Need some advice....

btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
LOL, again, in my perfect world!
I ended up telling the step father that if I have any further contact with his wife, well, he won't have one anymore. I think that made my point very clear. Apparently his other son, who barely speaks with him also told him this past week the reason why they have a strained relationship (her), so I think he got a double whammy from both of us. Maybe he'll take the rose colored glasses off now. I know, but I can hope, can't I?
 
S

smartorl

Guest
No offense to you but it would have had much more impact coming from his son. He sounds like a doormat and probably assumes your husband is one too since you are the one voicing the problem.
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
Think about the fact that you are living on their property, even if it is rent. This is your husband's family, he should handle it. Are you both on the same page about the problem and what should be done about it?
Given the situation, why would you build you home next to this family.....
 
S

siptang

Guest
Since it has gotten to this point, I would talk to her about it. Nicely at first of course but firmly, I usually forget some of the things i really wanted to say when I'm pissed so I make notes of what I want to say, may work for you may not :/
I say let her have it and let her face the reality that you are not her maid and that if she keeps on behaving this way, you guys will no longer be family. I mean there is no blood there at all.
Your husband has you and like wise. You don't really need that crap from 1.) someone who isn't better then you 2.) that you have no relation with 3.) anyone in that matter.
Hope all goes well!
P.S. - Building next to this family = bad idea.
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartorl http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384349
No offense to you but it would have had much more impact coming from his son. He sounds like a doormat and probably assumes your husband is one too since you are the one voicing the problem.
I agree. This is his step son. They don't really have a relationship other than that my husband came back to this area to help out with his younger brother who was into a lot of bad cr@p after his mother passed away. (There's a 10 year age difference between my husband and his brothers).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384354
Think about the fact that you are living on their property, even if it is rent. This is your husband's family, he should handle it. Are you both on the same page about the problem and what should be done about it?
Given the situation, why would you build you home next to this family.....
Because my family also lives here. We're moving into the home I grew up in. It's a good area and one of the few affordable areas on Long Island. A foreclosed home that needs a new roof and has moldy walls on this same street is still going for over $300,000. I did not want to raise my kids in some crumby neighborhood, nor was moving out of NYS an option since I work for the state. We'll also be living on an acre lot, with woods behind us, etc, which is almost unheard of on Long Island. I admit, it's not the ideal situation since we can't stand these people, but it was what was available, for the right price, etc. The only negative to this new house is that we'll be living next door to these people still. They also intend on moving in the next two years. She still owns her house from before they were married. Her daughter is just about done with HS here, and once she goes to college, this house is going on the market and they're moving into her home. So short term aggravation for long term gain.
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by crimzy http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice#post_3384081
Let your husband handle it. This is his family and any waves you create are for him to deal with. I'm assuming that he is a big boy and should have the stones to handle his family business. If you make problems, it puts him in a tougher situation. JMO...
I agree, non-confrontational or not. It is his family. What confounds me, is that the spouse would rather not get into a confrontation with someone else (in my case a complete stranger). While pissing off their own spouse. My wife is the same way, any time she has an issue with anything, she tries to make me handle it. (for the most part that isn't an issue) but it drives me nuts, when she's trying to start a business, and she wants me to handle any issues that might maybe be contentious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384356
I agree. This is his step son. They don't really have a relationship other than that my husband came back to this area to help out with his younger brother who was into a lot of bad cr@p after his mother passed away. (There's a 10 year age difference between my husband and his brothers).
Because my family also lives here. We're moving into the home I grew up in. It's a good area and one of the few affordable areas on Long Island. A foreclosed home that needs a new roof and has moldy walls on this same street is still going for over $300,000. I did not want to raise my kids in some crumby neighborhood, nor was moving out of NYS an option since I work for the state. We'll also be living on an acre lot, with woods behind us, etc, which is almost unheard of on Long Island. I admit, it's not the ideal situation since we can't stand these people, but it was what was available, for the right price, etc. The only negative to this new house is that we'll be living next door to these people still. They also intend on moving in the next two years. She still owns her house from before they were married. Her daughter is just about done with HS here, and once she goes to college, this house is going on the market and they're moving into her home. So short term aggravation for long term gain.
move to Texas lol, you should see the how you could live in for 300k...
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
I would agree with let the hubby handle it except for the fact he isn't and this is also a landlord situation. Sometimes it's better to let the spouse be the louse.
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
Well, it reached it's boiling point tonight. She got b*tchy with me after my note and got in my face about my need to talk to her. At which point, I verbally abused her and walked away. I think we're moving this weekend.......
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by meowzer http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384378
LOL...How freakin true is that......OK too....and not all is HICK HAHA
Yeah, but fortunately the non hick areas are easy to avoid...
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384558
Well, it reached it's boiling point tonight. She got b*tchy with me after my note and got in my face about my need to talk to her. At which point, I verbally abused her and walked away. I think we're moving this weekend.......
lol, you know the other option is to just stay, legally it is hard and expensive to evict someone. If you were the vindictive type... Make sure to stop paying rent too...
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384558
Well, it reached it's boiling point tonight. She got b*tchy with me after my note and got in my face about my need to talk to her. At which point, I verbally abused her and walked away. I think we're moving this weekend.......
I wouldn't break a leg to be out before the end of the month, you do pay rent right?
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
We do pay rent, but I don't trust them not to do something to my fish tank or dog, they're those kind of people. I'm not going to loose sleep over half a months rent, but I will if I'm here worrying about my belongings.
 
gemmy

gemmy

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTLDreef http:///forum/thread/385726/need-some-advice/20#post_3384657
We do pay rent, but I don't trust them not to do something to my fish tank or dog, they're those kind of people. I'm not going to loose sleep over half a months rent, but I will if I'm here worrying about my belongings.
And you have way more invested in your tank, dogs, and belongings than the rent that would be lost. Good luck!
 
reefraff

reefraff

Active Member
Don't know about the law in Jersey but in many states a landlord entering the rental without notice is a crime unless there is a emergency
 
btldreef

btldreef

Moderator
I'm in an illegal apartment to begin with (basement) in NY. Legally, he can't get rid of me without going through a lengthy process. There is no lease agreement, and we pay our rent in cash. He'd have to go through quite a lot to get us out. Luckily for him, his wife has made that part easier, we're leaving. June 1, I'm in my new house. Moved all our non-essentials tonight. Tiling this weekend.
 
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