I don't know if you remember about my best friend dying of cancer, but to continue, after she died and I was full of the why her? why now, why not somebody who deserved it, questions... I had a thought, and I'll share it with you, maybe it'll help you like it did me.
My best friend, Lori, had 2 girls...one 4 the other 1 when she died. I imagined a worse case scenario, Lori is driving down the road and gets hit by a car killing her 2 daughters but not her. I know she would have given anything to turn the tables, so maybe this was God's way of doing that. Maybe her death avoided a scenario such as that. I know it seems far fetched but when something truly terrible happens, you always look at what led up to the circumstance. If only I woulda left 2 minutes later, of only I didn't run the yellow light, if only...
So, there must be countless times we avoided tragedy that we don't even know about. This may be one of those times. If tobins death avoided something much larger, that he lived through, but lived sadly, then he would trade places.
That's how I got through it... That's how I still get through it, and she died 13 years ago.
Your pain will ease, and these feelings will get pushed further to the back of your prioeities, but it will never go away. Every song you hear about someone dying will bring tears to you, even years from now...
I pray for your strength, I pray for your family and that you all bond instead of fight. I will not pray for mental ease, cause that's not going to happen, nor should it right now.
Don't try to act strong, don't say things you don't believe, cry with your family don't push them away, and put something in his urn. one half of something that you have the other half to. Lori has a little tiny ceramic dog in her casket, and the matching dog sits on my mantle. It's something we both still share...
Please keep posting here, and telling us how your doing...
