I gotta vent!

[sweat90lx]

One of my best friends in is a very bad situation. He has been married for 12 years and has 2 sons. His wife is appearently having a midlife crisis at 30, still very young.
She has lost a lot of weight and met a guy on the internet. He knew she had cheated and the guy had flew across the country to meet her, he forgave her and tried to mend things. He went on a road trip last week to buy car parts in Atlanta(4 hours away). He called me very upset and couldnt get ahold of her when he called to tell her he got the parts and was headed home. She didnt show up at work and his kids were not at daycare. I broke into his house and began a search as he wanted and found items he said they would not leave behind.
He called me later to tell me she had left and taken his kids to California(we live an hour from the east coast) to be with her internet boyfriend. I have called him every couple days to check on him and see if he needed anything.
Tonight he called me for the first time, we talked for a while and I went to his house. His world is destroyed and he has not been eating or sleeping very much. I brought him to my house and got him to eat what we cooked for supper. We talked for a while and he told me his feelings. He is still in love with her and wants her and their kids to come home. He also said her new boyfriend screens her calls and texts.
I only listened and told him to do what is best for his kids and what his heart tells him. I do not agree with what he wants but I support his choices. I emailed his wife and hope she will respond.
Im not sure what else to do. I am feeling his pain and hoping his kids are safe and are not forever gone.

 

[travelerjp98]

That's so sad. I know of a lot of stories like this, unfortunately.

 

[rlablan]

Was a tragic story.
Thank you for stepping up and helping out your friend. A lot of people turn a blind eye because they don't want drama or to get involved. He is lucky to have someone who cares.
There seems to be a lot of this similar situation going around. I wonder what is it these women think they aren't getting or what they think they'll find with a man who is low enough to steal away another mans wife?
Keep an eye on your friend. Sorry for your trouble and worries.

 

[reefraff]

If he hasn't already your friend needs to hire a lawyer.

 

[snakeblitz33]

That's tragic. I'm glad that he has a good friend like you.
I would also suggest him getting a lawyer and to figure out if he wants to get divorced to get custody of the kids, if he can.
I know of a lot of stories like this, unfortunately. I have no idea what these women are thinking to be honest - it's unreal.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweat90lx http:///t/392554/i-gotta-vent#post_3486505
One of my best friends in is a very bad situation. He has been married for 12 years and has 2 sons. His wife is appearently having a midlife crisis at 30, still very young.
She has lost a lot of weight and met a guy on the internet. He knew she had cheated and the guy had flew across the country to meet her, he forgave her and tried to mend things. He went on a road trip last week to buy car parts in Atlanta(4 hours away). He called me very upset and couldnt get ahold of her when he called to tell her he got the parts and was headed home. She didnt show up at work and his kids were not at daycare. I broke into his house and began a search as he wanted and found items he said they would not leave behind.
He called me later to tell me she had left and taken his kids to California(we live an hour from the east coast) to be with her internet boyfriend. I have called him every couple days to check on him and see if he needed anything.
Tonight he called me for the first time, we talked for a while and I went to his house. His world is destroyed and he has not been eating or sleeping very much. I brought him to my house and got him to eat what we cooked for supper. We talked for a while and he told me his feelings. He is still in love with her and wants her and their kids to come home. He also said her new boyfriend screens her calls and texts.
I only listened and told him to do what is best for his kids and what his heart tells him. I do not agree with what he wants but I support his choices. I emailed his wife and hope she will respond.
Im not sure what else to do. I am feeling his pain and hoping his kids are safe and are not forever gone.
Hi,
Friend....Life is full of drama, and it's a chore just living our own lives. Do not get yourself all wrapped up in your friends problem and go texting his wife. Leave her alone.
It is great that your friend has you to lean on while he goes thru his troubles, but aside from a shoulder to cry on, and offering to get him out if the house to occupy himself and regroup. Do not get yourself into his life problems. Divorces happen everyday, fighting for custody of the kids and the family dog happens everyday, and folks rekindling their marriage happens everyday. It is none of your business, and what he tells you is in confedence expressing his feelings...let him rant, cry or curse and you sit on your hands and not get involved. Take him to a ball game, get some dinner and keep him company so he isn't alone..introduce him to a nice girl, offer to help pay for a good divorce lawyer ...but stay out of his drama.
You don't know the wifes side, and it's none of your business anyway. You only know what he told you, and people hide private problems so knowing them both means nothing. Leave them alone to work it out or not for themselves. Trust me, she knows that he is sad and wants her back, she knows if he is mad and stalking her, she knows... so she doesn't need you to call her, text her or anything else.

 

[sweatervest13]

I kinda gotta + 1 on Flower's post...
Be there for your buddy, but try to reserve your comments for yourself. If they were to get back together you don't want you buddy to remember all the bad stuff you said about his wife.
Cheating Wh@e!!!

 

[darthtang aw]

Can i send the wife back and keep the kids....crazy wench is giving me a headache.
Darth (i will pay for the flight) Tang

 

[reefraff]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flower http:///t/392554/i-gotta-vent#post_3486560
Hi,
Friend....Life is full of drama, and it's a chore just living our own lives. Do not get yourself all wrapped up in your friends problem and go texting his wife. Leave her alone.
It is great that your friend has you to lean on while he goes thru his troubles, but aside from a shoulder to cry on, and offering to get him out if the house to occupy himself and regroup. Do not get yourself into his life problems. Divorces happen everyday, fighting for custody of the kids and the family dog happens everyday, and folks rekindling their marriage happens everyday. It is none of your business, and what he tells you is in confedence expressing his feelings...let him rant, cry or curse and you sit on your hands and not get involved. Take him to a ball game, get some dinner and keep him company so he isn't alone..introduce him to a nice girl, offer to help pay for a good divorce lawyer ...but stay out of his drama.
You don't know the wifes side, and it's none of your business anyway. You only know what he told you, and people hide private problems so knowing them both means nothing. Leave them alone to work it out or not for themselves. Trust me, she knows that he is sad and wants her back, she knows if he is mad and stalking her, she knows... so she doesn't need you to call her, text her or anything else.
There is no excuse for packing up the kids out of the blue and taking them to the new boyfriend's house in another state. I don't know about where this person lives but in California the woman can be prosecuted for kidnapping. He needs to talk to a lawyer.

 

[sweat90lx]

Flower you are right. It is none of my business and I wont speak badly of her because I dont know the whole story. I sent her an email(no call or text)because I want to know the kids are okay, have clothes, and are enrolled in school. I only want what is best for the kids.
He has a lawyer.
Darth that made me laugh, you sick twisted

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by reefraff http:///t/392554/i-gotta-vent#post_3486643
There is no excuse for packing up the kids out of the blue and taking them to the new boyfriend's house in another state. I don't know about where this person lives but in California the woman can be prosecuted for kidnapping. He needs to talk to a lawyer.
There is no excuse for cheating period. I never said the wife was right. The "friend" doesn't want a lawyer, he wants his wife back. I think it's often a stage a fellow goes thru before he gets properly enraged and files for divorce....but often they work it out and you the busybody becomes the new enemy, and you lose a friend.
I told OP to not get involved in their drama. I also mentioned he pay a lawyer for his buddy, sometimes the hurt party can't afford the lawyer...but that doesn't mean the wife was right. I said what I did because he is crazy to go texting her...my only advice is to stay out of their personal business and not go talking to the wife.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweat90lx http:///t/392554/i-gotta-vent#post_3486646
Flower you are right. It is none of my business and I wont speak badly of her because I dont know the whole story. I sent her an email(no call or text)because I want to know the kids are okay, have clothes, and are enrolled in school. I only want what is best for the kids.
He has a lawyer.
Darth that made me laugh, you sick twisted
My sons wife left him and took the children, I did the same thing and tried to talk to her..... I wanted to check on my grandkids. I also told her I was still Nana and to please not hold the kids back from me. I worded as ...I don't blame you, I'm not taking sides....I just want to see the kids
My son chewed me out...she worded that I had told her she was in the right and he was wrong..."even his own mother said so" (her words). It took my son months to get over it, and while he seems to have forgiven me...I have only seen the children twice. He has partime custody. He saw my exact words on the e-mail...he thinks as his mother I should take sides.
Now remember I'm his mother, he loves me. A friend butting in...I'm just saying...don't do it.

 

[sweat90lx]

Reefraff- He has got his lawyer taking the necessary steps.
Flower you are correct, he just wants his family back. I respect your advice and will not try to contact her again.
I do not want to get involved in their drama.
Sent from my ADR6425LVW using Tapatalk 2

 

[bubblegurl]

Sorry about your friend's heartache. Not sure why cheaters think the grass is greener, it never is! Be a friend, be there when needed, but don't get dragged into it! I left my husband for different reasons, but just as devastating at the time. I had (still have) a great friend who was there thru it all, my tears, anger, stupid talk and recovery. I asked a while ago why she stuck around as I know it had to be hard as a friend to watch and listen, she said "because you're my friend and I love you". She was scared for me at times, angry with me, frustrated, but she was always there and although she had small kids of her own, she would come over just to give me a hug. Be that person for your friend, he'll never forget it, regardless of the outcome of his marriage. Just don't judge what he says or does, it's the last thing he needs. If he says one day he's filing for divorce and then decides not to, let it be his choice and don't tell him what he should do. Keep him safe and from harming himself or doing harmful things...drinking, drugs, etc. all the best to you both!
It took me almost 3 years to leave my husband, and once I did, another 2 years to recover and I think I finally have healed, but that's because of how my kids now respond to the situation. They are ok now too. Just saying, it's not going to be easy for a while!

 

[sweat90lx]

Thanks bubblegurl.
I have told him I support whatever he decides to do. Some of our other friends have said things that were inappropriate and hateful.
When he caught her the first time he hit the window of his truck. It messed his hand up pretty good, so I don't think he will anything stupid like that again.
All I can do is keep checking on him and listen when he wants to talk.
Sent from my ADR6425LVW using Tapatalk 2

 

[bubblegurl]

It's hard to not be angry at her, especially when someone you care for is so hurt and anguished, it's ok, it's obviously very raw for everyone. My family was very hurt over my ex as he was like a son to them. They reached out many times after we split up which I was ok with, but well he had his own path to follow. People make mistakes, everyone deserves a second chance but no one deserves to be treated like a doormat either. You sound like a good person and great friend. He's lucky to have you!

 

[reefraff]

Something he needs to consider is if she established California residency she can file for divorce there and he'll be flying back and forth to deal with that. He REALLY needs to speak to a lawyer
The end.
Good luck, you are a good friend/

 

[sweat90lx]

Im not angry at her, just very disappointed. I have many mistakes in my life. If we learn from our mistakes, I should be a genius very soon. lol
We talked today and he seems to have a clear head and know what steps he needs to take for all his options.

 

[travelerjp98]

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweat90lx http:///t/392554/i-gotta-vent#post_3486810
Im not angry at her, just very disappointed. I have many mistakes in my life. If we learn from our mistakes, I should be a genius very soon. lol
We talked today and he seems to have a clear head and know what steps he needs to take for all his options.
That's good. Sounds like he's on the right track.

 

[sweat90lx]

reefraff- his lawyer has done what is needed to make sure it stays in Georgia. The best divorce lawyer around here is one of our friends stepdad.
I am concerned because he is willing to loose everything to get her back and doing what his heart is telling him. Im not sure how he will react otherwise.