What would you do with an out of control child?

lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
well if anything she will get a laugh!!!
I am going to address the teacher thing. My mother and step mother are Masters educated teachers. This situation should be by NO means be placed soley on the teacher/school system. They are already taxed by special needs, divorced parents, restraining order/non custodial parents, generic problem children, parents that just don't care, parents that expect the education system to raise AND educate their children, blah, blah. Did you know that some of your childrens classes are being held up/disrupted by some children that are being fed by the state? Anyway, this is not the problem. The problem is at home!!! With the "parent" period!! We ALL hope that our schools will provide 100% undivided attention to the "education" of our children. But unfortunately that will not happen as long as we have absent parents who expect the "system" to raise their children.
Anyway, Jenny, I applaud you for stepping up. But what I said earlier should be something to consider. See if these children have been evaluated OR can be evaluated. AND find out how long they will be without their mother. If its only for a few weeks/months, I just don't know what to tell you to invest in this. If it is for this short amount of time, I don't think I would disrupt my childrens life and my own life only to have them return to "anything goes" and then you get them back a few months later.
 
jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
sorry it took so long my daughter had a choir concert. ok we live in west texas .midland .the children are in the custody of their great grandparents (tobins mom and dad) who really arent doing anything to help the situation with the kids they said '' cps said we would have them for a couple of months and its been five weeks and if they dont get nicoles kids soon theyre gonna go to foster care because were too old for this'' they stay here at my house while ggrandma is at work and at the doc. nicole their mom made 1 phone call- one to one doctor to get fallon an appointment somewhere and then took off to sweetwater the morning of the appouintment to pick up a dog- oh yeah nicole is living here because she wanted to be close to her kids while she didnt have custody of them . when she got her food stamps instead of buying food for her kids over at g-grandmas house she bought a ton of hamburger meat and stuff to make some kind of homemade dog food for her dog, she doesnt have a drug problem just an i dont care about my kids enough to put them first , but she doesnt want anyone else to have them that would take care of them.i met her the first time right after we found out that tobin had cancer and her son was about 14 maybe 16 mos. old at the time and he was strapped into an infant carrier, he was hanging out all sides of it and the seatbelt would only fit over his legs the only time he came out of that seat was when the father changed his diaper then put him right back into it- i see the way nicole keeps her room and if i was cps i would have taken those kids on neglect alone .she isnt supposed to be alone with her kids so someone always has to be in the room with her and she is treating this like a vacation from her kids talking on the phone watchimng tv sleeping chatting online - but never paying any attention to the kids unless they get in trouble for something. tobin told me that fallon(the 6 yr old) has been like that since she was a toddler do you think that this behavior is a result of the abuse/neglect , can it be curbed without medicATION because that was the first word out of everyones mouth- rital.in and shouldnt that be a last resort? g-grandma has moms temporary custody right now until nicole takes parenting classes and anger management . their good behaviour is getting rewarded- going to the potty, being helpful, being good at school usually with a couple of smarties (candies) and positive feedback from us . i cant take them on full time my kids have threatened to go live with their dad if i did because they are tired of having to deal with it too. who should i try to convince g-grandma to contact? a psychiatrist , psychologist, therapist? i dont know the difference thank you so much for your help
 
lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
NO psychiatrists !! With all due respect to most of them....just say NO. They only want drug addicted patients. (NOT ALL OF psychiatrist...so don't flame me, I have personal family BAD experience with several)
Jenny, you hit the nail on the head with this chick........she is only interested in her food stamps/benefits/$$$ instead of being a REAL parent.
Like I said, do what you can, BUT establish now what you think might be going on. My personal feeling would be those kids are gong back to her when she plays the "game" and cries loud enough for her kids. (because she will figure out her benefits will be cut off!) Then in about 6 months you will be stuck AGAIN.
 
jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
im pretty sure of that one because she is soooo polite when she talks with cps and all hands on and lovey dovey when there are 'people' watching im kinda thinkin if these kids dont get some kind of intervention now while there young their gonna be pregnant and on drugs by the time they are 16 good or bad theyre just looking for the attention- i talked with g-grandma this morning and she said if i give her numbers she will make the calls to see about getting her some help- at least she is willing to try- tobins dad is not willing at all he says' it dont matter what happens to people they just need to get over it' he's reaaally callous(sp) and doesnt believe that a persons emotional state can interfere with their daily lives
 
nybutterfly03

nybutterfly03

Member
Originally Posted by Coral Keeper
http:///forum/post/2545263
I'd do the same, but instead of the face, hit the but....
OMG how could u even joke about tsomething as sad as a traumatized child that is awful
I agree with T, I would seek help.......my oldest daughter got to see her father throw me around one to many times and if affected her badly for a lot of years and she will only be 10 in May
 
m0nk

m0nk

Active Member
I'm not sure why there have been even a few people who suggest hitting.... hitting a child (even if it's just spanking on the butt) only raises a hitter. It teaches them that hitting is ok, and that if they want to control the situation that hitting will give them that control. I hope none of those people are/become parents.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Originally Posted by m0nk
http:///forum/post/2546412
I'm not sure why there have been even a few people who suggest hitting.... hitting a child (even if it's just spanking on the butt) only raises a hitter. It teaches them that hitting is ok, and that if they want to control the situation that hitting will give them that control. I hope none of those people are/become parents.
Thats rediculous

Spankings done properly reinforce the fact that hitting isn't a good thing. If you can raise a well behaved and well adjusted child without having to ever spank it more power to you. Every situation is different. It should be a last resort instead of a routine. By the time a kid is 6 or 7 years old you really should be to the point where you don't have to resort to spanking.
 
m0nk

m0nk

Active Member
Originally Posted by reefraff
http:///forum/post/2546517
Thats rediculous

Spankings done properly reinforce the fact that hitting isn't a good thing. If you can raise a well behaved and well adjusted child without having to ever spank it more power to you. Every situation is different. It should be a last resort instead of a routine. By the time a kid is 6 or 7 years old you really should be to the point where you don't have to resort to spanking.
http://www.parenting.com/article/Tod...----Yay-or-Nay
I definitely read a lot about this scenario because prior to my divorce, my ex-wife spanked our then-18 month-old son, and had even gone as far to smack him across the face twice. That was one of the deciding factors to taking our son and leaving, and definitely the deciding factor to make sure she never had/has custody in any way/shape/form. All the research shows that the old adage is true: violence begets violence.
 
rykna

rykna

Active Member
Originally Posted by reefraff
http:///forum/post/2546517
Thats rediculous

Spankings done properly reinforce the fact that hitting isn't a good thing. If you can raise a well behaved and well adjusted child without having to ever spank it more power to you. Every situation is different. It should be a last resort instead of a routine. By the time a kid is 6 or 7 years old you really should be to the point where you don't have to resort to spanking.
Very true. Brian and I believe in spanking. But there is a huge difference between hitting and spanking, and if you can't seperate the two...you need some parenting classes IMHO. The last time we had to spank Aria was when she was 2. Now all we need to do is ask her if she wants us to count to 3; problem solved.
 
rylan1

rylan1

Active Member
I read a little ... the problem is the parenting... The boy is behind because the parent(s) have not instilled the proper upbringing... She/he is not verbalizing with the kid to begin proper speech and word association.. There has been no enforcement of potty training... A second sibling should be easier to train.. The kid doesn't want to go because no one has been strict with him and he thinks and is doing whatever he wants to do... No consistant authority has been set... the same can be said about the girl... much of it is she has no respect or knowledge of authority...which is why she acts up.. some of it may also be do to anger or frustration...
Spanking is a tool... not abuse... You shouldn't have to spank for every incident, but it is one of many tools that is a effective deterent. But let that kid sit in his poop for awhile... he is old enough to know that is not comfortable.
 
rykna

rykna

Active Member
Originally Posted by Rylan1
http:///forum/post/2546559
I read a little ... the problem is the parenting... The boy is behind because the parent(s) have not instilled the proper upbringing... She/he is not verbalizing with the kid to begin proper speech and word association.. There has been no enforcement of potty training... A second sibling should be easier to train.. The kid doesn't want to go because no one has been strict with him and he thinks and is doing whatever he wants to do... No consistant authority has been set... the same can be said about the girl... much of it is she has no respect or knowledge of authority...which is why she acts up.. some of it may also be do to anger or frustration...
Spanking is a tool... not abuse... You shouldn't have to spank for every incident, but it is one of many tools that is a effective deterent. But let that kid sit in his poop for awhile... he is old enough to know that is not comfortable.
Dito
Scheduling and consistency is the foundation for successful parenting.
 
jennythebugg

jennythebugg

Active Member
well as far as spanking goes i do spank my kids - and i have good kids. i was spanked and i consider myself a good person my parents and their parents were also spanked , i guess it all has to do with how you do it and the reasons why.in my experience kids that were not shown regular discipline were much worse than the ones who were. but since this is not my child its a moot point, as i will not use corporal punishment on a child that is not mine.
 
alix2.0

alix2.0

Active Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2546387
please tell me you tied your tubes

i dont think theyll do that to someone my age...

but thanks for the... uh... concern.
and BTW i wasnt trying to offend anyone im just saying if they were my kids, and of course i wouldnt hit a kid with mental problems, but i am/was a pretty bad kid and i got my fair share of smacks across the face in my day and let me tell you it was so worth it. taught me a lesson thats fo sho.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Originally Posted by m0nk
http:///forum/post/2546546
http://www.parenting.com/article/Tod...----Yay-or-Nay
I definitely read a lot about this scenario because prior to my divorce, my ex-wife spanked our then-18 month-old son, and had even gone as far to smack him across the face twice. That was one of the deciding factors to taking our son and leaving, and definitely the deciding factor to make sure she never had/has custody in any way/shape/form. All the research shows that the old adage is true: violence begets violence.
Your trying to compare a swat on the butt with abuse or violence? Whatever
Another old adage: Spare the rod spoil the child. That one isn't always true either.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2546821
well as far as spanking goes i do spank my kids - and i have good kids. i was spanked and i consider myself a good person my parents and their parents were also spanked , i guess it all has to do with how you do it and the reasons why.in my experience kids that were not shown regular discipline were much worse than the ones who were. but since this is not my child its a moot point, as i will not use corporal punishment on a child that is not mine.
I know a great many people who are the same way. I've also seen little hellians who's parents never spanked them. You can't learn parenting from a book. Every kid is different.
 
peef

peef

Active Member
I would like to clarify that I was not attacking the teaching profession, and commend the majority for the great work that they do. However, the education system is about more than merely passing examinations and achieving grades for good academic work. This is where our children learn a large majority of their social skills such as appropriate play, peer relations and adult (beyond the family) interaction. Many teachers lack behavioral training and insight (through no fault of their own) and this can inadvertently impact upon the social development of these children. Of course it is understandable when a teacher is responsible for a whole class of well behaved children that no one child should have to receive special attention. However, in many cases there are problems that could definately be avoided if these teachers were provided with at least basic behavioral guidance. I have also worked as a master educated teacher both within regular classrooms and special ed schools prior to becoming a behavior analyst which has all contributed to my understanding and interpretation of these matters. Of course everything begins at home, but we can not begin to exclude children because of their parent's short comings.
 
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