good joke for women

taz_12777

taz_12777

Member
Really bad jokes, but they definitely make you smile... Hope you all have
a good day!
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood...
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko...
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Georgia Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
 
gafish

gafish

Member
I used to be a cop in Arkansas so I can get away with this..
What is the difference between a Elephant and a Arkansas State Trooper?
On a Trooper the trunk is in the back and the A@$hole is in the front....
 
chypriss

chypriss

Member
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None it should be open when the [explicit entry] brings it to you.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None the [explicit entry] can do the dishes in the dark.
Why do women where white to the wedding?
So the dishwasher can match all the other appliances.
How many Feminest does it take to change a light bulb?
None they cant change anything.
What do 1000 beaten and batter women have in common?
They dont know when to STFU?
What happens when a women's watch breaks?
Tell her to read the one on the stove.
How do you blind a women?
Put a windshield in front of her.
Why is Micheal Jackson like beach sand?
Moms are contantly trying to get it out of there boys swim trunks.
You hear about the new German oven that sears is coming out with?
I heard it seats 12.
I really should talk about the war my great grand father died in it..he fell of a guard tower.
How do you kill 50 flies in 1 shot?
Hit a Somalina in the face with a shovel.
How do you stop a clown from laughing?
Hit him in the face with an axe.
I could keep going with jokes but I will probably "offend" alot of people.
 
chypriss

chypriss

Member
I thought that I fell off the line and hit rock bottom. :yes: Come on you women have to have some male jokes, and you have to come up with something better than little

[hr]
jokes.
I am a master at telling joke, my friends and I tell jokes for hours, atleast I didn't put the dead baby jokes on here.
 
fishzen

fishzen

Member
A man is driving his brand new sports car on the interstate when a cop detects him and starts the chase, the man noticing the police car says to himself, ‘He is not going to catch me on this car’ and increases the speed, after a couple of miles the man asks to himself ‘What Am I doing? I am a good citizen I should not be doing this’, the reason returns to him and decides to stop the car. Then the cop approaches him asks for ************** and registration, after the usual check on the computer, the cop returns to the man and says, ‘It’s Friday evening, I am on my way out of this shift, and frankly I just want to get home. If you give me an excuse for your behavior that I haven’t heard before you are free to go’, the man starts to think and says ‘Last week my wife ran away with a cop, I thought it was you trying to give her back to me’, the cop looks at the man and says ‘Have a save drive home sir’.
This kid at a wedding asks his mother ‘Mom, why is the bride dressed in white?’ the mother responds ‘Because it’s the happiest day of her life’; the kid keeps thinking and then asks ‘Then why is the groom dressed in black?’
 
taz_12777

taz_12777

Member
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a
headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
from children." --Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group
for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job
but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of
the night, drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay and the day
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
teach you how to swim.'" --Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through
my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New
York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and
that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you
have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--WarrenHutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of
Congress.. But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least
they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
that!'"
--Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
 
magooo2

magooo2

Member
Lets try one:
Which takes longer to build ,a snowman or a snow woman
Correct answer ? Snowwoman,because it takes longer to hollow out the head.
 
magooo2

magooo2

Member

Because blonde jokes are just ooooooooo so funny. Give it up !
It's no wonder some never come back too post , always a critic.
 
sweetdawn

sweetdawn

Active Member
i like a good blonde joke i like any joke that makes me laugh. i just didnt think it was funny to hit a clown in the face with an axe to make it stop laughing or saying a women is battered because she cant keep her mouth shut just isnt funny its sad. my seventeen year old son read it and just sighed and said whatever and walked off.magoo your snowman joke was funny
 
him6616

him6616

New Member
I agree!!! My husband used to be an alcoholic and he used to hit on me. He only did it when drunk, and he is sober now, but it wasn't funny!!!!!!!
 
chypriss

chypriss

Member
Hey they aren't my jokes, i just tell them alot...but I do have a sick and twisted sense of humor...and so do all of my friends.
 
nemo lover

nemo lover

Member
yeah well I am really glad you didn't tell the DEAD BABY jokes, cause I would have been really really personally offended. I lost a newborn at six weeks.
Please guys lets keep then funny, and somewhat clean.
 
scotts

scotts

Active Member
2 old men are playing golf and are ready to tee off on the first hole when a funeral procession drives by. One old man takes off his hat and keeps it off while the procession drives by. Then he puts his hat back on and starts to adress the ball. The other guy syas "that was nice" The first guy says, "well we were married for 45 years."
 
taz_12777

taz_12777

Member
THIRTY THOUGHTS TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill
them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With
That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and
Wesson.
30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying
for. Will Rogers
 
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