Girlfriend Troubles? The girls are messing with me!

[miaheatlvr]

Well, I really try not to dwell into my personal life here but I am at a loss and confused and reaching out to the general census for opinions. I am pretty sure minded and I think I know what to do but I would like a general census.
#1 I have just got out of a 18 month relashionship in which the girl I was with was very, smart, cute, all of the good things, but had a bad temper and the last 3 or 4 months of the relashionship was a nightmare with all the fighting. We broke up kind of on a down note. I thought this girl was my soulmate and was very sad and depressed for about 3+ months, I tried calling her a few(many) times but she told me it was over. Hard for me to forget my "soulmate" and get over her... That was almost 4 months ago.
NOW!
After being dormant and depressed for a few months, I met online another girl, very cute, nice smart, keeping in mind that all girls are differnet. This one is much more independent, which I kind of like, but then on the other hand I kinda liked the old fashioned boyfriend role of taking care of my girl, but it is not as necessary with this girl. SOOO after chatting with her after a while, I go on a trip to meet her, luckily she lives in a city where if things did not go well with her I have 2 very good friends there to go out with. So we meet and everything goes great and click right away. It ends up were she is juggling her schedule and leaving work early just to spend more time with me and we end up spending 5 fun filled days together in joyful bliss. So we are dating and a couple for about 6 weeks now, 1 month online and 2 weeks in person also telephone and webcam. Things are going well! So far so good!
NOW!
So last week I get a phone call from who you might ask? My EX of course, crying and depressed teling me that shes had enough time alone by herself and that being alone and away from me has been terrible and a nightmare and she wants me back and she has changed and threw in the "we are soulmates" and she is calling me everyday with the same rhetoric and with a sweet sad tone in her voice.
Now I am confused!
#1 How can I just throw away 18 months of a relashionship, Granted not all of it was blissfull.
#2 I Have not given my ex an answer yet of what I plan to do, after some serious thought.
#3 If you snooze you loose? for her? meaning my ex. BUT Im not that cold hearted.
# 4 I really like my NEW GIRL and I want to give her a chance I think, she has done nothing to me and it would devastate her to break up just like that.
#5 I have not told my new girl about my EX, i think it would be more negative than positive.
Thanks for any and all input!

 

[digitydash]

Tell your ex to hit the road she just trying to get you back because you don't call her no more and she knows you have found another girl.Believe me she know chicks have that six sence.Psyco women just get worse not better.If you really like your new GF stay with her.I like a independent women more then a leach if you ask me.I been with my GF for 5yrs she pay for thing and I pay for things we take turns.I do pay morebut she at least offers.

Tell her its over and change all your numbers.

 

[redinator]

Your not married, play them both.

 

[digitydash]

Originally Posted by redinator
Your not married, play them both.

With a psyco yur playing with fire

 

[agent-x]

Originally Posted by MiaHeatLvr
Well, I really try not to dwell into my personal life here but I am at a loss and confused and reaching out to the general census for opinions. I am pretty sure minded and I think I know what to do but I would like a general census.
#1 I have just got out of a 18 month relashionship in which the girl I was with was very, smart, cute, all of the good things, but had a bad temper and the last 3 or 4 months of the relashionship was a nightmare with all the fighting. We broke up kind of on a down note. I thought this girl was my soulmate and was very sad and depressed for about 3+ months, I tried calling her a few(many) times but she told me it was over. Hard for me to forget my "soulmate" and get over her... That was almost 4 months ago.
NOW!
After being dormant and depressed for a few months, I met online another girl, very cute, nice smart, keeping in mind that all girls are differnet. This one is much more independent, which I kind of like, but then on the other hand I kinda liked the old fashioned boyfriend role of taking care of my girl, but it is not as necessary with this girl. SOOO after chatting with her after a while, I go on a trip to meet her, luckily she lives in a city where if things did not go well with her I have 2 very good friends there to go out with. So we meet and everything goes great and click right away. It ends up were she is juggling her schedule and leaving work early just to spend more time with me and we end up spending 5 fun filled days together in joyful bliss. So we are dating and a couple for about 6 weeks now, 1 month online and 2 weeks in person also telephone and webcam. Things are going well! So far so good!
NOW!
So last week I get a phone call from who you might ask? My EX of course, crying and depressed teling me that shes had enough time alone by herself and that being alone and away from me has been terrible and a nightmare and she wants me back and she has changed and threw in the "we are soulmates" and she is calling me everyday with the same rhetoric and with a sweet sad tone in her voice.
Now I am confused!
#1 How can I just throw away 18 months of a relashionship, Granted not all of it was blissfull.
#2 I Have not given my ex an answer yet of what I plan to do, after some serious thought.
#3 If you snooze you loose? for her? meaning my ex. BUT Im not that cold hearted.
# 4 I really like my NEW GIRL and I want to give her a chance I think, she has done nothing to me and it would devastate her to break up just like that.
#5 I have not told my new girl about my EX, i think it would be more negative than positive.
Thanks for any and all input!
1. I know you see it as throwing away a relationship, but take it from me. There was a reason you were fighting and a reason you broke up the first time. Those things will come back eventually. Do you really want to go through what you did last time?
2. Be nice about it, tell her you care for her (because you obviously do). But, you went through a lot ofter the "breakup" and your not sure that you want to jump back into things with again. You could even mention your seeing someone else and you want to see where that goes. If you guys are meant to be together you will be, but don't force it or cheat yourself out of another happy relationship.
3. Don't be cold about. You obviously had/have feelings for her, and her for you. be nice about it.
4. It would be a waste of time and energy to give up on a girl you really like so far and that has done nothing wrong so far to just go back to an ex. You'd most likely regret it later.
5. Never, and I mean never. Talk about the Ex with the current.
I know it's a tuff choice, but I hope that helps.

 

[rudedog40]

Open a newspaper. I read this all the time in Dear Abby. As far as your predicament:
18 months is quite a while with someone. Especially if you described that person as your soulmate. However, you need to ask yourself several questions:
What was it that drew you to this women? What are her positive traits, what are the negatives?
What caused you to break up and go different directions? Was it financial reasons, committment reasons, issues with your sexual relationship? That's the big one you have to ask yourself. If you were to go back to this relationship, will what broke you up in the first place resurface?
Is this reconciliation sincere, or maybe she's just trying to get back with you because she 'heard it through the grapevine' from mutual friends you were seeing this other woman? You tried for 3 months to get back with her, and she blew you off. Now you've found another women, and all of a sudden she's come to her senses and wants you back. Coincidence?
As far as your new girfriend:
I think it's great you got over your obsession with girlfriend #1 and moved on with your life. Many people find this hard to do after a long-term relationship with someone they thought was their "soulmate". However, I do think you should take it slow with this new girlfriend. Through the world of the Internet, you were able to find someone new you can 'connect with'. Now ask yourself these questions about her:
What traits do I like/dislike about her?
Am I attracted to this girl for the right reasons, or is it just an infatuation?
Do I compare here in any way with my previous girlfriend? My Advice -- DON'T.
Do I like this girl for who she is, or is she just the 'rebound' girl?
How will committing to this new girlfriend change my life and lifestyle? You said you had to travel to meet this girl. How far did you have to go? Is it close to where you currently live? If not, are you or her prepared to uproot your lives (your house, your job, your friends), to be with one another?
As far as telling her about your old girlfriend, I would suggest you do so if you intend on going further with this relationship. You apparantly still have emotional ties to this woman that most likely will affect how you ultimately feel about this new woman. If you start hanging out with mutual friends, the old girlfriend will most likely come into the conversation. You'd rather have her hear about how you feel about your old girlfriend from you, instead of some 'exaggerated tale' from one of your friends. It also lets her know how she stands with you. Not only that, but it may open the floodgates where she tells you about her past relationships. Do you know anything about that? Has she recently been through another realtionship? Could you be the 'rebound' guy?

 

[shrimpi]

IMO
Life is too short for this stuff.
Which girl makes you happy?
Which girl scares you?
Pick one, and tell the other your truthful feelings.
If you arent happy with a relationship or situation... GET OUT!
Life is so much better when you do what makes you happy.
Good Luck
Jessica.
(Im a master of messy relationships myself)

 

[fishpoor]

In the opinion of this woman...we always want what we can't have! You are EX's for a reason, tell her thanks but no thanks. You are lucky you aren't married or have children! Not everyone will agree but there is such thing as a Fight-free relationship! Don't waist your time on a girl you fight with. It will only get worst! Woman are weird trust me! Don't play "the game" unless your in HSchool and dont plan on spending the rest of your life with them.
Good Luck,
Angela

 

[miaheatlvr]

Thank-you all for your valued input, Except Redinator, lol

There has been enough "playing" already and im not too doggie to do do that! I am weighing and balancing all your input, much of it is similar to mine, these are difficult times ahead especially with the ex, ALL those memories and routines, down the drain, you start to get accustomed to routine, in a positive sense with me at least. I think we all know whats right deep inside but need to hear it or in this case SEE it sometimes!

Cheers!

 

[digitydash]

I was with a girl for almost 5 yrs with a crazy attitude.Was it hard to stay away from her yes I won't lie,but I am so much happier since.It took about a 6 months.If you are happy with your present GF you will forget sooner or later

 

[skipperdz]

your happy with who your with right? tell your current about your ex...before its too late. and tell her the situation.
if i were you an ex is an ex...stick to the new one your happy with bro.

 

[lovethesea]

move on......
I am going to guess she was dating someone else, and they broke up and now she needs someone else. You are the easiest one to pick. Just a guess, I hope its not right for your sake.

 

[ophiura]

I agree, move on. An independent woman is far better than one with a temper problem. If you got married, had kids...do you want a family with a woman with such a temper problem? No you don't. As a manager, it is the person with the "temper problem" that we most worry about day to day. You don't want that. Believe me, you don't want that for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
An independent woman, in love, will still likely let you be "the man" in many things in terms of taking care of them. But she is not needy, and that is important. She doesn't NEED you to do that - or anyone to do that - right now. And that is GOOD.

 

[groupergenius]

Just my $.02. Tell the first one to hit the bricks. Or better yet, tell her nothing. Ignore her, you have no time for her. Trust me, life is way too short for regrets. It didn't work out the first time and there are no guarantees in life.
This one now might not be "the one". Time will tell. But I do know when you meet the right one, you will know. Someone who is truly a best friend first and lover second.

 

[coral keeper]

Originally Posted by ophiura
I agree, move on. An independent woman is far better than one with a temper problem. If you got married, had kids...do you want a family with a woman with such a temper problem? No you don't. As a manager, it is the person with the "temper problem" that we most worry about day to day. You don't want that. Believe me, you don't want that for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
An independent woman, in love, will still likely let you be "the man" in many things in terms of taking care of them. But she is not needy, and that is important. She doesn't NEED you to do that - or anyone to do that - right now. And that is GOOD.
I agree, move on.

 

[b-baby80]

Originally Posted by Fishpoor
In the opinion of this woman...we always want what we can't have! You are EX's for a reason, tell her thanks but no thanks. You are lucky you aren't married or have children! Not everyone will agree but there is such thing as a Fight-free relationship! Don't waist your time on a girl you fight with. It will only get worst! Woman are weird trust me! Don't play "the game" unless your in HSchool and dont plan on spending the rest of your life with them.
Good Luck,
Angela
My thoughts exactly.The ex only wants you cause she doesn't have you.She is an ex for a reason and it wouldn't take long to remember it.By then the new girl would be gone though.So i say ditch the ex and move on.Life is to to to short for this crap!!

 

[kerriann]

think VERY heavily before getting back with the Ex. Like Fishpoor said, we always want what we can't have. If she found out you were with someone new and she wasn't, that's a tough hit to our pride for us. There's a definite possibility she doesn't really want you back, just thinks she does because she's lonely. I don't want her to make her sound bad or evil or anything like that it's really all a subconscious thing with a lot of us.
The most important thing to remember is PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. There will be small changes, yes, but chances are the fights aren't going away.
Another big factor is age. Personally if you're younger than 21 the chances of you meeting your soulmate at such a young age - SLIM TO NONE. If you're young, be young and enjoy it. I never had a relationship past 6 months because I always thought I could do better (I dated a LOT of losers!!) and I was always right!! While I missed a lot of my relationships each relationship had it's highs and lows. Finally, at 25, I know all those "soulmates" I had in the past were exactly that, the past.
I absolutely don't want to tell you what to do, I'm just saying don't miss out on something risky because there's a comfortable, easy solution!!

 

[nvmycj]

Originally Posted by Fishpoor
In the opinion of this woman...we always want what we can't have! You are EX's for a reason, tell her thanks but no thanks. You are lucky you aren't married or have children! Not everyone will agree but there is such thing as a Fight-free relationship! Don't waist your time on a girl you fight with. It will only get worst! Woman are weird trust me! Don't play "the game" unless your in HSchool and dont plan on spending the rest of your life with them.
Good Luck,
Angela

"Not everyone will agree but there is such thing as a Fight-free relationship!"
.......I wish I had one......
Angela=woman whom we look for....

Also,.... get out of Miami Beach. Plenty of nice to look at, but not enough "upstairs."

 

[nvmycj]

Originally Posted by Coral Keeper
I agree, move on.

Tell the ex to beat feet. Something didn't work out on her end and now she's looking for a comfort zone that she has,....I'm sorry,...HAD with you. Tell her politely to stop calling, and by all means, do not let the current know about to ex! Too much drama if she finds out.

 

[earlybird]

Which is better looking? J/K
Tough situation here and I was in the same predicament with my current wife. We had dated for over a year or so and then she needed space just like that. I couldn't figure it out. Things were good but got dull I guess. I dated around but still couldn't help feeling empty inside. 4 months later she wanted back into my life. It would have been real easy to give her the boot and move on but I didn't because I was still in love and I knew this was the one. So I took her back and things were different. I knew what I was getting but we also knew that in order to make it work some things had to change. They did and we've been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old daughter. Things could have been very different but I don't have any regrets only happiness.
Only you'll know what to do. Trust that voice inside your head. It knows you better than anyone.
Good luck