Sorry for your loss. IMO you added the SSS too early. Im no expert, but until you got at least two years in dont add any star fish. I have a 125 with 3-5 inches of sand and at least 100 # of rock. My SSS is hard to find, you see a leg here or the center of him just below the surface over there.....very rare to see him moving on the surface of the sand or glass and never on the rocks. I havent tried to spot feed, didnt see the need. Everything Ive read, they eat small things in the sand including starfish, which I got a boat load of mutant starfish living in my tank. Im not sure of the name, but they are small 6 or 7 legged only 1/2 of the legs grow, weird looking things...........and the usual copepod and worm infestation, which Im not sure if they eat or not. But, Ive only had mine for 12 months, I hear your not successful until you got at least 18 months or more................just my .02. Good luck.