your reaction to letter?

[renogaw]

I've mentioned in past that a friend of mine is transgender m->f, and as you can imagine, work is going to be an issue. She has written three drafts of an email she will be sending out--can people look over it and suggest anything be added/removed and what your reaction would be if this was from one of your co-workers?
(EDIT: Removed email after some answers given, simply due to privacy issues even though i had edited out everything.)

 

[silverdak]

if i was a co-worker... don't think this would change how i feel about a person... people seem to write these letters because they aren't attracted to people they work with and don't care what people think. I wouldn't have an issue with Her(him) as long as i didn't feel threatened or like she was attracted to me or going after me.
I would also defiantly ask her a bunch of questions and stuff too. lots of unknown things.
I think going on record like this is a great idea and should make people feel more comfortable

 

[renogaw]

my initial response to her original email was utter and complete disgust. but, after MANY informational emails and completely honest answers (and almost TMI most of the time), i'm quite a bit more comfey.
i'm sure there will be very many mixed emotions.

 

[armywife1314]

i agree its a well thought out and well put together letter. seems like she is willing to allow people their space ie. the bathrooms until they can get used to it and that is very nice, probably not needed but a very nice gesture. in womens restrooms you dont see the same things as in the mens. kudos to her for being true to herself.

 

[lion_crazz]

Yep, definitely sounds very well-thought and put together. I can't really think of anything that should be there that is not.

 

[tizzo]

Well MY first response is, it's nobodies business if the individual can do the job(s) required/asked.
But then I got to thinking. Your friend has just outed the large pink elephant and that was a very intelligent decision.
For their own respect, they are handling it head on. I like that. That trait right there would make me like this person.
After a letter like that, the people who continue to gossip or make inappropriate remarks, makes them all the less likable to me.
Hiding it from you for 2 years is between you two. But as far as being a colleague, they seem OK.

And the bathroom thing, if I was there, I'd grab her arm and arm and make her go in the female restroom. And make the other women accept it.
But the offer is very courteous. I hope (she) gets a lot of support from all these people.

 

[camfish]

You just have to remember that they are the same person, they just changed on the outside. Also remember that it wasn't her decision and that it was out of her hands. I would try to react the same way as if she got a new haircut.

 

[michaeltx]

honestly that takes a lot of guts and it seems that she is very comfortable in her position and is asking others to accept it even is they arent sure about it.
The email out is a very good idea IMO because it will let people know whats going on rather than showing up at work one day dressed as a woman and requesting to be called by a different name. It will be a very trying time for her though as alot of people are not that understanding or accepting of situations like this.
Alot of people in her situation usually move to a new area when this part of the transition takes place because its easier to tell a stranger that you are woman and them to take it at that rather than people that already know that you were a male and know you as that to accept the change.
Mike

 

[crimzy]

You people are all very open minded and accepting (at least that's the impression you're presenting on here).
I agree that the letter is well written and very direct. However, letter or not, I would have some questions about the emotional and psychological stability of this person. A large majority of these people are clinically depressed, bipolar or suffer from other psychological disorders. A staggering number of their lives end tragically in suicide.
I may be the lone a$$hole on this board but I would judge this person negatively. We all judge each other in life, and I would presume that this person is not completely healthy or adjusted to the world. Plus, there are always the questions about the propriety of women having to use the bathroom in front of someone who is currently a MAN (despite what he claims to be internally).
Sorry to be the bad guy... I'm just not so "Kumba Ya" about this.

 

[cowfishrule]

well, the email will get the gossip part out of the way.
personally, as a man, GID doesnt bother me. maybe if i was a woman, it would be a different story.
either way, if you are chill with them, plumbing shouldnt be an issue.
ps- she could always bring in bacon for everybody. its a great peacemaking tool.

 

[renogaw]

crimzy, you actually hit the nail on the head.
for 3 years he was going to counselling for anger management. he was suicidal. he was self destructive and was thinking about things you don't want to think about.
finally, they figured out what the problem was, that he was a she. for the past two years, after finally figuring out what is wrong, her mental state of mind is so peacefully at ease its almost a completely different person.
but no, you're not going to be the only person who thinks this is weird. I originally wanted nothing to do with her when my wife told me. it took me reading her email 6 times to start understanding what the heck she had been through. after that, it was more curiosity into WHY the heck a guy would want to be a girl.
the thing that finally convinced me was that she told me her ideal night: snuggled up, some guy's arms around her while she lays her head on his chest.
if that's not a female's mind i don't know what is.
as for this letter, the only thing i told her should be done is an apology to those friends who she works with that this is how they find out, instead of a personal email/phonecall etc.

 

[renogaw]

Originally Posted by Tizzo
http:///forum/post/2655010
And the bathroom thing, if I was there, I'd grab her arm and arm and make her go in the female restroom. And make the other women accept it.
But the offer is very courteous. I hope (she) gets a lot of support from all these people.

the bathroom thing:
the problem is women will see her as a guy and think she's trying to get a peep on them. they don't care about the lesbo who goes in the bathroom with them though...

 

[crimzy]

Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/2655050
crimzy, you actually hit the nail on the head.
for 3 years he was going to counselling for anger management. he was suicidal. he was self destructive and was thinking about things you don't want to think about.
finally, they figured out what the problem was, that he was a she. for the past two years, after finally figuring out what is wrong, her mental state of mind is so peacefully at ease its almost a completely different person.
but no, you're not going to be the only person who thinks this is weird. I originally wanted nothing to do with her when my wife told me. it took me reading her email 6 times to start understanding what the heck she had been through. after that, it was more curiosity into WHY the heck a guy would want to be a girl.
the thing that finally convinced me was that she told me her ideal night: snuggled up, some guy's arms around her while she lays her head on his chest.
if that's not a female's mind i don't know what is.
as for this letter, the only thing i told her should be done is an apology to those friends who she works with that this is how they find out, instead of a personal email/phonecall etc.

Just out of curiosity, what if he thinks that this is the answer to all of his emotional turmoil/stress... yet (like many others), does not find what he/she is looking for after going through this procedure for years? And then he/she realizes that he/she has mutilated him/herself and is no happier? I may be wrong as I don't know any of these people personally, but I think that the inclination to make this type of change is only a symptom of the underlying problem in most, if not all cases. JMO.

 

[renogaw]

that's what the 3 year process is for--you start out with MANY therapy sessions, then you get multiple dr's opinions just to start the estrogen (or testosterone) therapy. you cannot even get bre@st implants until three years after being fully diagnosed.
the plumbing change is years later as well. and insanely expensive (years salary or more), but (shiver incoming) is so convinsing you wouldn't know it wasn't there originally (at least for MtF)

 

[michaeltx]

no crimzy I have been around a couple of these people with GID and they have to go through alot before they even get to this stage in there life. from therapy to meds it takes alot for them to get to a point where the psycologist decides ok their are ready for the next step and thats liveing as a woman for i beleive its 2 years. before they can move to the next step that takes another 1-2 years of female hormones to start the body changing. the reason it takes so long for it to complete before the surgery will even be thought about. then most take years before they can afford the surgery which of course is not covered by insurance.
as fas as the bathroom thing youll find that most women are more accepting of this type of thing that most men are.
Mike

 

[renogaw]

speaking of insurance--
i guess the AMA is fighting hard to get insurance companies to accept GID as a medical issue. there is a story of some TG FtM who came down with ovarian cancer. Since he is listed as a male on the insurance forms, ovarian cancer isnot a covered expense...

 

[michaeltx]

I guess they are saying its a frud issue if they are listed in their records as a male than any female only issue would be out of the question.
Mike

 

[armywife1314]

i think the reason im probably soooo understanding is because i have a cousin and she had an older brother and sister. she is only a few years older than me. she has always looked like a guy and acted like a guy, to anyone walking by she IS a guy, its just under the her clothes she's not. she's only dated girls and she is content. she never had to fight the family because we are very open about EVERYTHING in my family. i know if she had the money she would have a --- change in a heartbeat and i would be happy for her.
they dont just let you say ok im ready to go MtF or FtM its a long process, they want to make sure its not an internal confusion looking for a quick fix and that changing would be in the long run for the best. its not like getting a nose job, if you have the money ok, there's a lot more to it.
womens restrooms arent like guys all stalls are individual kinda hard to peep in on everyone. if someone i worked with that i didnt know well went through this and needed to use the restroom then by all means go, that sort of change isnt something you do just to get your kicks by being able to go into the womens restroom IMO.

 

[tizzo]

Haha, I'm not sooo understanding. I just don't care.

Suicide, anger, emotional issues. I simply don't care.
As for dragging her into the pot, if females have issues with another (now) female using their potty, that's their problem. She will not do it on their own outa respect but if she waits a week or 6 months, the first time will be uncomfortable.
Besides, nobody goes into the actual stall! Who cares who hears you tinkle?
But as Ren knows, as a "friend" it's another story.
But as far as "somebody at the office is suicidal", I just don't care... Sorry, I know I'm the oddball.

 

[cowfishrule]

Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/2655050
the thing that finally convinced me was that she told me her ideal night: snuggled up, some guy's arms around her while she lays her head on his chest.
if that's not a female's mind i don't know what is.
i know lots of men that do that with other men. its called being gay.
nothing wrong with it. to me, GID is really being gay without having to label yourself as such.
sorry. i had 2 gay uncles (1 is still alive). im not buying this GID thing.