A dilemma

snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
So, I just found out today that my wife wants her mother in the delivery room with us while she is giving birth. I am absolutely opposed to this - and she didn't even ask me before she asked her if she would!!!! Even worse - she already agreed to it! I am so pissed. I feel like the birth of our baby is a private affair and my mother in law should not be in the room at all when the time comes. Heck, if she comes, then why not invite everyone to watch? I feel like my wife is saying I'm not an adequate shoulder to cry on and share the experience with - that she has to have her mother there for emotional support. I think that is bull****.
Do ya'll think I should go behind my wife's back and talk to her mother and tell her that I do not want her there? Should I try to talk my wife out of it? What should I do to cope with this situation?
 
al&burke

al&burke

Active Member
Well snake I thought the same when my wife told me that her Mother and sister was going to be in the delivery room when our son was being born. At first I thought is was wrong, no way, get lost, but I have to tell you that they did more than I could ever do, the both had kids and new exactly what to do. After he was born they gave us our time. THey have to go through enough and they need all the help they can get, especially from a mom and sister. Just my 2 cents.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
Well, Thank you for your opinion. But, that's not what I want. I didn't want it to begin with and my wife knew!
I just don't think that anyone but us should be there. It's a private thing, and a moment that JUST my wife and I should share.
To me, it's in the same category as making love in the same room as your mother. I just don't feel comfortable with it. It's an intimate thing that should be shared between the two of us ONLY.
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
If you haven't already make sure your wife knows how pzzzzd you are that she didn't talk to you first. Had my wife done that to me I would have told her fine, when the kid is born call me at the bar. Of course I would have been there but it would have got the point across that when you get married Mama is no longer the most important person in your life.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
Hah! That is my point entirely! Well done.
Do you think that I should talk with my wife about it a little more and then if she doesn't cave in - that I should go behind her back and have a little chat with her mom?
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
WOW....My mother was by my side when I had my 1st....and I was with my daughter when she had her 1st (of course she had no husband) BUT even if she did I am sure I would have been there too
2 people are allowed in there....ever wonder why....YES SNAKE....this is a personal thing between you guys BUT...it is also a BIG thing for mother and daughter.....If they have that close of a relationship I would have to tell you to honor it.....There is no greater bond then the one between a mother and a daughter...a husband can never take that away....and should never try
I lost my mother at 31......A big part of me has been lost w/o her and my husband could never fill that.....NO MAN COULD.....and no man should try
I DO THINK though....that you should discuss it with your wife...JUST BECAUSE NO ONE should carry a strong feeling inside of them...it only brews....BUT CALM DOWN first....LOL....
so you asked for opinions......not the one you want to hear, BUT I gave you my honest opinion
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
When you put it that way, it makes a little sense. I just don't want her mother to take away from the experience and I don't want my wife to rely on her for everything. I WILL be the second person in the family to hold the child, not her mother. I guess I need to come up with a few points to discuss with my wife and make it very clear to her mom about the conditions of her staying in the room.
I'm still pissed that my wife didn't ask me before she asked her mother.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
I still don't think it's right though. I still feel that it's a private matter and that her mom can see the baby when everyone else does. I feel like if her mom is in the room then I will basically get cut out of it like they do everything else. I do not want that to happen - and I do not want my wife to "share the experience" with her mom more then me. Jealousy issues, I know... but that's a good thing - at least I'm not a push-over.
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnakeBlitz33 http:///t/387429/a-dilemma#post_3408954
Besides - can anyone just agree with me for once?!?!
LOL...Not if you want to hear how I really feel.....ANYWAY Reef agreed with you didn't he

AND You do not have to fight about it.....REMEMBER....many times in your life with your wife...you will have different opinions.....sometimes you will have to give...and sometimes she will......I wouldn;t ask her to on this one though JMO.....BUT YES, you should hold the baby first
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
If she want's her mom there you should go ahead and let her. You just need to make the point that it was TOTALLY inappropriate how she handled this.
 
slice

slice

Active Member
Snake, I love you like a brother, and you did ask this on a public forum...
This sounds like more of a symptom of a larger problem than a problem of itself...
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
If she REALLY wants her there fine. He just needs to set some ground rules cause no man worth his salt is going to allow his wife and mother in law to dictate how his household is ran and I suspect based on his comment about being cut out of it mom and wife are doing just that. Father in law's job is to know when to reign in the MIL. He's slippin :)
 
mantisman51

mantisman51

Active Member
FWIW Snake, I think you are 100% right-no if, ands or buts. That said, there will be consequences. Lifetime consequences-she won't forget. 23+ years and 3 kids before the question is thrown at me.
 
snakeblitz33

snakeblitz33

Well-Known Member
No, there's nothing else going on in our marriage. We are happy and we make things work. In short, we are soul mates. However, as reefraff has said, I need to set some ground rules.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slice http:///t/387429/a-dilemma#post_3408977
Snake, I love you like a brother, and you did ask this on a public forum...
This sounds like more of a symptom of a larger problem than a problem of itself...
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnakeBlitz33 http:///t/387429/a-dilemma#post_3408987
And "being cut out of it" is just a feeling that I have - not because it has ever happened before.
As Meowzer pointed out there is going to be that mommy daughter thing going on and you got to roll with it to a point. You've just got to decide where that point is. I've been lucky. First wife didn't like her mom so that was easy. She crossed the line, I slapped her down, she looked to the daughter for support and got slapped again. Problem solved. Second wife's mom was perfect, no need for corrections there.
 
slice

slice

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnakeBlitz33 http:///t/387429/a-dilemma#post_3408986
No, there's nothing else going on in our marriage. We are happy and we make things work. In short, we are soul mates. However, as reefraff has said, I need to set some ground rules.
I wish the best for you and yours on this glorious occasion! Remember that this is not about you, but is about the life you are about to bring into this world.
You will have many opportunities to assert your authority over years of rearing your offspring.
Plan and choose your battles wisely.
 
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