.....im a housewife, thats my job. although my 14 yr daughter washes and dries her own laundry...but I dont tell her she has to, she does it on her own...and she LOVES to cook,,,,watches Emerald ALL the time...
Anyway, most kids will come around when their ready. I dont harrass mine., I might not be right in all I do, but I think I have a good relationship with my kids and that very important to me. And they talk to me about things alot...I dont always succeed, but I try not to judge them on alot of things. Dont get me wrong....things are not always PEACHY...we do have our arguments too.
Good luck with all your teens.
:smile: it all passes sooooooooooooo fast! and then your wishing for the time back..... I know....Im there now

 

[autofreak44]

Originally Posted by SusiesTank
I being 22 now can say the best thing my parents did for me was just trust me and give me space. When I was in high school alot of my friends had so many rules ... and to see how they reacted when they went away to college was awful - they went crazy and many didnt do well the first year because they were so busy going out. I was allowed to go out on school nights etc and didnt have a curfew in h.s as long as I checked in with my parents. In hs I did 2 sports and worked. That kept me really busy - maybe see if she is interested in getting a part time job. Between school sports and working - there was little lazy time for me. Also I met lots of friends at my part time job and we would hang out after work and things which was always nice. I did pretty good in hs - 3.2ish gpa but now that I am on my own and in college - I have gotten a 4.0 every semester but 1 and have been working the entire time. The best thing for me was that when I went to school I didnt go crazy with the freedom because I had it before and I knew how to manage my time between work and school.
No matter what advice anyone gives - it has to be what your comfortable with and what will work.
isnt that on page 436 section B.3 of the manual?
lol i totaly agree with this, well put susiestank...

 

[autofreak44]

Originally Posted by smartorl
Oh, and be prepared for the day you find your sons ---- stash, that one really, really burns. You picture him at three with the big innocent eye, ouch.
or the fireworks stash or the thousands of illegaly downloaded songs lol

 

[autofreak44]

Originally Posted by autofreak44
or the fireworks stash or the thousands of illegaly downloaded songs lol
oh wait you have a girl... ok skip the fireworks...

 

[brandon7491]

hmm sounds to me like someone is bored. im 16 and like i play football,basketball. i work and do my fish tank but am also on the computer for a good 3hrs daily later at night. my suggestion is just to chill with her and what ever she wants to do. Or since you said u were single maybe let her go to her dads for the day or something.... ummm let me think what else. also last but not least force her out cuz in the end she will have fun and be glad to get out of the house. actually she seems like the normal teen. help her with basketball or something. encourage her to go to the movies more often with her friends.

 

[ice4ice]

I like your responses f14peter, Dreamer44 and brandon7491. Dreamer44 - You have raised your kids well despite them being tech junkies. Well done !!

 

[happyvac]

Originally Posted by f14peter
As the former keeper of two teens, I'd suggest that if yours is spending every free waking moment on a computer, or glued to the TV with videogames, or on their cellphone, then it's probably too late to modify their behavior.
The time to set standards of time allocated to recreational activities and such, and trying to enfluence them such as encouraging outdoor and social activities and responsibility (If their techno-activities interfer with household tasks, schoolwork, etc) ... that should be done in the pre-teen years.
That said, usually they're turn out just fine, even the "Lazy" ones. Also, if a teen is being responsible, doing well in school, has good social behaviors, and keeping up on any household chores, then they should be allowed to do as they wish with their free time ... within the standards of the law and their parents guidelines.
And with that said, call me old school, but when issues of the general health of the population, and young people in particular, make headline news, this sedentary and technologically-dependent lifestyle doesn't bode too well for the future. Yep, I was oh-so typical, growing up in the 1960s and early 70s ... every moment I wasn't sleeping, at school, or doing chores was spent outside, weather permitting. During summer, I'd leave in the morning and come back in after it got dark ... bike riding, playing sports or running around.
When I see so many young people (It's not just teens, being a computer or video-game junkie knows few age boundaries) letting days, weeks, months, just slip away essentially doing nothing, I do become a bit disheartened. I'm not suggesting every young person become super-athlete or a fitness-fiend, but just get off their duff once in a while and experience the outdoors, the fresh air, the sunshine.
Sometimes it's hard for teens to go outside. I for one live in a neighborhood with no other children. It's home to only retirees and childless couples. What's the point in going outside? Riding my bike? It's got punctured tires and I can't get new ones. Jogging? I've got a treadmill in the house (I like knowing my mileage) Friends? None live closer than a 20-minute drive. And my parents work, so getting dropped off at places is hard. My parents don't trust me to walk anywhere by myself.
I try to do things besides watching TV and playing video games, but honestly, it's hard.

 

[poniegirl]

Ice4Ice I like your responses f14peter, Dreamer44 and brandon7491. Dreamer44 - You have raised your kids well despite them being tech junkies. Well done !!
I agree!
I am appreciating what I'm hearing...and thank you to all the teens for answering, too! It is nice to hear from folks who understand her.
My current teen is just so different than the first one (they are 10 years apart in age) and the world is a bit different than it was 10 years ago! This new teen is more into boys and clothes

than the first one. Her friends are definitely highest on her list. Some are good kids, some

.
Then again, one of her friends convinced her that it was OK to leave me a note that she had gone with her friend's to a neighboring town without talking to me first. That friend is now on watch.
She has played soccer for 6 years, but is now wanting to give that up. I have told her that's OK, I can see being burnt out, two seasons a year. But I have told her she will have to replace it with SOMETHING. Whether that is basketball, 4-H, whatever.
The cell phone is more for my convenience and her safety. Now that she has had it for a year, I can't imagine her not having one.
I guess I'm most concerned with the bored, blase' attitude. Is that maybe just the "accepted" way to show that she now believes she is wise? That nothing can surprise her? Is it a defense?

 

[reefreak29]

ill trade my 3 year old for your teenager

 

[kgray]

Happy vac, I don't think parents don't trust their kids, it's that parents are SCARED for their kids! It's the truth....
I remember when I was small, as one poster said, I was out after breakfast and we came in at sunset. Never worried about getting abducted and raped and mutilated and stuffed in some foot-locker and left in the woods. Times are different now for kids - they have to live so fearfully and it is so sad.
So, teenagers, know that your parents are only concerned about you and don't want to lose you. This world just isn't the same place it was 20 years ago.

 

[kgray]

PonieGirl...
The bored, blase attitude is really just a part of growing up and trying to discover themselves. It won't be that way forever....
My son is 17 and he went through that horrible yuckiness from 14 on. He's now coming out of it, but is still kind of unmotivated and lazy. He'll figure it out... I think that's what's important - letting them figure it out. It's part of growing up.

 

[jennythebugg]

Originally Posted by kgray
Happy vac, I don't think parents don't trust their kids, it's that parents are SCARED for their kids! It's the truth....
I remember when I was small, as one poster said, I was out after breakfast and we came in at sunset. Never worried about getting abducted and raped and mutilated and stuffed in some foot-locker and left in the woods. Times are different now for kids - they have to live so fearfully and it is so sad.
So, teenagers, know that your parents are only concerned about you and don't want to lose you. This world just isn't the same place it was 20 years ago.
thats where i'm at. we live in the hood so i wont allow my kids out front .we have a large backyard , i grew up in this house my folks didnt let us out much either i think i turned out alright

 

[oceansidefish]

I am 26 now so it might be a little outdated but when I was growing up we only had ONE TV with NO cable, not because we were broke but because my parents wanted me to be creative. Computers were just coming into the game and we got one, but I could not use it until it was dark and my homework was done... My moms sister has a 16 and a 11 year old. She recently pulled their TV all together and limits their computer use to homework until the weekend.You can get your kid a phone that will only allow them to call certain numbers. No 12 year old should be calling their friends on a cell phone. If you take it away they will bitch and moan but they will find a way to eventually replace it with some more constructive activities.

 

[stdreb27]

hey don't knock your kid that doesn't want to go outside and play, you know steve jobs, or bill gates didn't go outside either and they turned out ok.

What I would do it tell her guys really like the girl who can work on a car, go fishin and watch and play sports. This girl girl stuff guy don't like so much. It is how my mom got me to clean. just vise versa

 

[masta man]

I am a teenager and my parents to avoid this problem don't let me have any electronics in my room, no laptop, no cell phone, no TV... and all I have is books... it's not that bad with the new harry P. book out but usually I fiddle with the aquarium. I guess my mom would say don't let them do them all the time give her time limits like 1hour a day. If they do something bad take away the privileges toward electronics. Anyway the way to get them off some thing is make them pay for it. $$$ phone bill etc... I hate that

 

[clown boy]

You're the parent. Sit down and give her the big picture, so she knows that she will not regret obeying you. As a teen, she should still obey you as before, but be able to understand that it is for her good. If she is in complete rebellion, don't be afraid of disciplining.
Most importantly:
Most parents love their children, but fail to make sure that the children love their parents. This is just as important, if not more. Spend time with your teen. I don't mean watching a movie, I mean talking. You should be able to share your most private thoughts with each other
I am a teen myself, and so far, I am doing great. My parents do what I suggest, and I love them! I plan to practice what I preach when I have children.

 

[happyvac]

Originally Posted by kgray
Happy vac, I don't think parents don't trust their kids, it's that parents are SCARED for their kids! It's the truth....
I remember when I was small, as one poster said, I was out after breakfast and we came in at sunset. Never worried about getting abducted and raped and mutilated and stuffed in some foot-locker and left in the woods. Times are different now for kids - they have to live so fearfully and it is so sad.
So, teenagers, know that your parents are only concerned about you and don't want to lose you. This world just isn't the same place it was 20 years ago.
I realize this, and I appreciate it. But it's kind of annoying when they do these things that ask me why I'm just sitting around the house all day.