Don't you just hate breakups!

[alison]

Well, I said it. I broke up with my boyfriend on wensday night.
DANGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a frickin nighmare and a half. He was like "baby don't leave me" "I love you" Why are you walking away from our love" God was that frickin emotional, and I cried myself to sleep. He still needs closure, but I just can't give it to him, ya know? I think the best thing is just not to answer his calls. We'd only been goin out a month, but I loved him sooooo much, but I just didn't want to be with someone who had 2 kids livin with 'em. I just don't wanna be someone ELSES mommy. I love kids, but I just couldn't do it. He had custody of the kids too. I want kids in the future and if we were to have 2 kids of our own that would be so increadably tight finacially, and thier mom is a frickin freakazoid and bouncin in and out of their life and I just didn't want that. I feel like a selfish Biyatch, but I had to do what's right for me even if it meant hurting someone else and walking away from a love I may never feel again with someone else......... Sorry, I just had to say this........ Ali

 

[fishguy_40]

good for you, look out for number one. youll love again, it just wont feel like it for a bit.

 

[madison]

Coming from one women to another...
If you ever get involved with a single parent...you will always run into this fear:
If a car jumped the curb and is coming at your partner, your partner just happens to have his/her child and your child with them...only has time to save one...whose kids do you think he/she is going to save? :notsure:

 

[alison]

Hey guys, thanks for the support. Ya it kinda sucks right now.
My friends and family want me to just "jump back in there". But I'm so brain fried right now and down, I just dono. This one guy asked me out last week, but I've just been blowin him off becuase I've been with my boyfriend, but I may just go out with him this weekend as a distraction at the very least. I know I need to be a little careful because I'm a little vulnerable right now though. Thanks again.... Ali

 

[pwnag3!!]

just wait till you start havin fun again!
I loved my break up with my ex... albeit a nasty one it did me alot of good. Taught me to take no crap from anyone and b my own person from here on out.
If a girl doesnt like the fact that i smoke or burp or fart... well too bad shes lame anyways.
If a girl doesnt like the fact that im into metal.... TOO BAD!
break ups are good. They teach you alot about yourself.
but hey if it was really meant to be things will even out and you will meet again... im not sure how long but it could happen.

 

[jkvjl]

My only question is didn't your exboyfriend have kids when you started going out? You didn't just hurt him what about the kids? I'm not saying your stuck with him for life just please be carefull in your next relationship kids don't understand adult problems. OK LET THE FLAME JOB BEGIN:sleepy:

 

[joker_ca]

i know how u feel i just left my gurl of 3yrs after calling her at her sick grandma's house someguy answered the phone then gave the phone to her she had nothing to say and hanged up on me....now its been a week today since i called and she hasnt even called me

 

[alison]

Hi guys, ya I did know he had kids when I met him, but after the first night and doin "ya know" so I was well on my way that first night. And I didn't think it would be as big as a problem as it has been and you never know how until you try right? But now I know. The kids I think will be fine. We decided to have me come over for the first coupe of weeks after they were in bed, so they really haven't known me but a week, but they were getting attatched and that was why I had to make a rather speedy decision. I thought I could, but I just couldn't ya know what I mean? I just didn't think it was what it would be. But now I know I can't date a guy with kids, and that I want my own. Not that I wouldn't love them like my own, but that it's just too hard in the beginning, and the ex and some other stuff. Thanks for all the support guys. I decided to go out on that date with that one guy I mentioned and it did help. I only thought about my ex most of the time and just kinda down, but it helped. Good thing I knew it wouldn't work out with the guy. He was really cute, and nice, but not my type, but it got me back in the saddle so to speek, and it will be a while til I can give myself completely to a relationship, but I know I can in the future, and I feel more alive now and not so dang depressed. Thanks again guys for the support and feedback, and happy easter! ...........Ali:happyfish

 

[chainsaw5vent]

alison, it is better that you make that kind of decision early in the process instead of six months or five years in. becoming the responsible adult for someone's children is a huge step up in responsiblity and not all people are ready for that leap of faith. it is ok to say no.:nope:
jkvjl, by her own admission they were doing "ya know" on the first day and that makes it even tougher to make a clear level headed decision:thinking:
as for you madison:help: :thinking: there is always fear in relationships, some more than others. i speak for the guys in the world WHO DID STEP UP AND BECOME THE FATHER FIGURE TO THE FATHERLESS. i used to absolutely hate single mothers!! until over a period of a few months back in the early nineties, it was brought to my attention that the vast majority of single mommies had a male help them become part of that statistic group. so i went to the other side of the pendulum and eventually married a wonderful lady who already had four kids. and added two more FULL HOUSE. 18girl, 16m, 13m, 10m, 4m, 2m. makes for easy handmedowns.
I also had a very tough decision to make. you see, i was a 35 y.o. virg when i got married. no i was not desperate. great job, very happy, cash in the bank, etc.
the great part is that even when i do something stooopid, my wife can trust the fact that i'm not out there doing the "wild thang" with someone else.
as a firefighter, i've already had practice in making life/death decisions, you rescue everybody that you can..the ones that have the ability, strength to get out of the way or rescue themselves, they do. and little children, babies, get the extreme rescue move and effort because they are children. if i saw that your child was going to be seriously injured, even up to death, you can bet your last tooth i would be putting my hind quarters in the way of what is about to happen. THAT is what all parents of children in the house have to prepare themselves for, flesh and blood or not.
the reality is that raising children is tough. relationships/marriage is tough. once you're married, you're supposed to be tougher than the issues that arise in the relationship.

TWO PEOPLE STANDING TOGETHER ARE BETTER THAN ONE. IF ONE FALLS DOWN, HE/SHE HAS SOMEONE TO PROTECT THEM AND HELP THEM STAND UP AGAIN.

easter is the celebration of Jesus rising up from the dead/grave and showing to all that He has power over death so he could give us LIFE ANEW!!!!

 

[knots]

AMEN chainsaw, great words, couldn't have said it any better.

 

[tony detroit]

I just went through a breakup myself.
I swear, the more women I meet, the more brilliant I think gay men are.

 

[alison]

Thanks Chainsaw, you really struck a cord with me and made me feel better. WOW you really are an amazing person to take on a woman with 4 kids. But you were 35 too, and I'm 26, and I feel like I'm just starting out, and maybe a little too imature for kids too, I dono. Really just too much for me right now though. Man my ex keeps calling me but now he wants to remain friends, but I just don't think it's a good idea, so I don't call him back. He also wants to know I'm ok, so I think I will call and leave a voicemail when I KNOW he won't answer. And just tell him I'm ok and that I don't think it's a good idea to be friends right now, but maybe in the future. Because really, I'm still in love with him and I know I may just revert back, and that's not what I want, and certainly not what's best for everyone. Man I wonder when it will stop hurting? I just started tearing up just writing this. My family is really not taking me seriously when I say love either, because it was only a month, but after date 3 he started sayin love and date 5, I was sayin love. It got serious pretty fast, and maybe because we felt like it was a family I dono. I still love him though and I wonder if I will ever "truly" stop loving him and if it ever really stops hurting. He's my first really True all including Love if that makes any sense. The kind where your heart goes pitter patter and you miss them and never want to leave them. Oh, by the way, he proposed to me on the break up night probably to get me to stay. So it was even that much harder. Thanks again everyone, I'm sure it will get easier, it just HAS TOO dangit! Sorry for the long ass message, but it does help to write it out......ALi

 

[chainsaw5vent]

hello alison. relationships are one of the several areas we really don't get good models from. we "practice" breaking up, not fixing and making it better. we spend time as people yearning for something better, but we don't ask ourselves how can i make myself better for my wife (guys put the toilet lid down and wipe the seat off...you too pwnag

) our parents may have split on each other..and us. (i was fortunate, my parents stayed together until my dad died )
i was by no means perfect, i had kissed the girls and made them cry, (georgie porgie puddin pie style) but when i was twenty yo, i realized that that style was all wrong.
what i began to practice was being great friends with girls and their parents. i even had a couple of parents ask me when i was going to get serious and start getting a little more serious, but i had never even held their hand and i wasn't interested for that yet. no harm no foul, no blood no call. i ran into one of the mothers several months ago at costco, intro'd my wife and one of the babies and her reply was 'ooooh donna's gonna be mad/jealous'. oh well
a good book to read is "i kissed dating goodbye" (josh harris?) in it he discusses why "dating" as we know it today is a poor model for long term security in a marriage. and the damage that it does to each one of us emotionally, physically, spiritually. you leave part of your heart behind with each person you attach yourself to. you become one and when you break up, you tear up your heart/emotions/mind.
one of the areas that i notice was my back yard had weeds taller than i. it didn't ruin the view, but it definitely made the going tougher than it needed to be. then it dawned on me. the silly/stoooopid things i do create weeds for myself and my wife to walk through DUHHHH. especially when i let them grow and not clear out before they become too tall. and that is when the problems occur and get blown way out of proportion because there are too many other distractions going on.
i had met my wife through a home bible study and here we are today. i was fortunate enough to be able to support them financially prior to our formal courtship. seperate housing, utilities, working transportation, etc. before we got married. because we never got busy, i could have walked away w/ only a financial outgo, not heart issue.:cheer:
also, i WAS pretty good at raising everybody else's kids, only because i saw them 2-3 hours at youth group, 10-20 hours at football practice. now with them at home, the hardest part is to be consistent, firm and fair with my dealings with them. i pray to God that all six would serve him fully, even in the face of my sometimes BONEHEAD issues.

remain calm, think clearly, choose the best decision in all situations. base your decision on NOT what you want the outcome to be, but on truth.

 

[chainsaw5vent]

:jumping:
i can see clearly now, the weeds in the back yard are gone. now to start working really hard with the wife:happy: :happy:

 

[alison]

Thanks Chainsaw, I'll have to try that book. I'm always looking for books like that. You can tell your wife from me that she is very lucky to have a guy like you, but I'm sure she already knows that. Thanks again........ Alison

 

[madison]

chainsaw5vent

to all firefighters! you are all true American Hero's
I am not saying all decisions (my example) are life and death...what I was implying is that having children are a previlage and not a right! a child is a blessing from GOD! and they all should be treated as precious gifts! not as a pawn between 2 parents in the game of leverage.
If one did choose to conceive or keep the child...they SHOULD be willing to give up your own desire to "party" to raise the child to the best of their ability!
As far as dating a single parent...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as both parties have the same goal!...with that said...finding a partner with your same view as yourself...now! that's that hard part!
....now let's get the flame job begin...
Didn't the Bible say that one should not get a divorce? and that love should only exist between a MAN and a WOMEN....so where does that leave leave the rest of us who is doing a damn good job?!

 

[chypriss]

One thing that caught my eye and gets on my nerves is that you say you "loved" the guy only after what 1 month. I think people throw this word around waaaaaay tomuch and dont mean it.(just ranting)
I know im not the best guy in the world to be giving opinions, im only 22 about to turn 23 and the way i look at relationships is that there is ALWAYS someone else out there for you. Me personally i dont give a shite if i or the girl breaks up with me, if it happens it happens and if it doesnt sweet let the good times roll on. Im the kinda guy that can drop a girl in a heartbeat if she starts trying to "whip" me or starts the drama crap. Like i said im way to young to deal with that crap.
I was also in your shoes once, i had a GF a few years back that had a kid that only used me for my money at the time. I didnt really find that out until my friends started telling me what was going on. Dating people with kids is like taking a 50/50 chance of finding a girl that likes you and doesnt bring her kids in right off the bat or finding a girl that just wants a father figure for her kids. Thats why i will NEVER date a girl with kids(no hard feelings).

 

[alison]

Chypriss, I know what ya mean a lot of people do totally throw the word "love" around too much, but you know when you are in love because you can't live without that person, and you would give your life for them, and your heart goes pitter patter just thinking about them, and all you want to do is be with them. And when you break up with that person, you fall apart, and cry for atleast a few days just even thinking about them and your heart breaks and you aren't even attracted to other people for a while. That's love. Sounds like you haven't been there yet if you can just drop someone like that on the drop of a hat. I was in love with my ex after the 3rd time seein each other, and he was too. But sometimes when you take it to the physical level right off the bat too, that gets pretty intense fast. And I know what you mean about kids. I will NEVER date a guy with kids again. But you never know until you try something if it's right for you or not, right? Well, been on 2 dates since I broke up with him on wensday, and I'm just not there yet. I just caught a cold yesterday, so I'm down for the count for a while which is probably a good thing for me emotionally to mourn for him. Thanks for all the support everyone....... Alison

 

[chainsaw5vent]

hi alison. don't say "never" just be very careful and watch people from a distance/defensive viewpoint before you let them in that close.
when you play defense and learn how to protect yourself first, then you may be able to put in place an "offensive" plan that would allow you to meet just the right guy.
go out in groups of people always. it lessons the chance for the oopps factor. know the guy before you give him a chance to take you out to starbux.(or is it 4bux??:yes: ) allow your closest friends, guys and girls, brothers (almost always looking for your best interest when it comes to guys), to investigate and watch the guy and listen to their input berfore the opportunity is given

 

[bergamer]

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