Harley vs The Tank update

[ramey70]

Here's the deal. Two things bother her about the tank. One, she really loves her living room and wants to do it her way. The tank doesn't fit in her grand view of how things should be. The other thing that bothers her is that does take up a lot of my time and attention. She says we never go out any more and she's tired of me trying to talk about fish with her friends and coworkers. (She works at Hooters while she finishes school and I think it bothers her that they call me the Fish Dork now). I guess it's an image thing. She said the Harley will at least make me not look such a geek anymore. So we compromised, I don't talk about fish anymore with her friends and I have to move the tank into my office. Does this sound like a fair deal?

 

[susiepan]

Honey Beatle!!!!!!!! I think your "HOOTER" Whipped..
A tank is beautiful anywhere,but ok..you move it into your office....
Does that make you less of a geek in her eyes...
This girl definately has a image problem, and if ANYONE called my fiance a geek or a dork..they wouldnt be my frie==einds for long...geez, these are just people see works with..what the hell does she care what THEY think???
I think it was Damsel who hit it on the nose...Dump the Bi***!! <img src="graemlins//yell.gif" border="0" alt="[yell]" /> <img src="graemlins//yell.gif" border="0" alt="[yell]" /> <img src="graemlins//eek.gif" border="0" alt="[eek]" />

 

[von_rahvin]

here is a qoute from my chick (she happens to think i am a crazy obsessed guy when it comes to fish tanks) on to the qoute : Man, if she's that worried about her image, she's way too superficial!
honestly though, I would move the tank into the office. my chick has great plans for my tanks, she thinks they are not big enough. she was talking about 8000 gallons, shes kinda nutz too though.
anyway back to topic, move the tank get the harley . and get a bigger tank in a bit for the living room
cheers

 

[fallen04]

at least before she could at least see you in the living room. now you will be in your office constantly. you will be but a memory. believe me she will fuss about that too

 

[dirtybilge]

Put the tank somewhere else in your home what about the bedroom? Don't talk about fish anymore. People think i am dorky too, but i don't care, my girlfriend says my tanks stink!

 

[blue_carpet]

the only ting mygirlfriend has ever said about my tanks is that im messy when i change my waterouther tan that she spends money onthemmore than i do in fact you should date on of her friends then maybe she would be like ok you can have yor tank just dont date my friends

 

[tykill]

Alot can go wrong in the time your not at work. She'll have her way as soon as the tank goes under. I think there are other issue's here anyways besides the tank. I don't know you, but maybe you do talk about fish too much(Some people don't like to hear about fish, defintly tone it down it that is the problem). Second the image problem is a high school thing, tell her to get over it. Here is a Quote you should learn " To each, is thier own".
Pathitic people have to make fun of other people, to make them feel better about how pathitic thier own life really is.
Attention, She wants the attention she gets at work. Have fun, sounds like high maintance.

 

[cyn]

I am with Damsel, ditch her. First of all she sounds very high maintance, more so than any tank. Very superficial too. It sounds to me that she cares more about her image than you or your feelings. I lived like that for 5 years of marriage and it was doomed from the start. It starts with giving up this and that and ends with you will do this or that. Stand up for yourself now or bend over forever.
cyn

 

[catera]

My girl hates when i talk about my fish tank but it would really be her ass if she ever asked me to give it up. I dont think she ever would for 2 reasons, 1 she sees the joy it brings me (and people who like it) and 2. it something that keeps me busy and motivated. i hope all wo4rks out but i would never allow a girl to give me an ultimatum like that especially if its just an image thing with her! well at least you get to be alone with the fish now and dont have the fiancee barking over your shoulder.

 

[predator]

My girlfriend has not completely let saltwater engulf her life as I have. Though she has expressed interest in it. And not becuase she really loves it, but because I do. We have many mutual friends whom at first thought it was a little odd that I expressed so much interest in fish and corals. Now that they have been around the tank and seen the beauty involved they all participate in it. There is not one of her friends who has not claimed one of my fish. If you did not know any better you would have thought they bought em'.
I honestly believe that this relationship will not last very long if this kind of crap continues. If this passes something else will come. I hate to be rude, but this girl sounds like she is running all over you. I know I would never put someone I love in a situation like she has put you in. I mean if she is willing to put that kind of money into you looking tough then she has some serious issues. And if you proceed with this , so do you.
I would not get rid of my tank for anything less than a bigger one!!!

 

[bizkit]

My girl hated my tanks for the longest time. We have a local coral farm tropicorium. I took her there and now she loves my tank. She understands the peace and joy my tanks bring me. She now enjoys them very much. She enjoys going with me to tropicorium. She now wants a nano for herself. She has got to deal with alot with me working in IT which make me a total Computer Geek and she even has fish dork. Image is nothing thirst is everything.

 

[tru conch]

im lucky i guess. my girlfriend isnt into alot of pets (ie dogs, cats, etc) but she likes my fish, espically any blue ones like my hippo tang.
the other day i was doing a water change and maintence and she made the comment that i looked "cute with my shirt off working on my fish tank". so i guess that i am lucky and i am happy about it.
so ramey, dude, i wish you the best of luck. it does sound like she is controling you, and forcing you to change. it is one thing to compromise on something, but if you have change, then you are headed for trouble. i dated a girl who wanted me to change, needless to say i cut her loose. so best of luck man.

 

[drummerboy]

The whole reason I got into this tank thing is because of a woman! I dated someone for almost three years, had the ring for her finger, all she could talk about was getting married. Next thing I know she's cheating on me with a guy at work. I stayed with her for a couple weeks after that, I forgave her. Then she decides to dump me! So, in order to keep my mind off of it, I used most of the money from the ring to fund my reef tank! At least I know my fish can't cheat on me!

 

[queen angel]

Ramey70
This is one that I am not sure anyone on this site is qualified to answer or to give advice to. I personally am not the aquar-aholic that my boyfriend is, but I would never ask him to give up his tank or worse make him feel inferior for his likes.
But I have to say that it has been said "you can't be made to feel inferior without your own consent"
Do not let her think that you are going to compromise, if you start giving in now the pattern will surely be the same for the remaninder of your lives together. Is she willing to compromise for you?
I can relate to having my way when it comes to the decor of my house, but for me the tank is just a magnificient addition to an already beautiful home, when you walk into our house the tank is in the center of the room, grabbing everyone's attention and setting an atmosphere that I and all my friends seem to love...like my best friend said, we do not even need a TV, the tank is entertainment in itself.
Your fiance obviously has deeper problems with the tank than how it looks, but rather how it makes you look. I mean I have heard of wives asking their husbands to give up drinking, partying, or other hobbies that could bring destruction to a relationship, but not one that keeps you home and has no harmful side affects that I can find. Aside from her complex(not yours) that it makes you seem dorky, I feel that she has zero argument.
I would bet that the only reason her or any of her clients have any negative comments to say about you having a fish tank would be simply because they are jealous...
I really hope everything works out, again do not compromise for someone who obviously is not willing to compromise for you, if image is so important to her then tell her to go ahead buy you the Harley, but you and your fish tank are not going anywhere...if anyone needs to go it should be her and her immature insecurities.(Remember it is her that has the problem not you)

 

[sandy]

Well, I guess it's a matter of what is important to you and what your priorities are. My s/on isn't much into the tank and prefers that I not "talk fish" all the time. This is a far cry from calling me names (or caring if others do...) or from giving me an altamatem (spell?).
I think this may be an indicator of what the relationship might be like in the future. Can you find a compromise -- a workable answer that suits both of your needs and desires? Or, is she just interested in what her friends think or what she wants/enjoys? Only you can decide how you want to live.
Couples can have very different interests and still get along, because they find ways to live that is suitable for both. Good luck. I, for one, am glad I have this list -- I don't understand why people would *not* want to hear about this fascinating hobby, but alas - they don't.

 

[jim672]

Ramey70
Providing meaningful information to you on this subject has got to be alot harder than "how to I solve my ick problems?" In my case my girlfriend (a.k.a. my wife of 30 years) bought me my tank because she knew it was someting I really wanted. I had to put it in our family room....she didn't want it in the living room. Small compromise. I probably would spend all my time and money on the darn thing but I know that going out and/or doing things with her is at least as important as that so......I compromise....and I try to take her with me every time I go shoppig for something new.
Only you can determine what's important to you and which of those important things is most important. Seems to me that moving your tank to your office, getting a Harley and keeping the girl friend is win-win-win for you.....but only you can decide that.
Good luck!!

 

[lawnboy]

A compromise would imply she would be giving up somthing as well. She sounds rather shallow and childish. Maybe the real issue isn't your tank or you for that matter. It might just be her. Most people are secure enough with themselves not to feel jealous of a fish tank. As for talking about fish to much...? Is there such a thing? I sure wouldn't marry her without some joint couseling. Find out what your in for, before you make it your life. If she's this controlling now just think what she will be like once she has that ring though your nose..ahh on your finger.
Besides if you find out you don't want to be with her.. the money you save on a wedding could go towards some really cool upgrades for your tank.
IMO
lawnboy's woman

 

[aj77]

"Here's the deal. Two things bother her about the tank. One, she really loves her living room and wants to do it her way. The tank doesn't fit in her grand view of how things should be."
Do YOU want to take the role of decorator? Leave it to her; she has the nesting instinct, you don't. My wife requires the freedom to make the home liveable as she sees fit. I trust her to not make it a prissy paradise, and she knows my tastes.
"The other thing that bothers her is that does take up a lot of my time and attention. She says we never go out any more..."
ANY other person or interest that may make your spouse insecure as to your priorities (however unreasonable it seems) is to be avoided, out of consideration for them. When women are referred to as the "weaker ---," we take that as a negative, but they have sensitivity we cannot imagine. If you want her, then take care of her needs, even if they are ridiculous. Sometimes your lady needs reassurance; a renewed sense of commitment from you. This is not being whipped, this is being a nurturing male.
"...and she's tired of me trying to talk about fish with her friends and coworkers."
Easy: back off. Not everyone can share your passion. A small club is funner.
"(She works at Hooters while she finishes school and I think it bothers her that they call me the Fish Dork now). I guess it's an image thing. She said the Harley will at least make me not look such a geek anymore."
Image problem? She works at Hooters! (You like that, right?) As for the Harley, she wants a manly man, which you seem to be, judging by your interests.
"So we compromised, I don't talk about fish anymore with her friends and I have to move the tank into my office. Does this sound like a fair deal?"
You still get the bike? Good deal.
My wife likes the tank instead of the TV dominating the living room, but still it's not a decorating achievment. We also compromised. Keep working at your relationship, and try to remember that she looks at almost everything differently than you.
AJ

 

[joe's reefer]

have her buy the harley then dump her then get the tank hell ya. <img src="graemlins//uhuh.gif" border="0" alt="[U-Huh]" /> but remember what to do with hooter girls

 

[ironreef]

IMO you can't change someone. I can imagine you talking ppls ear of in something there not interested in.= dork. But imo a good relationship is compramise. I see nothing wrong with moving the tank,stop talking to her friends about fish unless they ask. And having her buy the harley . Well even if she doesn't comprimise is good. Keep the tank buy the bike. But if you buy a house togather make sure you establish your fish room first.!!! My wife has the whole house I'm happy with one room. Bar,fish tank whatevls do I need.