A little research paper

j21kickster

Active Member
Im still in the rough draft- and i havent cited sources- but i will- tell me what you think- revise i you want- mind you that i put this off till just tonight and it is due in 2 days so go easy- i was rushing:rolleyes:
When seen for the first time, it is nothing short of breathtaking. One can not find such diversity and color any other place on the planet. When submerged in this underwater world, every color of the rainbow fluoresces under the shimmering sunlight. As you look around, your senses are enthralled by every aspect of this complex ecosystem; from the multitude of one-of-a kind symbiotic relationships, to the unique behavior of all of its inhabitants specially adapted to its particular niche.
Coral reefs are, without a doubt, one of the most spectacular environments known to man. The significance of these reefs is unsurpassed by any natural landmark. However, the coral reefs are being pushed to the boundaries of their survival by both natural destruction and the effects of mankind. With out further affirmative action, they will continue to decline at an alarming rate.
To better understand the problems the reefs face, it is important to the know the basis of what they actually are. A coral reef is made up of thousands of individual organisms. The most prevalent feature is the coral itself. Corals make up the bulk of the reef and are in the kingdom Animalia. There are many species of coral and each varies in form. The predominant of the reef building corals are called the stony corals. The word coral, is of Greek descent meaning “what becomes hard in the hand”. Individual coral colonies are made up of single organisms called polyps. To describe it simply, a polyp is a relatively small sessile (stationary) invertebrate with numerous tentacles surrounding a central disc (or mouth) from which it feeds on zooplankton (tiny marine crustaceans). The word “stony” refers to a skeleton made of calcium. This skeleton is what defines the shape of the coral and is not unlike the skeletal system of our bodies.
What makes reef so important? There is a smilingly endless list to this question. Reefs provide a home for approximately one-third of all the known species of marine fish and over million species in all. This significance is further amplified when one considers that reefs only make up .2 percent of the ocean floor. By no means are reefs composed only of fish and coral. They provide a home for tens of thousands of non-coral species which include crustaceans, plants, sponges, benthic (bottom dwelling) invertebrates, worms, plankton and bacteria from over 30 separate phyla. “Reefs protect an estimated 15% of all beaches and coastlines from storms and erosion by reducing the action of ocean waves and in turn saving millions of dollars that would otherwise be needed to repair damage. They also contain many new or still unexplored materials that may represent medical breakthroughs and are currently a source for many pharmaceutical compounds” and because of a symbiotic relationship with algae called zooxanthellae, they remove carbon dioxide from the air which has direct correlation to global warming.
There are enough benefits derived from coral reefs to write an encyclopedia. Despite their obvious contribution to the planet, they continue to decline. There are numerous factors that are responsible for their demise; most are caused by humans.
Out of coral reefs worldwide, only 30% are estimated to be in a stable condition. 10% have already been destroyed due to human activity. Reef are most threatened in the Caribbean and southern Asia, primarily in Indonesia. An additional 30% are in critical condition and without action in the near future, will be destroyed as well. At the current destruction rate 60% of the world’s coral reefs will be destroyed within twenty to forty years. These numbers are astonishing considering the fact that coral reefs have been around for 230million years.
A majority of reef destruction is caused by humans. There are multiple factors for their decline. There have been many studies composed on global warming and it effects within recent years. Coral reefs are some of the first living organisms to show its effects. The Australian Institute of Marine Science (AIMS) has done extensive research on one of the worst world-wide coral bleaching in history. “The coral bleaching of 1997-1998, is the most geographically widespread ever recorded, and probably the most severe in recorded history. Bleaching means that corals (both hard and soft), as well as giant clams and some other animals like sponges, lose their symbiotic algae (zooxanthellae) and/or the pigments of those algae, such that the coral appears pale to stark white. Some bleaching may be a seasonal event in the Pacific, Indian Ocean, and the Caribbean, and full recovery is the norm. Frequently many corals recover from bleaching, but death may result if the stress is extreme or prolonged. Normally fast-growing, branching corals in the Indo-Pacific are more susceptible than slow-growing boulder corals, which if they are bleached, frequently recover in 1 to 2 months. In this year’s bleaching event, there was widespread death of the fast growing corals, and also bleaching of the more resistant forms – the boulder and plate-like corals. For example, some 700-year-old Porites corals on inner reefs of the Australian Great Barrier Reef and Vietnam have been extensively bleached, and some have died. Complete recovery of these reefs will be slow.” (AIMS 1997-1998 Homepage) This is a perfect example on how global warming causes reef destruction. Worldwide bleaching events still occur and dramatic weather changes, such as El Nino, intensify these effects.
When corals loose their access to sunlight and are unable to feed, they slowly perish. With human development around the world, there is sedimentary disturbance which is carried out into the oceans. Mining, construction, agriculture, dredging, deforestation, and poor land management are all contributors to sedimentation. Particles cloud the water after such activates and begin to settle on the coral. With out proper light exposure and the ability for the polyps to feed, they eventually die.
Since corals have such dramatic colors they, naturally, are desired to be kept in home aquariums. Over one hundred species of coral are imported from around the world for use in home aquariums. The lack of knowledge that many home aquarists have leads to poor survival rates, both during international shipping and improper aquarium care. The natural inclination of humans to try after a failed attempt only compounds the problem of over collection. “The United States is the largest importer of coral. The U.S. imports 70%-80% percent of the live coral, 95% percent of the live rock (reef rock used to create aquarium aquascapes that is traded.” This is clear evidence that the U.S. needs to take action in coral reef conservation “Since 1993, the trade in corals has been increasing at a rate of approximately 10%-20% each year.”
As stated before, sedimentation and agricultural runoff create devastation among the reefs. The ocean is evolved to survive perfectly if it were not for human interference. When excess nutrients are introduced into the ocean via runoff, several factors arise. Algae thrive off of excess nutrients. When there are different compounds and minerals in the water, it produces what is known as an algae bloom. Algae begins to grow at elevated rates and often times, grows over the coral and literally chokes out food and sunlight. This would not have such drastic if the algae eating fish remained on the reef, instead, they too are over collected and thus depletes the reefs natural algae control.
In addition to increased algae growth, excess nutrients also increase the chance for disease. Like all living organisms, corals can be plagued with deadly diseases. Some of them include: White-Band Disease, Black-Band Disease, White Plague, and Yellow-Blotch Disease. While the specific effects of these diseases is not the issue, the all have the ability to kill any coral they come in contact with and spread throughout the reef.
Now that the effects of sedimentation are known, there are other forms of pollution that can be taken into account. Sewage, weather it be raw or filtered had similar effects on the reef. With the addition of excess nutrients, poisons are also introduced. A variety of poisons that are introduced to the reefs have quick-acting and most often, deadly effects. Locations such as Kaneohe Bay, in Hawaii, and Jakarta have pollution trouble worse than most. “Over 7,000,000 cubic feet of septic-tank waste and 2,200 tons of solid waste, all untreated, end up in Jakarta Bay every day.”
The last destructive act that will be discussed is the process in which many corals and reef fishes are collected. Cyanide bombs are popular in Southeast Asia. They are used daily to collect reef fishes for the aquarium trade. The effects of the poison stun the fish in the proximal area, killing most in the process. The fish are stunned by its effects and thus are easier to collect. The problem with this is simple; most fish do not survive the bombs and the ones that do, do not live for more than a few weeks after they were collected. The corals are less resistant to cyanide’s effects and often die at exposure.
 

j21kickster

Active Member
cont...
Dynamite is also used in the same fashion. When it detonates it leaves many fish dead and stunned. It also causes huge amounts of coral damage, often taking out portions of a reef several meters long. This damaged area can take hundreds of years to repair its self.
In recent years, there have been numerous organizations formed to aid in the protection of these ecosystems. Such organizations include: NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), AIMS (Australian Institute of Marine Science), CRTF (U.S. Coral Reef Task Force), and GARF (Geothermal Aquaculture Research Foundation). There are many others out there and their activates include reef restoration to simply propagating aquarium corals. However, they all share the same goal; to conserve and help regenerate existing reefs.
It is obvious that there are many factors that threaten the balance of coral reefs.One of the most important things that we can do is simply, be informed. If the world is exposed to the reefs and why they are dying, then status quo will not go unchanged. It will take public awareness and action by the people to ensure future generations will be able to take part in witnessing one of the greatest natural features in existence. If the problem is set aside it will not cease. Depending on our actions it can be a lingering tragedy or one of the greatest worldwide achievements of all time.
CONGRATS! you made it to the end- what do you think?
 

j21kickster

Active Member
mind you- i have a high school english teacher- so i had to make it short and sweet - none of that fancy termanology crap:p
 

wrassecal

Active Member
Is this a written presentation, oral presentation or both?
3 simple rules are:
1. Tell them what you are going to tell them
2. Tell them
3. Tell them what you told them
You have some great information and insight here but I think you lose a little impact in your opening because the reader isn't alerted to the the topic yet, so you could re-arrange it something like this;
 

wrassecal

Active Member
Coral reefs are, without a doubt, one of the most spectacular environments known to man. The signficance of these reefs is unsurpassed by any natural landmark. When seen for the first time, it is nothing short of breathtaking. One can not find such diversity and color any other place on the planet. When submerged in this underwater world, every color of the rainbow flouresces under the shimmering sunlight. As you look around, your senses are heightened by every aspect of this complex ecosystem; from the multitude of one-of-a kind symbiotic relationships, to the unique behavior of all of its inhabitants specially adapted to its particular niche. However, the coral reefs are being pushed to the boundaries of their sruvival by both natural destruction and the effects of mankind.
If you rearrange you opening something like this you are telling them what you are going to tell them. You also have your attention getting statement which is especially important if you are going to give an oral presentation.
Then follow through with the body of the paper. At the end write a brief conclusion that again summarizes the main points you brought up in the opening. Looks like you are doing a great job to me! Good of you to post it for feedback, I can't edit my own stuff to save my life!
 

saltyrich

Active Member
I concur with the above post. It seems as though you present adequate information, but it needs some organizational work. Personally, I would eliminate the first paragraph. It is flowery and does not contribute substantially to the content. What it does, is prevent the central topic from being exposed. I suggest taking what you've got (minus the first paragraph) and generating an outline utilizing subheadings to indicate the focus of each paragraph. Take these headings and closely examine them to ensure that the paper flows. To clarify, establish the topic in the first paragraph. Also in the first para., provide limited info on your line of evidence to support the topic. Then, in the body of the paper you flesh out those lines of evidence in detail. Try to relate each line of evidence back to your central argument so remind the reader (prevents them from getting lost on the evidence and remindes them of the im[portance of your arguement). Then summarize what you've stated and if need be, then present solutions.
This my help. It is my style which is often technical. I've written 2 Master's theses and a PhD dissertation. Good luck.
P.S. work on organization (it is the critical part), then deal with grammer, aesthetics, additional content, etc..
 

wrassecal

Active Member
You go Dr. Salty! and lets suggest parenthetical citations within text as well as an abstract.
BTW: was I on your committee? ;)
 

overanalyzer

Active Member
I'd agree with Salty ... as a former HS English teacher I take offense at the idea of leaving out all the techincal jargon. If it helps your paper - add it and explain it. Though Salty is correct. I used to make ALL of my students turn in an outline prior to actually writing their paper - no outline - no chance of any grade higher than a C ....
What I would do is print out the paper - highlight the topic senence of each paragraph and then list them ... build a quick outline from there and re-arrange....
Also - your conclusion is a bit scattered:
the line: The most important that we can do is simple, be informed. some questions - is the most importnat thing informing everyone that we are clubbing baby seals or should we get people to take action to stop the clubbing??
the line: If the world is exposed to the reefs and why they are dying, then status quo will not go unchanged. how about - if the world is exposed to the knowledge that coral reefs are dying then there is hope for positive change.
and finally I'd look at some different word choice in your closing statement - be bold and strong ....
It will take public awareness and action by the people to ensure future generations will be able to take part in witnessing one of the greatest natural features (FEATURE - HELL - blinking lights on a phone is a FEATURE - this is breath taking natural wonder - use a theasurus if you feel you are being repetitve) in existence. If the problem is set aside (How about ignored, swept under the rug, some other -STRONGER - statement) it will not cease (what will not cease - how about the sensless destruction of a natural paradise will not cease). Depending on our actions it can be a lingering tragedy or one of the greatest worldwide achievements of all time. (I do like htis last statement!!)
 

bang guy

Moderator
This is my favorite line:
"There is a smilingly endless list to this question."
I always smile when thinking of endless lists :p
I liked it but I have to agree about the intro, needs to get to the point in the first sentence.
 

jim672

Member
kickster,
Nice work. I agree with saltyrich and iechy about your organization.
Some grammatical suggestions:
From paragraph 3--
"The predominant of the reef building corals"
You've either left a word of two out or need another word or two to have that read correctly ......suggestion: "The predominant TYPE OF CORAL ARE the reef building corals".
From para. 4:
"What makes reef so important? There is a smilingly endless list to this question. " I think you mean What makes A reef so important? There is a SEEMINGLY endless list OF ANSWERS to this question".
From para. 10:
" This would not have such drastic if the algae eating fish ". Add an "a" before drastic and insert "effect" between drastic and if.
Last para., second post:
"The most important that we can do is simple, be informed"
If you leave this line in, it needs revision. Maybe: The most important action we can take is to be informed.
I'm at work and didn't read it slowly so I may have missed some.
Bottom line......good work. With some minor changes it will be
A+!!!
Jim
 

j21kickster

Active Member
Well thank you guys for taking the time to help. If i could, i would have gone in to much more detail on about every paragraph- but there is a six page max-
-The intro was basiclly and attention getter- this paper should br formal - but not to the point where it is dull, factual, and has little voice- Since the majority of the paper is factual, the intro was one of the only places to give a description that appeals to the sences- but i will see what i can do about revision.
- After i read it over a few times- i found some places where i can rearrange some informatiuon to make it flow a little nicer. But thank you guys for the posative input- and i'll continue to work on it.
 

iceburger

Member
I've learned alot from this BB,
Lawnmower blenny jumps out of the tank...soak it in garlic:p
Stung by a lionfish?, pee on it...
homework problems?, come to SWF...
 

drew_tt

Member
lots of well-compiled information.
but if its an essay, I couldnt really see waht you were trying to prove (ie your thesis)... try and relate every paragraph directly back to what youre trying to prove to make it very clear to whoever is reading your essay.
the other thing is you seem to have a lot of paragraphs... ~~formal~~ essays *should* require some sort of opening, linking & closing statement per paragraph. many of your smaller ones could easily be lumped together, and IMO would be more effective so.
Drew :)
 

arkman

Member
Kickster, you are getting a plethora of good writing advice here– use as much of it as possible. What is interesting though is that a group of intelligent, educated marine nature enthusiasts have chosen to focus in on the grammar and language of your paper, rather than its substance – which should affect us all.
Turning a blind eye does not ever make the issue go away. Our coral reefs are being destroyed and we are helping. If not directly (and we are helping DIRECTLY), certainly by not being vocal in helping raise awareness and seeking alternatives to stealing parts of the ocean.
Ignorance is not bliss.
 

j21kickster

Active Member
I know what you mean about grammar- that and structure is what im looking for- my content is broad, yes- but im writing a short paper- and there is enough info out there to write a 30 volume encyclopedia- i would have made this longer if i could
 

memnoch

Member
A- from me at this point, some minor grammatical corrections gets the A+. Very interesting, I enjoyed reading it. I would definately add some parenthetical quotes to add backbone to your arguments. I wish I was into this when I was in highschool ;-) It would have made writing so much more fun :D
 

jarre

Member
j21kickster - writing isn't my forte, unless it's programming code!! I do believe you've been given some good suggestions. I've found that if I keep working on a paper after getting suggestions like those here your paper will be much better and you'll feel better about it to! Good Luck!
arkman - I'll agree - Ignorance is not bliss!
Ingorance is the choice not to know!
 

snowbear

Member
Probably a bit late now, but for what it's worth, I think it was a good essay. Incorporate the suggestions made here without changing the substance or intent and it's an EXCELLENT essay! Good job:cool:
 
Top