Are Bachelor parties DISRESPECTFUL? Whats your take?

[miaheatlvr]

Well I told my friends that im getting engaged June 8, and they are asking me WHEN and WHERE is the bachelor party? I told them that "I dont know yet" Which is a LIE because im leaning towards NOT having one! I feel that they CAN get out of hand and can be disrespectful to BOTH me and her. AM I BEING A WUSSY? ALSO I dont want any MALE STRIPPER or any other person rubbing up on my future wife! I have been to MANY MANY bachelor parties and know how BOTH parties can "get carried away" AM I overreacting or being paranoid? Should I submit to peer pressure? p.s I am 39 and can control myself, But along with alcohol and peer pressure and other "gifts" bought to me that I have no prior knowledge of, I cannot control. I know that not having one is going to really disappoint alot of family and friends BUT I think they are just being selfish! CHIME IN PLEASE!

 

[9supratt4]

I'm best man for a real good friend of mine who is getting married in October so I am plaanning his bachelor party. Bachelor parties are not always about the women, alcohol and other gifts, but of course it happens. In my opinion if you can't control yourself and you know that you are going to do somthing that you are going to regret then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

 

[miaheatlvr]

Originally Posted by 9supratt4
http:///forum/post/2628557
I'm best man for a real good friend of mine who is getting married in October so I am plaanning his bachelor party. Bachelor parties are not always about the women, alcohol and other gifts, but of course it happens. In my opinion if you can't control yourself and you know that you are going to do somthing that you are going to regret then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
I can control myself quite WELL thank-you, but Its more like I will be disappointing alot of family and friends by NOT having one. I know I am getting married for "us" and NOT "them" But still I wanted to be politically correct and try to keep everybody happy. Like I said before I am leaning towards Not having one. Thanks for your 2 cents. OH by the way what do you do at your bachelor parties? SINCE you exclude ALCOHOL, GIFTS and WOMEN? Maybe you could give me some ideas that sound like fun? LOL!

 

[crimzy]

I had a bachelor party without strippers and it was fun. Keep in mind that you will disappoint some of your friends who want to get wild with strippers, buy you dances, etc. When I got married my friends were pretty wild. Nothing would have given them more entertainment than buying me some se-x-ual favors. My bachelor party was a bit quieter.... casino, a couple limos, drinks, a little smoking, etc. Worked out well. It doesn't necessarily have to be girls or no party.

 

[reefforbrains]

The drinking into oblivion and strippers are old school.
Now best bach parties I have been to are simple. Take three or four close friends and go play at a favorite golf course, or go fishing at a favorite place. Eat a great steak and enjoy a cigar with guys you have known for at least 10 years and have no women around.
While you might be close with your friends it just is such a pain to try and organize just a random fishing trip. Everyone has thier families and lives to work around. The Bach party theme gives everyone a get out of jail free card to free up the whole day.
Go out, fish, drink and swear. Enjoy a great steakhouse and its a great time.

 

[crimzy]

I don't think it's really a matter of being disrespectful, though. I think that every relationship has different limits on acceptable behavior. When I started dating my wife I stopped going to strip clubs and doing that type of thing. Not because I ever did anything wrong there, but simply because it upset her and wasn't that important to me.
You are about to start your married life. If there is something that bothers your wife and it's not something that's important to you then you simply avoid it because you care about her. The boys just want a party... they'll get over it.
On the other hand, if you and your fiance don't mind strippers and that type of thing, then...

 

[armywife1314]

me and my husband had a pre wedding party instead of different parties since we share friends, we drank, played cards, pool, swam, got a little crazy together but i wont ever wonder what happened and it wont ever cause any "what REALLY happened that night" fights. it really depends on you and your soon to be if the together parties "typical" bachelor/bachelorette parties are your thing, the thing to remember like you said is that its YOU and HER day not theirs.

 

[miaheatlvr]

Originally Posted by armywife1314
http:///forum/post/2628607
me and my husband had a pre wedding party instead of different parties since we share friends, we drank, played cards, pool, swam, got a little crazy together but i wont ever wonder what happened and it wont ever cause any "what REALLY happened that night" fights. it really depends on you and your soon to be if the together parties "typical" bachelor/bachelorette parties are your thing, the thing to remember like you said is that its YOU and HER day not theirs.
My girl is TOTALY oblivious to anything I might want to do, SHE DOES NOT CARE because she trusts me 100% and knows I will NOT do anything regretful whatsoever. I am really into the JUST the guys hanging out doing Innocuous things. It will be really fun! Thanks for the friendly advice ladies and gents.

 

[scsinet]

Originally Posted by MiaHeatLvr
http:///forum/post/2628548
Well I told my friends that im getting engaged June 8, and they are asking me WHEN and WHERE is the bachelor party? I told them that "I dont know yet" Which is a LIE because im leaning towards NOT having one! I feel that they CAN get out of hand and can be disrespectful to BOTH me and her. AM I BEING A WUSSY? ALSO I dont want any MALE STRIPPER or any other person rubbing up on my future wife! I have been to MANY MANY bachelor parties and know how BOTH parties can "get carried away" AM I overreacting or being paranoid? Should I submit to peer pressure? p.s I am 39 and can control myself, But along with alcohol and peer pressure and other "gifts" bought to me that I have no prior knowledge of, I cannot control. I know that not having one is going to really disappoint alot of family and friends BUT I think they are just being selfish! CHIME IN PLEASE!

I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is exactly 3 weeks from today and I have not had a party, and I doubt I will have one.
In my situation, I was unable to find anyone who I trusted enough to run a calm, collected affair. The one guy who really wanted to plan it told me, in these words "I'm going to get you so drunk you won't know what you're doing!" When I told him that there was no way I'd allow that, his reply was "I'm afraid you don't have a choice."
He was wrong.
Anyway, my point is I understand where you are coming from. If you don't want to have a bachelor party, that's your choice. If you do have one, you get to have a say in exactly how far it goes. Bachelor parties are only disrespectful if you either allow them to get that way or put your trust in someone you shouldn't have. I chose not to do one because of my unique situation, but as long as you have a trustworthy friend, then go for it. If you don't want the hassle as I did, and someone wants to call you a wussy, that's their problem.

 

[maelv]

Originally Posted by MiaHeatLvr
http:///forum/post/2628548
Well I told my friends that im getting engaged June 8, and they are asking me WHEN and WHERE is the bachelor party? I told them that "I dont know yet" Which is a LIE because im leaning towards NOT having one! I feel that they CAN get out of hand and can be disrespectful to BOTH me and her. AM I BEING A WUSSY? ALSO I dont want any MALE STRIPPER or any other person rubbing up on my future wife! I have been to MANY MANY bachelor parties and know how BOTH parties can "get carried away" AM I overreacting or being paranoid? Should I submit to peer pressure? p.s I am 39 and can control myself, But along with alcohol and peer pressure and other "gifts" bought to me that I have no prior knowledge of, I cannot control. I know that not having one is going to really disappoint alot of family and friends BUT I think they are just being selfish! CHIME IN PLEASE!

Well congratulations....Personally I didn't have a bachelor party when I got married, it was no big deal to me....but it is true what reefforbrains says....get some buddies together, go out and have a great time over dinner / golf / fishing / whatever. Things, whether anyone will admit it or not, change once you are married. And as everyone else starts moving on with their lives....these quality times you have with good buddies become less and less frequent...
I was raised in the military so I always had new "friends" every 2 - 3 years, so I never had the pleasure of knowing and hanging around someone for an extended amount of time. I am pretty bad of keeping in contact with folks so life moves on...
Now my true best friends are my brothers, parents, kids, and wife of 12 years....
Life changes bud....cherish the times you have with your friends and get ready for the ride of your life (marriage).....

Once again congrats and many blessings on your upcoming marriage...

 

[miaheatlvr]

Very kind words and advice taken to heart Thank-you Maelv! and I know exactly how SCSI feels when your best buddies are telling me "YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE" "ITS NOT YOUR PARTY its OUR PARTY" "COMMON ONE LAST INEBRIATED NIGHT for the road!" Yeah right!

 

[tizzo]

Do what you do... If your not a club goer normally, you don't just all of a sudden become one for a bach party.
If you like to golf, do that. To make it an official bach party, turn off the cell phone for the day. Now THAT's freedom, lol!
Do what YOU like to do. If strippers aren't your thing, then do what is.

I like the casino idea. Spend a ton of money with no wife to be over your shoulder telling you your throwing it all away, lol.

 

[al mc]

MLB and SCSI...Good luck on your upcoming weddings. Personally, I see no need for a bachelor party. People are getting married later in life and many times after living together for some time. In a trusting relationship you can each get together with your friends whenever you like, so why the need for a party? Again..Best of luck,,,,,,,and get a prenup about being able to stay in the swf hobby!

 

[bdhutier]

The boys and I went that afternoon, grabbed a few cases, cigars and such, and went back home. We just icked back, put a few down, and had a quiet night BS'ing. You know, if you're friends are into party-hardy stuff, this could be a opportunity to set the tone of your boundaries.
Like me... I'm all about having some beers with the guys, but life changed after marraige. Different priorities. In my situation, that night established for everyone things were going to be different for me from then on. Your real, suportive friends will understand and get on board.

 

[groupergenius]

WOW, all I can say is....Hand in your Man Card....
Seriously...have fun. Were you like a Saint before this... was the beautiful little Miss Heat lover a Saint before you met her??? Dude, this is your last chance of true unadulterated freedom. Don't let these girlie-men tell you different. Make it the best night of your friggin' life and let whatever happens happen.
Get the wine, women, and song rockin' and a rollin' and for God's sake.....don't take pictures.

Ya.....my bachelor party pretty much blew....

 

[sepulatian]

It really is your choice. If you want to hang out with your boys then do so. If you don't want the T&A then tell your friend that. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It is YOUR night, not theirs. I would think that true friends wouldn't try to get you to stray from your fiancé. If your girl trusts you then she won't care what kind of fun that you have that night. Do what you want to do and have some fun.

 

[reefraff]

Hit a higher end stripper club, they will keep you in line.

 

[beth]

In my view, its your life, your wedding. If you don't want to have one, then "just say no". I agree they can get out of hand, and, it may make your fiancé mad, depending on how understanding she is. If you go with one, then you set the parameters of what the content of the event will be. Your friends can decide what they want to do at "their" party when they get married. The important thing is that the event should be something you want to have....its not for your friends, its for you, if you decide to have one.

 

[chainsaw5vent]

WOW, all I can say is....Hand in your Man Card....
Seriously...have fun. Were you like a Saint before this... was the beautiful little Miss Heat lover a Saint before you met her??? Dude, this is your last chance of true unadulterated freedom. Don't let these girlie-men tell you different. Make it the best night of your friggin' life and let whatever happens happen.
Get the wine, women, and song rockin' and a rollin' and for God's sake.....don't take pictures.

heard yesterday while driving my 2 youngest boys around... 'son, a strong man protects himself. a stronger man protects others.' (from the movie 'BARNYARD'. haven't seen it, but i've heard it many times)
it's not about disappointing your friends, it's about protecting your soon to be wife and children.
being married is kind of being an offensive lineman. nobody really knows who you are until you miss your block and the quarterback gets sacked or the running back gets stuffed for a loss. you will take hits from 'friends' (guys or girls) who don't want you to get married, who don't want you to protect and defend from intruders, who will tempt you to party and run with them all the time.
nah. what you want is the q/b personality that even the linemen look up to for toughness as your wife (brett favre) and for you to have that long term outlook knowing that you're going to go 4 yards and a dust cloud or more on each play called.........

 

[ruaround]

no way... Bach Parties are a must!!! its not selfish either!!! its your last time to party efore your world changes... you should have one man!!! i threw one my best friend a few months ago... best $500+ i spent in a long time... you should see the pix...