Lawyers are complete dirtbags!!!

[mantisman51]

I am not an attorney and have no one close to me who is an attorney; so when I say the following, bear that in mind. Everyone hates attorneys...until they need one. I know there are scheisters, but when they are looking out for your interests against other attorneys, you take on a whole new appreciation of the "bottom-feeders". I had a rogue deputy dogging me because my car fit the general description of a car that a r@pe suspect had used. He hassled me at work, at home, would call me at all hours of the night and tell me what the "big guys" in prison were going to do to me, etc. I was 19 and a farm kid and was so scared I couldn't eat or sleep. I called a lawyer friend I had met at church and he got the dogs off me. Turns out, while the deputy (Franklin County, Ohio) was watching me at home one night, the rapist was caught after going back and raping one of his previous victims. I LOVED my lawyer!

 

[dondemi]

Just thought I would share this - Subject: Lawyers
1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren't working ... They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you (A)-go to lunch or (B)-read the newspaper?
8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Don't know. (There are some things a pig just won't do.)
15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.
17. Why does NY have the most lawyers in the country, while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
Do not STEAL.......... The government hates competition.

 

[meowzer]

That was cute

 

[prime311]

Originally Posted by reefraff
http:///forum/post/3019490
But every so often you have a client that will deserve to have it stuck to them. Back in the 80's I had a lawyer tell me about one case where the insurance company offered a settlement to a woman for something like 55% of policy limits. Wasn't enough so they (her and her hubby) went out and hired a lawyer. This guy was the lawyer they hired. He advised them to just pay him for his consultation time and take the settlement. But Nooooooooo, they wanted to go to court. He was a nice guy and broke out the calculator and explained the cold hard reality to them. Even if they went to court and won the max they would end up with about what the insurance was offering after paying fees and costs.

The insurance company most likely knew that already which is probably why they offered that amount in the first place.