Need some advice....

btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
I'm in an odd situation and without going into a million details, we rent from my husband's step father. His mother has passed and the step father is really the only father he's had in his life, but also has never been fully accepted as a son.
Anyways, the wife of the step father is a B*TCH. Speaks to us like children, and is just down right disrespectful, condescending and mean. None of his children speak to him anymore because of her.
We're renting from them until our house is finished, which is taking way longer than expected. I'm at my breaking point with her. I feel that I just can't continue to allow her to treat us this way, etc. I'm not one to stay quiet, especially when being walked on, etc. She also does everything through post it notes which just annoys the daylights out of me.
Do I:
1) Grow up and let it be
2) Face to face talk
3) Letter
Thoughts?
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384041
I'm in an odd situation and without going into a million details, we rent from my husband's step father. His mother has passed and the step father is really the only father he's had in his life, but also has never been fully accepted as a son.
Anyways, the wife of the step father is a B*TCH. Speaks to us like children, and is just down right disrespectful, condescending and mean. None of his children speak to him anymore because of her.
We're renting from them until our house is finished, which is taking way longer than expected. I'm at my breaking point with her. I feel that I just can't continue to allow her to treat us this way, etc. I'm not one to stay quiet, especially when being walked on, etc. She also does everything through post it notes which just annoys the daylights out of me.
Do I:
1) Grow up and let it be
2) Face to face talk
3) Letter
Thoughts?
You don't have to eat her crap. Tell her how you feel in a respectful and calm way and just let the cards fall where they may. I would also talk to the stepdad too. Sometime people can have a blind spot about such things and he might not realize the issues the wife is causing. Couldn't hurt.
 
slice

slice

Active Member
It sounds to me like you still need them for a while longer, at least until the house is ready.
When the house IS ready, you may find no use for them at all.
Remember that karma is a b*tch. The step father's wife seems to be marinading in it.
Her poor behavior does not necessitate the same from you.
I believe sometimes one just has to be above the BS going around, if for no other reason,
to show others what proper behavior looks like.
And lastly, as Dr Wayne Dyer says:
"If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you."
-you will soon have that option.....
 
bionicarm

bionicarm

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384041
I'm in an odd situation and without going into a million details, we rent from my husband's step father. His mother has passed and the step father is really the only father he's had in his life, but also has never been fully accepted as a son.
Anyways, the wife of the step father is a B*TCH. Speaks to us like children, and is just down right disrespectful, condescending and mean. None of his children speak to him anymore because of her.
We're renting from them until our house is finished, which is taking way longer than expected. I'm at my breaking point with her. I feel that I just can't continue to allow her to treat us this way, etc. I'm not one to stay quiet, especially when being walked on, etc. She also does everything through post it notes which just annoys the daylights out of me.
Do I:
1) Grow up and let it be
2) Face to face talk
3) Letter
Thoughts?
Depends on how much control or 'pull' she has with your stepfather. If you tick her off by telling her how you really feel, does she have the power to evict you from your rental, forcing you to find alternative housing until your new house is ready? If so, I'd keep a tight lip until you can move out.
Other than that, it sounds like you're not the 'passive' type. If I have a problem with anyone, I tell them right to their face. Writing letters, post-it notes, emails, etc. is the cowardly approach if you ask me. "Grow up and let it be"? Depends on what the issues are. You can't change the way she is. Sounds like she's the one who needs to grow up.
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
Well, if needed be, I could move into the new place, even though it's not fully ready.
We are renting a basement apartment right next door to where we are moving, they live in the main part of the house. Unfortunately, this means we will continue to have contact with them, as they'll be our neighbors.
She is very controlling over the step father, but he's my fathers best friend and wouldn't kick us out either. He's the type of man that allows his wife to walk all over him, my husbands mother was just as horrid.
This woman makes my life miserable, and then expects us both to bend over backwards for anything she, or her precious daughter need. I absolutely am not a passive person, and do not tolerate disrespect, to anyone, especially when it is directed towards me or my family. Neither my husband or I have any intentions on having our children call them their grandparents, etc. So I'm not sure that it matters whether I flip out and they never speak to us again. If really need be, I could move tonight (anyone in The tri-state area want to help move the fish?)
I left a note on the kitchen counter this afternoon before leaving for work that simply stated: "I think we need to speak face to face as I find this note/post it writing very immature and condescending"
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator

I say beat the SH*T outta her



SEEEEE I AM FROM NEW YORK

In my perfect world, she would already be fish food in the East River....
 
crimzy

crimzy

Active Member
Let your husband handle it. This is his family and any waves you create are for him to deal with. I'm assuming that he is a big boy and should have the stones to handle his family business. If you make problems, it puts him in a tougher situation. JMO...
 
gemmy

gemmy

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by crimzy http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384081
Let your husband handle it. This is his family and any waves you create are for him to deal with. I'm assuming that he is a big boy and should have the stones to handle his family business. If you make problems, it puts him in a tougher situation. JMO...
I agree with Crimzy. I would try to arrange a face to face meeting with you, your husband, the stepfather and her. This way everyone can be aware of the situation. I would just let your husband lead the way with the discussion. If it all blows up, I can help move some tanks.
 
2quills

2quills

Well-Known Member
Just need to put her in her place one good time. People like that usually back off once they know they can't walk all over you.
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
My husband is super passive. Honestly, other than the fact that we needed a place to live until our house is ready, we have little to no use for them. He HATES his step-father. They barely talk, unless it's about one of the half brothers. When it comes to situations like this, he has me do all the talking. He's just not good with words or confrontations.
I'm biting my tongue at the moment, but once we move, sh*t is going to hit the fan and I'm going to let her have it. If I catch his step father alone in the mean time, I will make him aware of how pissed I am.
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemmy http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384212
I'm afraid to ask this but what is the newest ETA on the house?
Technically we could move in now, but there's still some misc. cr@p that needs to be done. By June 1, whether everything is done or not, we're out of this apartment. I think we're tiling the fish room this weekend. It's really US that got set back right now. We were in NYC and rear ended by a NYC Yellow Cab. Both of us have hurt backs now, so moving has been an issue.
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
I'd get in asap.....even if you had to stay in 1/2 the house.....better then putting up with some biotch
 
1guydude

1guydude

Well-Known Member
I can see how the post it thing would bother u BTL....That would drive me bonkers! I love how u left her a post it btw
. I agree with the other boys on here and that he should have some "stones" of his own and deal with this, if thats wat u wanna call em. U are just making the ride more bumpy by confronting the biotch!!!!! I say move now and never look back! I hate to see family like this cuz i think fam is very important. If it helps my fam bam is way messed up! LOL i dont know details or nothing but my fam is pretty wide spread id say. good luck and cant wait to see pics of the new place !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
darthtang aw

darthtang aw

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384041
I'm in an odd situation and without going into a million details, we rent from my husband's step father. His mother has passed and the step father is really the only father he's had in his life, but also has never been fully accepted as a son.
Anyways, the wife of the step father is a B*TCH. Speaks to us like children, and is just down right disrespectful, condescending and mean. None of his children speak to him anymore because of her.
We're renting from them until our house is finished, which is taking way longer than expected. I'm at my breaking point with her. I feel that I just can't continue to allow her to treat us this way, etc. I'm not one to stay quiet, especially when being walked on, etc. She also does everything through post it notes which just annoys the daylights out of me.
Do I:
1) Grow up and let it be
2) Face to face talk
3) Letter
Thoughts?
I find a swift front kick to the face ala Machita VS. Couture usually sends a good message.
Darth (To the point) Tang
 
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