dawndawnhpu
New Member
1
Please Help Me I'm lost In More Than One Way ;(-Dawn
- Thread starter dawndawnhpu
- Start date
scott t
Active Member
I am New To SWF also, My Advice to you is to Read and Research. I have been doing this for about a year now and I think that now I am prepared to start my Tank. I am not saying it will take you a year to Research all this, but for me it has been the financial thing also that has taken the year to get all of it going. There are many, I mean Many, People here at SWF.com that are willing to help you through the process. The best place to start here is in the New Hobbyists Forum. There is a few post at the top that will get you started on your way to SWF. Then when you are done there ask questions. I think the only Stupid Question there is, is the one that goes unasked.
Welcome to SWF.com and Good Luck to you =)
Welcome to SWF.com and Good Luck to you =)
btldreef
Moderator
Okay, I have to say this:
Please do not get into this hobby if it's just another way to remind you of your ex. IMO, you need to ditch both guys and start clean, you can't start clean and forget about the ex if your with the guy that you cheated on him with. There will always be an attachment to both, if you get what I mean. I've been through EXACTLY what you're going through. Leave both, there are other fish in the sea, trust me. I would never have met my wonderful husband if I didn't want away from both men at the time that I did. I think you really need to experience being alone and single for awhile and get your sh*t together and then go from there. Not trying to preach, but I've been there and it's not easy. By being with the other guy, you're taking the easy road, and not moving on. Leave both, live life alone with your friends to support you, learn who YOU are, not who you are with other people. While you're single, figure out some stuff, what you want, who you want to be, etc and most of all, forgive yourself for what you've done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott T http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300826
I am New To SWF also, My Advice to you is to Read and Research. I have been doing this for about a year now and I think that now I am prepared to start my Tank. I am not saying it will take you a year to Research all this, but for me it has been the financial thing also that has taken the year to get all of it going. There are many, I mean Many, People here at SWF.com that are willing to help you through the process. The best place to start here is in the New Hobbyists Forum. There is a few post at the top that will get you started on your way to SWF. Then when you are done there ask questions. I think the only Stupid Question there is, is the one that goes unasked.
Welcome to SWF.com and Good Luck to you =)
+1, read and research everything, then ask questions to everything that makes no sense (which will be a lot of stuff).
So, some questions:
Are you prepared for how much this hobby costs? seriously. most people are not
Do you want a fish only tank or a reef, or a mixed reef?
Where do you live? Are there many good stores (not *****) near your or are you going to have to order everything online?
Please do not get into this hobby if it's just another way to remind you of your ex. IMO, you need to ditch both guys and start clean, you can't start clean and forget about the ex if your with the guy that you cheated on him with. There will always be an attachment to both, if you get what I mean. I've been through EXACTLY what you're going through. Leave both, there are other fish in the sea, trust me. I would never have met my wonderful husband if I didn't want away from both men at the time that I did. I think you really need to experience being alone and single for awhile and get your sh*t together and then go from there. Not trying to preach, but I've been there and it's not easy. By being with the other guy, you're taking the easy road, and not moving on. Leave both, live life alone with your friends to support you, learn who YOU are, not who you are with other people. While you're single, figure out some stuff, what you want, who you want to be, etc and most of all, forgive yourself for what you've done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott T http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300826
I am New To SWF also, My Advice to you is to Read and Research. I have been doing this for about a year now and I think that now I am prepared to start my Tank. I am not saying it will take you a year to Research all this, but for me it has been the financial thing also that has taken the year to get all of it going. There are many, I mean Many, People here at SWF.com that are willing to help you through the process. The best place to start here is in the New Hobbyists Forum. There is a few post at the top that will get you started on your way to SWF. Then when you are done there ask questions. I think the only Stupid Question there is, is the one that goes unasked.
Welcome to SWF.com and Good Luck to you =)
+1, read and research everything, then ask questions to everything that makes no sense (which will be a lot of stuff).
So, some questions:
Are you prepared for how much this hobby costs? seriously. most people are not
Do you want a fish only tank or a reef, or a mixed reef?
Where do you live? Are there many good stores (not *****) near your or are you going to have to order everything online?
flower
Well-Known Member
Hi,
Welcome to SWF.
I just have to ask this, and I swear I'm not trying to be mean...Was your old boyfriend named Alzika? I ask because his girlfriend of 6 years cheated on him, and he posted a long letter like you did on the first post. His new girlfriend went to jail too....Or are really Alzika and just wanted to see how we would answer if you were a girl and the coin was flipped so to speak?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnDawnHPU http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300820
Okay, So my name is Dawn and I need your help. I really want to start a salt water aquarium, but I am clueless as to where to start. You see I dated this guy for 6 years and we decided to get a salt water aquarium together. We had this together, a dog, and other animals. It has been so hard to want to invest my time into the same things again after we did these things together. I loveee animals sometimes more than others, and I want a salt water aquarium again, but it just brings up the memories. Long story short I mean loooong story, but I made a mistake that I have been beaten myself up for, for years. The guy that I dated was good for me, but when I went away to college he changed. I made the mistake of getting close to another guy as a friend and I cheated on him. It's not like me to do that kind of thing. I needed a friend not someone to be with physically, and I felt that I had lost that with my ex. Instead I tried to make friends with someone else and it went to far. I went from being a marine biology major to psychology that it how much it changed me. When I told him and we broke up I felt like me heart was ripped out. Every song, every food, everything that I did it reminded me of him. After changing my major and deciding to be a psychologist I realized why I had made the mistake. I made it because moving was a hard change for me and that I missed home, my family, my boyfriend, and I made irrational choices. What do you do when you learn from your mistakes, but it is too late to fix them? You can't do anything and that is a hard reality of life. I moved back home to be with him I begged I pleaded and he did not want me anymore. So finally I moved on to be with the guy that I had cheated with. Partially, because he had been there for me to listen about how much I missed my ex and he listened to me about all of the emotional and physical abuse I endured as a child. Later my ex decides that he does want to be with me and then I was truly torn. I got to listen to my ex tell me about his new girlfriend that was arrested, and how he went to jail, and all of this crap that made me sooo upset, I guess you could say that apart of me has always missed my ex, but I was afraid to take that leap again. He went from being stable to unstable just like I did. I knew what he was going through and that he was not ready to be with me. Needless to say I have been accepted to grad school to be a clinical psychologist, but I am delaying it a year to get some experience. I am still dating the guy that I cheated with and he is soo good to me. Even though he is good to me why do I still think of my ex, why is it hard to start new things WHY? Will it be like this forever? My friends say that I should be with the current guy I am with because he is stable, he has an amazing career and he loves me unconditionally. My ex is unstable, now moved on to being with whoever will show him the time of day because he is insecure, and has really lost it. Even though one seem like more of a logical choice I of coarse hesitate. I never knew that writting in a forum could feel so good and in a way writing this has taken off a huge weight on my heart. I know its crazy to write a story like this in a salt water aquarium forum, but I have to start somewhere. I have to be honest with myself and I think that I need to forgive myself for the mistakes that I have made. Which is hard because I always looked at myself as the good one, the girl who stayed at home with her parents on a Friday night, never drinking, partying, or being with guys like well you know. Anyways, my ex did everything on the tank and I don't know where to start again. ANY advice? I think that I would like to start with a 55 gallon tank, but then again I don't know what is best. Thanks to all of those that have the patience to read this long entry
-Dawn
Welcome to SWF.
I just have to ask this, and I swear I'm not trying to be mean...Was your old boyfriend named Alzika? I ask because his girlfriend of 6 years cheated on him, and he posted a long letter like you did on the first post. His new girlfriend went to jail too....Or are really Alzika and just wanted to see how we would answer if you were a girl and the coin was flipped so to speak?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnDawnHPU http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300820
Okay, So my name is Dawn and I need your help. I really want to start a salt water aquarium, but I am clueless as to where to start. You see I dated this guy for 6 years and we decided to get a salt water aquarium together. We had this together, a dog, and other animals. It has been so hard to want to invest my time into the same things again after we did these things together. I loveee animals sometimes more than others, and I want a salt water aquarium again, but it just brings up the memories. Long story short I mean loooong story, but I made a mistake that I have been beaten myself up for, for years. The guy that I dated was good for me, but when I went away to college he changed. I made the mistake of getting close to another guy as a friend and I cheated on him. It's not like me to do that kind of thing. I needed a friend not someone to be with physically, and I felt that I had lost that with my ex. Instead I tried to make friends with someone else and it went to far. I went from being a marine biology major to psychology that it how much it changed me. When I told him and we broke up I felt like me heart was ripped out. Every song, every food, everything that I did it reminded me of him. After changing my major and deciding to be a psychologist I realized why I had made the mistake. I made it because moving was a hard change for me and that I missed home, my family, my boyfriend, and I made irrational choices. What do you do when you learn from your mistakes, but it is too late to fix them? You can't do anything and that is a hard reality of life. I moved back home to be with him I begged I pleaded and he did not want me anymore. So finally I moved on to be with the guy that I had cheated with. Partially, because he had been there for me to listen about how much I missed my ex and he listened to me about all of the emotional and physical abuse I endured as a child. Later my ex decides that he does want to be with me and then I was truly torn. I got to listen to my ex tell me about his new girlfriend that was arrested, and how he went to jail, and all of this crap that made me sooo upset, I guess you could say that apart of me has always missed my ex, but I was afraid to take that leap again. He went from being stable to unstable just like I did. I knew what he was going through and that he was not ready to be with me. Needless to say I have been accepted to grad school to be a clinical psychologist, but I am delaying it a year to get some experience. I am still dating the guy that I cheated with and he is soo good to me. Even though he is good to me why do I still think of my ex, why is it hard to start new things WHY? Will it be like this forever? My friends say that I should be with the current guy I am with because he is stable, he has an amazing career and he loves me unconditionally. My ex is unstable, now moved on to being with whoever will show him the time of day because he is insecure, and has really lost it. Even though one seem like more of a logical choice I of coarse hesitate. I never knew that writting in a forum could feel so good and in a way writing this has taken off a huge weight on my heart. I know its crazy to write a story like this in a salt water aquarium forum, but I have to start somewhere. I have to be honest with myself and I think that I need to forgive myself for the mistakes that I have made. Which is hard because I always looked at myself as the good one, the girl who stayed at home with her parents on a Friday night, never drinking, partying, or being with guys like well you know. Anyways, my ex did everything on the tank and I don't know where to start again. ANY advice? I think that I would like to start with a 55 gallon tank, but then again I don't know what is best. Thanks to all of those that have the patience to read this long entry
-Dawn
S
smartorl
Guest
One word.........hmmmm.
Hope I'm wrong!
Hope I'm wrong!
meowzer
Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartorl http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300885
One word.........hmmmm.
Hope I'm wrong!
dawndawnhpu
New Member
Okay seriously, I cannot believe the one forum I come to my ex is already here. BLAHHH. I went to the forum and typed Alzika and there was a nice letter about how much I suck along with the rest of his issues. I don't think I should have to leave, but I would appreciate no one letting him know I'm here. I have been through enough already and having contact with him would only hurt me more. The last think I need right now is to quit doing something else because of him. Additionally, I do know how much this cost. I am finally in a financial situation where I can afford to start this again. I helped my ex purchase the tank he has now and so I know it can be a lot. Having a salt water tank I think would be very therapeutic for me. Because it is so time consuming I will have something to do to keep me busy, but at the same time doing something that I love.
dawndawnhpu
New Member
Also I would like a mixed tank with both fish and corals. If I get a 55 gallon tank should I purchase the live rock first and then the fish, etc. I know that it takes some time until the fish can go into the tank, and I do not want to kill expensive fish. Can I put the corals in the tank to begin with also? I went to this one fish store and the guy was completely useless. The guy told me to grab some sand, some live rock, but gave me no specifics.
reefraff
Active Member
Best suggestion I could give you if this is all genuine would be to contact a mod to see if you can create a new account and start over from scratch. If you stick to the subject at hand, reef tanks and don't mention the personal stuff there is no reason for the other party to ever know who you are.
hunt
Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnDawnHPU http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300900
Also I would like a mixed tank with both fish and corals. If I get a 55 gallon tank should I purchase the live rock first and then the fish, etc. I know that it takes some time until the fish can go into the tank, and I do not want to kill expensive fish. Can I put the corals in the tank to begin with also? I went to this one fish store and the guy was completely useless. The guy told me to grab some sand, some live rock, but gave me no specifics.
First you need to set the tank up with water sand and live rock and wait for it to cycle. (which can take a a few weeks) untill you add anything. Also, please do as much reaserch on the fish you want as you can. I cant tell you how many times ive seen people with way over stocked tanks and things like tangs and triggers in 55g tanks. The more research you do before starting the tank the better. A good rule of thumb for how much live rock you need is around 1lb/ gallon, but it doesnt neeissarily have to be that much, a few inches of sand/live sand is ok IMO.
Originally Posted by DawnDawnHPU http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300900
Also I would like a mixed tank with both fish and corals. If I get a 55 gallon tank should I purchase the live rock first and then the fish, etc. I know that it takes some time until the fish can go into the tank, and I do not want to kill expensive fish. Can I put the corals in the tank to begin with also? I went to this one fish store and the guy was completely useless. The guy told me to grab some sand, some live rock, but gave me no specifics.
First you need to set the tank up with water sand and live rock and wait for it to cycle. (which can take a a few weeks) untill you add anything. Also, please do as much reaserch on the fish you want as you can. I cant tell you how many times ive seen people with way over stocked tanks and things like tangs and triggers in 55g tanks. The more research you do before starting the tank the better. A good rule of thumb for how much live rock you need is around 1lb/ gallon, but it doesnt neeissarily have to be that much, a few inches of sand/live sand is ok IMO.
S
smartorl
Guest
Quote:
Originally Posted by reefraff http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300904
Best suggestion I could give you if this is all genuine would be to contact a mod to see if you can create a new account and start over from scratch. If you stick to the subject at hand, reef tanks and don't mention the personal stuff there is no reason for the other party to ever know who you are.
Unless this was purely an attempt to gain his attention which is what I expect (or is him?).......I sincerely hope I'm wrong but my radar is going off!
She/he wants to start a tank, ok, there is a wealth of information here, however, I have never seen someone spill their life story. It had zero relevance.
Seriously, if this is a childish game, don't waste people's time.
Originally Posted by reefraff http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300904
Best suggestion I could give you if this is all genuine would be to contact a mod to see if you can create a new account and start over from scratch. If you stick to the subject at hand, reef tanks and don't mention the personal stuff there is no reason for the other party to ever know who you are.
Unless this was purely an attempt to gain his attention which is what I expect (or is him?).......I sincerely hope I'm wrong but my radar is going off!
She/he wants to start a tank, ok, there is a wealth of information here, however, I have never seen someone spill their life story. It had zero relevance.
Seriously, if this is a childish game, don't waste people's time.
meowzer
Moderator
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartorl http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3300959
Unless this was purely an attempt to gain his attention which is what I expect (or is him?).......I sincerely hope I'm wrong but my radar is going off!
She/he wants to start a tank, ok, there is a wealth of information here, however, I have never seen someone spill their life story. It had zero relevance.
Seriously, if this is a childish game, don't waste people's time.
+1....I also am finding it hard to believe that your first post...like Alzikas....spilled out your life story...I have been on here over 2 years....and yup I have a lot of posts....and I can guarantee you...I would never post some of the issues in my life
why not go on Jerry Springer....LOL....or Judge Judy
flower
Well-Known Member
Hi,
The very first purchase should be a saltwater aquarium book so that you have the very basics. One that is very easy to understand and in plain English is the saltwater aquariums for dummies. Once you have the basics we can guide you on exactly what equipment that will work for what you want and with your budget.
Keeping a tank is not all consuming. There is a whole lot of waiting, you wait for the tank to cycle, you wait to afford/or for it to arrive some piece of equipment or fish, you wait to see if the critter is going to make it and work out…patients is the main ingredient for success in this hobby. Just jumping in is expensive and heartbreaking and not to mention the headaches.
+1000 On starting again.
The very first purchase should be a saltwater aquarium book so that you have the very basics. One that is very easy to understand and in plain English is the saltwater aquariums for dummies. Once you have the basics we can guide you on exactly what equipment that will work for what you want and with your budget.
Keeping a tank is not all consuming. There is a whole lot of waiting, you wait for the tank to cycle, you wait to afford/or for it to arrive some piece of equipment or fish, you wait to see if the critter is going to make it and work out…patients is the main ingredient for success in this hobby. Just jumping in is expensive and heartbreaking and not to mention the headaches.
+1000 On starting again.
pezenfuego
Active Member
The Conscientious Marine Aquarist
I don't know about SWF for Dummies, but I'll trust Flower on that one. Those would be some good ones to check out if you have a public library.
One thing I used to do when figuring out a stocklist was to pull up EVERYTHING in SWF.com's store and just exit out of things I didn't want. Then I would exit out of things that weren't reefsafe, and then things too large, incompatible, and so on. Eventually I would end up with a list of critters that I wanted for a stocklist. That seemed to work pretty well and pretty quickly. One of the hardest parts of this hobby is finding a good fish store. Look around. Another piece of advice for that is to compile a list of questions to ask them. Make sure to throw in some questions that you know the answer to. This will help validate the advice you are being given.
On a sidenote, I don't know why anyone would type this much if they weren't being genuine. Nothing you wrote was humorous.
Stick around. You can help me create more drama in this forum. Everyone on here loves that, they're just too stubborn to admit it.
I don't know about SWF for Dummies, but I'll trust Flower on that one. Those would be some good ones to check out if you have a public library.
One thing I used to do when figuring out a stocklist was to pull up EVERYTHING in SWF.com's store and just exit out of things I didn't want. Then I would exit out of things that weren't reefsafe, and then things too large, incompatible, and so on. Eventually I would end up with a list of critters that I wanted for a stocklist. That seemed to work pretty well and pretty quickly. One of the hardest parts of this hobby is finding a good fish store. Look around. Another piece of advice for that is to compile a list of questions to ask them. Make sure to throw in some questions that you know the answer to. This will help validate the advice you are being given.
On a sidenote, I don't know why anyone would type this much if they weren't being genuine. Nothing you wrote was humorous.
Stick around. You can help me create more drama in this forum. Everyone on here loves that, they're just too stubborn to admit it.
flower
Well-Known Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by PEZenfuego http:///forum/thread/379677/please-help-me-i-m-lost-in-more-than-one-way-dawn#post_3301018
The Conscientious Marine Aquarist
I don't know about SWF for Dummies, but I'll trust Flower on that one. Those would be some good ones to check out if you have a public library.
One thing I used to do when figuring out a stocklist was to pull up EVERYTHING in SWF.com's store and just exit out of things I didn't want. Then I would exit out of things that weren't reefsafe, and then things too large, incompatible, and so on. Eventually I would end up with a list of critters that I wanted for a stocklist. That seemed to work pretty well and pretty quickly. One of the hardest parts of this hobby is finding a good fish store. Look around. Another piece of advice for that is to compile a list of questions to ask them. Make sure to throw in some questions that you know the answer to. This will help validate the advice you are being given.
On a sidenote, I don't know why anyone would type this much if they weren't being genuine. Nothing you wrote was humorous.
Stick around. You can help me create more drama in this forum. Everyone on here loves that, they're just too stubborn to admit it.
Hi,
I have that book too and it's great, but the dummies book is even easier to understand. I love drama...but I don't like fighting.