Apparently you have been around too much BS in your life. My son started working picking up range balls when he was 14, and is a very responsible kid. He worked his way up, and is the Assistant Pro at the Redhills Golf Club. Go ahead and call, it is listed in the St. George Utah phone book. The only reason he doesn't have his PGA card is because he is also going to Southern Utah University and plays for their team, so he can't give up his Amatuer status.
As far as all your great golf experience, I don't doubt a thing you say. I would love nothing more than to go play 36 holes with you for 25 bucks a hole. Anytime you like.
I bet you have a ton of friends too. You seem to just have that way about you that endears you to people....
Dave