parents divorcing, what the hell do i do?

[compjtc]

Unfortunately through my childhood I've gained a good amount of experience with both the topics pertinent to this thread. My parents' divorced when I was a freshman in high school. I can honestly say it was the best thing that could have happened given the situation. My little sisters have grown up in a much different environment than my brother and I. My little sisters weren't really old enough to fully understand the situation, and you might not either. I suppose my best advice is to trust that your mother will do what's best for you, and to know that if she doesn't there is other support available.

 

[tacoma38]

If he keeps getting hit on the police have got to be called..Also think if hes hitting him hes hitting mom!

 

[ric maniac]

my advice is to talk to friends on the phone or at school in a serious manner. some of them might be going throught the same thing (god forbid). im sorry about what happened

 

[ol'salty]

1st of all, sorry to here the news. 2nd, You stated that he did this to your brother too before you. You have zero fault in this matter. As said above, there are other issues that are probably not known to you between your mom and dad. I aslo agree with the mods that this is something that is hard to give advise on. Not to be blunt, but right now at this time, your Mom is doing what she has to do to protect you, your brother,and her. The events that have led to this seperation(the ones you know and don't know about) justify the seperation and is the best thing for you as a family. It will either get someone away from you that is hurting you, or make that person realize it is wrong. But also remember, he will always be your Dad and people do make mistakes and people do change. So don't burn any bridges that aren't necessary. And as far as your Dad telling you this is your fault, you need to tell your Mom about this now...right now. This is something that she needs to handle with him, not you. Your Dad is just lashing out at you because he is mad and scared. That doesn't make it right. What she did was her decision, not yours. And what led her to it was his decision to hit you, not yours. Heck you are barely in the equation of this incident. The most important thing for you to remember is this would have happened sooner or later with or without you being his target. My wife and I will be praying for you and your family and your Dad. Keep your head high, and your loved ones close and you will be ok....

 

[sharkboy13]

thnx for the thots guys, and thnx for the advice. firefish9 who originally posted in this thread is one of my good friends, so he knows and i know hes not goin thru this

 

[30-xtra high]

sounds a lil harsh... but try to replace your dad with your new soon to be girfriend :joy:

 

[sharkboy13]

Originally Posted by 30-xtra high
sounds a lil harsh... but try to replace your dad with your new soon to be girfriend :joy:
we can only hope that works

 

[1journeyman]

Originally Posted by 30-xtra high
sounds a lil harsh... but try to replace your dad with your new soon to be girfriend :joy:
Trying to replace a dysfunctional relationship between a child and parent with a girlfriend/boyfriend is not a recipe for emotional stability...

 

[rackyrane]

Sharkboy,
First of all, this is in no way your fault. NO PARENT HAS AN EXCUSE TO BEAT A CHILD! All of us parents get angry with our children, but the correct response is to walk away and cool off. You need to be and feel safe. Do you have a counselor at school that you can talk to or a family member that you feel safe with? Talk to them and your mother. Best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[lazypinoy]

by snippy what did u actutally do? and what did ur dad do exactly?

 

[whyamisofl]

My parents divorced on my 18th birthday....cops were called and the whole deal. My dad was abusive to me and my mother. I started to fight back when I was 16 and a couple years later, got into a REAL fight with him. Cops were called, he was taken to the hospital for numerous things, and court was set for the next day. He was hit with child abuse and I put a restraining order against him.
All in all, divorce was the best thing for my parents. I do not talk with my dad anymore, nor do I want to. The last time I saw him was going against him in court.
Your dad has some serious issues and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT take blame for anything that has happened. I did the same thing when it first happened until I found out about all the other underlying issues. My bedroom was directly above my parents, so anytime they would fight, I would hear it. .....but there was still more to it that I just found out about recently.........
Best of luck dude, if you need any help or just want to talk, hit me up on yahoo messenger - freestylefly or email me - whyamisofly AT gmail DOT com
I am serious.......I know what you are going through and we are all here to help.

 

[30-xtra high]

Originally Posted by 1journeyman
Trying to replace a dysfunctional relationship between a child and parent with a girlfriend/boyfriend is not a recipe for emotional stability...
well i see boyfriend/girlfriends as half a family member, and right now shrakboy+mom+bro+dad= 4
Sharkboy+mom+bro=3
Sharkboy+mom+bro+gf= 3.5,
i still think she'd keep his mind busy.

 

[wright824]

It is never the childs fault for their parents divorce. EVER remember that. When parents split anger and rage between them steps in and everyone gets blamed for what happened. When my husband and i split, he took it out on my boys. He set them up to "get in trouble" with me. He would have them do things he knew i didn't approve of. Have them spy on me. The went along for awhile until they saw for them selves that he was using them to get to me. You need to stay neutral. it is very hard to do but you must stay out of THEIR fight. it is not yours. What help my boys was seeing a counclor. This person was just their for them to talk things out in the open with and didn't take sides with me or my ex. My ex was verbally abusive to me. It then started to get physically abusive. When he threw me through a wall...yes through a wall, that was it. I knew i had to get out before he started on my boys. The boys had visitation with him every other weekend and that eventually stopped. He had promised them the world if they would do things just to tick me off and keep him informed of what i was doing. They finally saw what was happening and when they had to make a decision on who to live with, they stayed with me and he dropped all contact with them. It has been 7 years since my oldest son has seen him. He doesn't even send birthday cards to them.
I sounds to me like him hitting you was the last straw for her. She is probably protecting you in her own way. Don't let anyone ever say it is your fault. Your dad is mad and has his pride hurt that his wife is living him, and like most people (male or female) do want to admit it is their fault or that they couldn't make their marriage work. To some it is an embarrasement (as the case in my ex) that their spouse chooses to get out because they are not happy. No one should live in an abusive relationship - spouses or children. It wasn't until just recently that my boys both admitted that I had done the right thing. They thought that they way we fought that we were going to kill each other. my youger son told me he used to cry himself to sleep because we were fighting... i didn't know this at the time. It was a long hard road but we all came through pretty good. Both my boys are in college now and one wants to be a PE teacher and the other a lawyer. I have remarried and they have now 2- half sisters (but dont ever call them half sisters in front of them-they ARE their sisters) and they think of their step-father as their own father...and their is no more yelling or hitting.
good luck and get a counclor

 

[sharkboy13]

Originally Posted by LazyPinoy
by snippy what did u actutally do? and what did ur dad do exactly?
well my dad got mad at me when i changed the screensaver on my profile on the comp and he wanted to change it, i told him i could have it they way i wanted and he said he didnt want it that way. then my great aunt said " just let him use it, he wont do anything bad" and me being stupid said "stay out of it plz" and thats when he said "u treat ur elders w/ respect!" and punched me in the stomach and chest.

 

[beth]

Are you hurt, or bruised? Did you fall down or get the wind knocked out of you? Are you ok now?
People here give a lot of advise, including me. No one can actually know what to say or advise you to do, except that whatever happened, you didn't deserve to be punched, and whatever happens from now on, you are not to blame. Adults are responsible for what happens to the family, not kids. That is one sure truth that is universal in all situations.

 

[sharkboy13]

Originally Posted by Beth
Are you hurt, or bruised? Did you fall down or get the wind knocked out of you? Are you ok now?
the wind got knocked out of me thats it, im not bruised or nothing

 

[beth]

Good to hear that you're ok.

 

[lazypinoy]

Originally Posted by Sharkboy13
well my dad got mad at me when i changed the screensaver on my profile on the comp and he wanted to change it, i told him i could have it they way i wanted and he said he didnt want it that way. then my great aunt said " just let him use it, he wont do anything bad" and me being stupid said "stay out of it plz" and thats when he said "u treat ur elders w/ respect!" and punched me in the stomach and chest.
oh man, i hope ur kew (alright). well i guess i dont kno whos fault it was then. i say i dont kno because im raised in a culture where the treat ur elders w/respect is greatly emphasized (filipino culture) and me doing tsomething that u did... well lets just say its more than a few punches. its funny though that other cultures like mexicans, blacks, asian, have their kids are used to being physically punished and such and well i heard white people use the time out method and to be physically punished or so diciplined is such a big shock for their kids. sorry for the rant but i i hope everything works out for you though. maybe a sorry could fix everything you kno?

 

[hot883]

I'm glad you are ok too. But as a child if I EVER disrespected anyone alot worse happened to me. As a parent we can only stand so much. Most kids are seriously disrespectful anyway. it's the way they get raised. It should not be that way. Parents fault for not correcting it as it was happening and kids fault for being stupid and feeling the world owes them something. Violant video games does not help. Again, parents problem. Garbage in, garbage out!
Parents do not get divorced because of kids.

 

[stephish]

Sharkboy glad you're ok physically, please make sure you have someone to talk to about this so you don't wrestle with it yourself. This is a pretty hefty thing for someone so young to have to deal with, know that we'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best!