Why do people cheat?
- Thread starter t316
- Start date
thai
Member
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136060
Seriously....Any insight as to why spouses (significant others) cheat?
I believe is the lack of attention that there partner can't give them. We are human so we do crave for thing that are in our needs.
http:///forum/post/3136060
Seriously....Any insight as to why spouses (significant others) cheat?
I believe is the lack of attention that there partner can't give them. We are human so we do crave for thing that are in our needs.
crypt keeper
Active Member
When you are younger you do things in the spur of the moment without thinking ahead. Sometimes we never really grow out of that.
As we get older we try new things. We try to find ourselves. We change. As we change sometimes we see that the person you are with isnt that person you see yourself with forever. You go to work and Nancy is very cool laid back you new style. You grab a drink with friends and boom it can happen.
As we get even older I can very easily see why adults cheat. Most grown ups in relationship or who are married argue about money and kids and money. You come home and you have issues that come up as most couples have. The struggles of parenting. The bills. Most people arent wealthy and well off. We middle class common folk are busting our butts to enjoy the things we have and want. You have a co worker that you have zero of these problems with. When you go out all it is is fun fun fun. You come home and its back to reality. Changing diapers. Money going out. This and that and this. You go back to work and those problems are gone. You can chit chat with your work spouse laugh smile have a good time. One thing can lead to another. Boom.
IMO weak people cheat. Its mind over matter. If you truley think about what you have at home waiting for you no one night stand is worth any of it. If you truely love the person you are with you could never hurt them. When I was growing up I was mister football star high school jock prom king yadda yadda. I have never had an issue with hanging with the other ---. Im now 27 and have found the one true person I look very forward to spending the rest of my life with. She trust me I trust her. It would hurt me just as bad as I would hurt her if I ever did manage to crush her like that. That keeps me from straying away. I love her with all my heart.
As we get older we try new things. We try to find ourselves. We change. As we change sometimes we see that the person you are with isnt that person you see yourself with forever. You go to work and Nancy is very cool laid back you new style. You grab a drink with friends and boom it can happen.
As we get even older I can very easily see why adults cheat. Most grown ups in relationship or who are married argue about money and kids and money. You come home and you have issues that come up as most couples have. The struggles of parenting. The bills. Most people arent wealthy and well off. We middle class common folk are busting our butts to enjoy the things we have and want. You have a co worker that you have zero of these problems with. When you go out all it is is fun fun fun. You come home and its back to reality. Changing diapers. Money going out. This and that and this. You go back to work and those problems are gone. You can chit chat with your work spouse laugh smile have a good time. One thing can lead to another. Boom.
IMO weak people cheat. Its mind over matter. If you truley think about what you have at home waiting for you no one night stand is worth any of it. If you truely love the person you are with you could never hurt them. When I was growing up I was mister football star high school jock prom king yadda yadda. I have never had an issue with hanging with the other ---. Im now 27 and have found the one true person I look very forward to spending the rest of my life with. She trust me I trust her. It would hurt me just as bad as I would hurt her if I ever did manage to crush her like that. That keeps me from straying away. I love her with all my heart.
rigdon87
Member
Originally Posted by crypt keeper
http:///forum/post/3136095
When you are younger you do things in the spur of the moment without thinking ahead. Sometimes we never really grow out of that.
As we get older we try new things. We try to find ourselves. We change. As we change sometimes we see that the person you are with isnt that person you see yourself with forever. You go to work and Nancy is very cool laid back you new style. You grab a drink with friends and boom it can happen.
As we get even older I can very easily see why adults cheat. Most grown ups in relationship or who are married argue about money and kids and money. You come home and you have issues that come up as most couples have. The struggles of parenting. The bills. Most people arent wealthy and well off. We middle class common folk are busting our butts to enjoy the things we have and want. You have a co worker that you have zero of these problems with. When you go out all it is is fun fun fun. You come home and its back to reality. Changing diapers. Money going out. This and that and this. You go back to work and those problems are gone. You can chit chat with your work spouse laugh smile have a good time. One thing can lead to another. Boom.
IMO weak people cheat. Its mind over matter. If you truley think about what you have at home waiting for you no one night stand is worth any of it. If you truely love the person you are with you could never hurt them. When I was growing up I was mister football star high school jock prom king yadda yadda. I have never had an issue with hanging with the other ---. Im now 27 and have found the one true person I look very forward to spending the rest of my life with. She trust me I trust her. It would hurt me just as bad as I would hurt her if I ever did manage to crush her like that. That keeps me from straying away. I love her with all my heart.
thats some pretty deep stuff crypt
http:///forum/post/3136095
When you are younger you do things in the spur of the moment without thinking ahead. Sometimes we never really grow out of that.
As we get older we try new things. We try to find ourselves. We change. As we change sometimes we see that the person you are with isnt that person you see yourself with forever. You go to work and Nancy is very cool laid back you new style. You grab a drink with friends and boom it can happen.
As we get even older I can very easily see why adults cheat. Most grown ups in relationship or who are married argue about money and kids and money. You come home and you have issues that come up as most couples have. The struggles of parenting. The bills. Most people arent wealthy and well off. We middle class common folk are busting our butts to enjoy the things we have and want. You have a co worker that you have zero of these problems with. When you go out all it is is fun fun fun. You come home and its back to reality. Changing diapers. Money going out. This and that and this. You go back to work and those problems are gone. You can chit chat with your work spouse laugh smile have a good time. One thing can lead to another. Boom.
IMO weak people cheat. Its mind over matter. If you truley think about what you have at home waiting for you no one night stand is worth any of it. If you truely love the person you are with you could never hurt them. When I was growing up I was mister football star high school jock prom king yadda yadda. I have never had an issue with hanging with the other ---. Im now 27 and have found the one true person I look very forward to spending the rest of my life with. She trust me I trust her. It would hurt me just as bad as I would hurt her if I ever did manage to crush her like that. That keeps me from straying away. I love her with all my heart.
thats some pretty deep stuff crypt
t316
Active Member
t316
Active Member
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3136068
I hope this isn't a personal question for you
Originally Posted by alyssia
http:///forum/post/3136074
Uh...oh
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
http:///forum/post/3136068
I hope this isn't a personal question for you
Originally Posted by alyssia
http:///forum/post/3136074
Uh...oh
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
rigdon87
Member
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
Daaaaaaannnnnnnnggg!.....
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
Daaaaaaannnnnnnnggg!.....
bluering09
Member
Thats messed up!
tangman99
Active Member
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
Digging up from my old days, if he found them together and reacted to the situation then it's quite possibly a crime of passion. If he found out about it and went looking for him, not a good thing for him I'm afraid.
Either way, sorry to hear about this.
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
Digging up from my old days, if he found them together and reacted to the situation then it's quite possibly a crime of passion. If he found out about it and went looking for him, not a good thing for him I'm afraid.
Either way, sorry to hear about this.
jennythebugg
Active Member
i have been both the cheater and the one being cheated. i had a long standing affair on my ex husband with tobin - my ex had already had numerous one night stands , i know it doesnt justify
ironeagle2006
Active Member
I have been cheated on by my EX-wife. I however take that forsakeing all others VERY Serious. Called upbringing I think.
flower
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by thai
http:///forum/post/3136076
I believe is the lack of attention that there partner can't give them. We are human so we do crave for thing that are in our needs.
I have and will never cheat...I have never been cheated on to my knowledge...
I am going to disagree with this...it makes it sound like it is the faithful partners fault....Cheating is a flaw in character. It won’t matter if their partner is faithful, caring, committed and always there...they cheat. It is what they do for fun. They like hurting others and don't care. My uncle was a professional cheater...he would bring women home to rub his wife nose in it. He chose the right wife, she put up with it.
He broke up so many marriages...after his flings would leave their husbands..he would start cheating on them and his wife. He always kept his wife. I think there is a special place in H-E-L-L for his kind. I hate cheaters.
If your beloved is cheating...LEAVE...the cheater will not change...it is NOT your fault, no matter how much they try and convince you it is. It is a form of abuse.
flower
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/3136139
i have been both the cheater and the one being cheated. i had a long standing affair on my ex husband with tobin - my ex had already had numerous one night stands , i know it doesnt justify
I don't get it...why didn't you just leave the one and go be with the other...why cheat and play the balancing act??? Even if you cheat to get even with a cheater all you do is sully your own character....
http:///forum/post/3136139
i have been both the cheater and the one being cheated. i had a long standing affair on my ex husband with tobin - my ex had already had numerous one night stands , i know it doesnt justify
I don't get it...why didn't you just leave the one and go be with the other...why cheat and play the balancing act??? Even if you cheat to get even with a cheater all you do is sully your own character....
meowzer
Moderator
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
So sorry to hear that....It sounds truly messed up...as a true friend I think you will be there for him, But on another note...I'm glad it's not you
http:///forum/post/3136120
Yes and No....Not me, but a very close friend, actually a cousin, and my employee. Can't go into much detail at the moment, but he's currently in jail under charges of attempted murder after finding his wife with their daughter's soccer coach this weekend....(there is no smiley to exhibit my emotions right now).
So sorry to hear that....It sounds truly messed up...as a true friend I think you will be there for him, But on another note...I'm glad it's not you
stdreb27
Active Member
Originally Posted by Flower
http:///forum/post/3136227
I am going to disagree with this...it makes it sound like it is the faithful partners fault....Cheating is a flaw in character. It won’t matter if their partner is faithful, caring, committed and always there...they cheat. It is what they do for fun. They like hurting others and don't care. My uncle was a professional cheater...he would bring women home to rub his wife nose in it. He chose the right wife, she put up with it.
I'm not an apologetic for infidelity. And I do agree your more is probably more representative of the cheater as a whole. But in my experience, the 2 families I knew that got torn apart by cheating, I think it was an issue of Mr. X getting bored, the woman being a completely clueless, and not doing what she needs to be doing as a wife. And the guy saying well, it is wrong, but this person at work who is the opposite of my wife is looking at me. (And this isn't the first time it had happened to this wife)
It reminds me of this country song, where the girl gets dumped. And then after she gets dumped she goes out and buys the little black dress.
My point is if she had the little black dress before she got dumped maybe she wouldn't have been dumped.
cranberry
Active Member
Cheating isn't always so clear cut and dry. It's a much more complicated thing than that. To say it's because "He's bad"... "She wasn't raised right"... "yadda yadda" means you really don't get the reasons "why" and are simply looking at the "act".
Of course, there are peeps who do it without rhyme or reason because they truly aren't committed and are jerks.
Am I saying this defending someone? Nope. I never cheated on my husband, he's never cheated on me that I know of or suspect, my parents are still together as are my husband's.
This stuff has been studied... it's not just a matter of bad people with raging hormones.
Of course, there are peeps who do it without rhyme or reason because they truly aren't committed and are jerks.
Am I saying this defending someone? Nope. I never cheated on my husband, he's never cheated on me that I know of or suspect, my parents are still together as are my husband's.
This stuff has been studied... it's not just a matter of bad people with raging hormones.
meowzer
Moderator
Originally Posted by stdreb27
http:///forum/post/3136266
I'm not an apologetic for infidelity. And I do agree your more is probably more representative of the cheater as a whole. But in my experience, the 2 families I knew that got torn apart by cheating, I think it was an issue of Mr. X getting bored, the woman being a completely clueless, and not doing what she needs to be doing as a wife. And the guy saying well, it is wrong, but this person at work who is the opposite of my wife is looking at me. (And this isn't the first time it had happened to this wife)
It reminds me of this country song, where the girl gets dumped. And then after she gets dumped she goes out and buys the little black dress.
My point is if she had the little black dress before she got dumped maybe she wouldn't have been dumped.
...so if you are married...and maybe gain some weight...feel less attractive, not very s exy, or black dressish...you deserve to be cheated on???
http:///forum/post/3136266
I'm not an apologetic for infidelity. And I do agree your more is probably more representative of the cheater as a whole. But in my experience, the 2 families I knew that got torn apart by cheating, I think it was an issue of Mr. X getting bored, the woman being a completely clueless, and not doing what she needs to be doing as a wife. And the guy saying well, it is wrong, but this person at work who is the opposite of my wife is looking at me. (And this isn't the first time it had happened to this wife)
It reminds me of this country song, where the girl gets dumped. And then after she gets dumped she goes out and buys the little black dress.
My point is if she had the little black dress before she got dumped maybe she wouldn't have been dumped.
spanko
Active Member
Probably too many reasons to really come to an answer here.
IMO none of them good. If you feel (guy or gal) that the relationship is deteriorating to the point that you are looking for something new, address the problem in the current relationship. If there is no viable solution then the breaking of the relationship can happen. Give the other person (read marriage partner here) the respect you had for them in the beginning. Up front with the problem, work it out or not but come to a conclusion the same way that you came to the beginning - together.
Cheating is wrong and hurtful IMO.
IMO none of them good. If you feel (guy or gal) that the relationship is deteriorating to the point that you are looking for something new, address the problem in the current relationship. If there is no viable solution then the breaking of the relationship can happen. Give the other person (read marriage partner here) the respect you had for them in the beginning. Up front with the problem, work it out or not but come to a conclusion the same way that you came to the beginning - together.
Cheating is wrong and hurtful IMO.