good joke for women

nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
The Funeral Procession
A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.
Behind her, a short distance back, were about
200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"
"My husband's."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in the line."
A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for...
Wisdom, to understand a man;
Love, to forgive him and;
Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord,
if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
 
nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
Why is micheal Jackson so much like a plastic bag?
Thier both WHITE,
Their both PLASTIC,
And you have to keep them away from children!!
 
jkvjl

jkvjl

Member
What do all battered women have in common? Not one of them knew when to shut up!! :hilarious
 
nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
lol
Whats another name for a push up bra?
False advertisment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :scared:
THE RULES!!!
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
 
nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
men are like bike helmets-
There handy when theres an emergency, but look silly otherwise.
men are like parking spots-
all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
men are like high heels-
there easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
men are like bank accounts-
without a lot of money they don't generate much interest.
men are like mascra -
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
men are like copiers-
you need them for reproduction, but thats about it.
 
taz_12777

taz_12777

Member
Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida, and New York. Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window. "What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan. "We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!" A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida. " We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!" Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.
 
mimzy

mimzy

Active Member
Ha HA!!! YESSSSSS!!! Oh Taz that joke just made my century

Only one thing I hate more than New Jersey.... and that's New York!!!
 
taz_12777

taz_12777

Member
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it
 
nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
lmao
ok.. I just got these today.
A man and woman are driving...
A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ”
The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.
If only men would listen. :hilarious
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“Excellent, Michael!”
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
“Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, ......just freakin beautiful!’” :scared:
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then Little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.”
 
fishzen

fishzen

Member
A man finds a lamp, rubs it and out comes a genie; the genie then explains that he can only give one wish to his new master, the man starts thinking on what will be worthwhile spending his wish, after a little while the man comes back and explains that he has always wanted to go to Europe, but that he is afraid of flying and sailing, so he asks the genie if he can build a bridge between the US and Europe so he will be able to go visit Europe. The genie responds that it will be really hard to build, he cites the amount of concrete he will need, the difficulty he will have to face to build the supports for the bridge since they have to reach all the way to the bottom of the sea, all the changes that will have to be made to sea ways, the dangers for ships if they collided with the structure, the disruption on marine life, the danger to the bridge due to icebergs, and so on. The discouraged man then continues thinking on another wish and comes back to the genie with the following; I’ve always wanted to understand women can you help me with that? The genie looks at the man for a few seconds and then asks; how many lanes do you want the bridge to have?
 
N

nluchau

Guest
Originally Posted by nemo lover
Why is micheal Jackson so much like a plastic bag?
Thier both WHITE,
Their both PLASTIC,
And you have to keep them away from children!!
Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
Ones white, plastic and unsafe for children. The other holds grocerys
 
N

nluchau

Guest
How do you know when Michael Jackson has company??
Theres a tricyle in his drive way
 
S

sinner's girl

Guest
The Funeral Procession
Can I borrow the dog? I like my husband, but hate my mother-in-law.
 
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