stay at home fathers...

[renogaw]

Wifey and i had a really interesting talk last night (after i apologized for being a COMPLETE arse yesterday morning). She's taking 6 months off when our baby is born. She's getting disability paychecks and benefits through her company for that long.
After that, we have to make a decision. She's a darned good computer programmer, and has made moves where she's gotten 5 figure raises. She's currently making 1.75-2x what i make. So we're looking at our finances, and we don't feel we can live off of what i make for very long. She's going to talk to her boss and see if she can do the programming from home (as she does when there's issues, when on call, or snow days, etc) full time, and maybe bring in a baby sitter for a couple hours during the after noon.
the other option, if she cannot work from home, was for her to go back to work and me stay home. I was a little taken aback about this, because i'm the "man" of the relationship, and should be the breadwinner and such and take care of my family. (yea, boot me back to the 70's PLEASE). I guess i could try to do something from home, but i don't know how much i'd like her missing out on all the "mother" things she and our daughter should be doing.
should i get my mind out of the stone age and not be so against this?

 

[jennythebugg]

you should really take advantage of that if you can , not many men get the opportunity to be the nurturer(sp) mmy mother is in IT so she makes more than my dad so my dad gave notice at his hospice job and is studying for his rabbi tests ,he was uncomfortable with it at first as well but once you swallow the big pride pill you will see whats best for the family and it will all become natural- besides all day with a baby - i couldnt think of a better way to spend a day

 

[ruaround]

get outta the stone ages bro... the corporate world is geared towards females right now and will be for another couple years... i stepped down from my career after my second was born and was a stay at home dad... it was freakin GREAT and i wouldnt have traded it for anything!!! you can always go back to your career... you can never go back to your child's youth...

 

[m0nk]

Originally Posted by renogaw
Wifey and i had a really interesting talk last night (after i apologized for being a COMPLETE arse yesterday morning). She's taking 6 months off when our baby is born. She's getting disability paychecks and benefits through her company for that long.
After that, we have to make a decision. She's a darned good computer programmer, and has made moves where she's gotten 5 figure raises. She's currently making 1.75-2x what i make. So we're looking at our finances, and we don't feel we can live off of what i make for very long. She's going to talk to her boss and see if she can do the programming from home (as she does when there's issues, when on call, or snow days, etc) full time, and maybe bring in a baby sitter for a couple hours during the after noon.
the other option, if she cannot work from home, was for her to go back to work and me stay home. I was a little taken aback about this, because i'm the "man" of the relationship, and should be the breadwinner and such and take care of my family. (yea, boot me back to the 70's PLEASE). I guess i could try to do something from home, but i don't know how much i'd like her missing out on all the "mother" things she and our daughter should be doing.
should i get my mind out of the stone age and not be so against this?
Personally, I would have liked to do this when my ex-wife and I were still together. At the time she had the potential to make more than I did and the fact that she ended up staying home eventually played into the reason we're not together anymore... she developed postpartum depression and had some "problems". I wouldn't worry about the "breadwinner" thing much either, it certainly doesn't matter these days, and she won't miss mother-and-daughter things since that stuff doesn't really pick up for many years anyway, imo.
I do also have a unique perspective, too, because I'm a single dad, which is sort of the reverse of the common trend among divorced parents. Although I work, I'm also the main parental figure in my son's life and this is something I wouldn't trade for the world. People look at me funny sometimes when I mention it, but overall they're definitely amazed that I am (and want to be) that involved. You'll definitely get some praise if you choose to be the stay-at-home dad.

 

[shogun323]

I would live for being a stay at home dad. Think about it. You will never have to get out of your PJ's or shave!!! You can also improve on your gaming skills!!!

 

[rylan1]

think about all the time you can work on your tank(s). If I were you I would do it. Being a man and a father is more than just bringing home the bacon. I'm not sure what you do for a living but this is a better decision for your family. Allowing her to make $ and taking a lesser financial role doesn't dimminish your role as the man of the house ... this would be a better family decision to let her work. Now with the time, perhaps you can find something partime that you enjoy more... Besides your kid will be in school soon enough and you can return to the 9-5 workforce if you choose.

 

[renogaw]

7-5 for the past 13 years, 9-5 would be sweet LOL.
i spoke a while back to the head of one of my sister companies about setting up an online eCommerce site for three of our branches. I think i'll talk to him again about doing this, it's something i can do from home once i figre out how to do web pages hehe.
I know its in my head, but i'm semi old school so a tad against it. guess though that it's not all that bad of an idea, and what's best for the family should be fine with me no matter what it is i guess

 

[perfectdark]

Dude... I could only pray that my wife would make more than I do so I could be a stay at home dad.. I got no issues with laundry or cleaning the house... I would definatly look at this as an option. The only thing I would regret is the mother child bond that naturally occurs. Things that as a dad you love to hear about but as a mother would want to experience. Dont get me wrong given the choice I would of loved to of been there to hear my daughter swear for the first time at 18 months, but hearing about it was good for me. Moms dont see things that way and in a sense feel a bit cheated if they miss those moments where their children do things for the first time. just my 2 cents.

 

[renogaw]

that's what i want her to have. that's my biggest argument for her staying with the kid.

 

[perfectdark]

Originally Posted by renogaw
that's what i want her to have. that's my biggest argument for her staying with the kid.
I can see your issue... and IMO its a tough one... but if my wife made 1.75 times what I made.................................Sorry I got lost in a fantasy.... I would have a video camrea in every room running 24/7 and send that woman to work...

 

[kerriann]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with the way you feel about this. It's completely normal for a guy to feel that he's responsible for doing the "man things" and we're to tend to the "mother things" and while most of us women are so against this point of view we're lying through our teeth. Deep down inside when it finally processes we realize it's just that "protective" instict you men are equipped with and, to me, I think that's the sweetest thing in the world.
Now, in my opinion, I'd have to suggest finding a way to try it because while it may possibly be the "best" option for your family if you're not 100% ok with it after a bit you're probably never going to be ok with it. Yes times have changed and roles have reversed but some things are just set to make us feel uncomfortable. I'm a tall girl (5'10") and I cannot date a guy shorter than me. I've tried it but I'm just completely insecure about it and that's just me. And while the majority of guys in Pittsburgh seem to be shorter than or just about equal to me it took some extra work to find someone that I'm comfortable with and happy with. Bottom line: if you're not completely ok with it then it's ok to say no and find another alternative. There's always another option

 

[perfectdark]

Originally Posted by KerriAnn
I'm a tall girl (5'10") and I cannot date a guy shorter than me. I've tried it but I'm just completely insecure about it and that's just me. And while the majority of guys in Pittsburgh seem to be shorter than or just about equal to me it took some extra work to find someone that I'm comfortable with and happy with.
Damn it.... alright guys Im out....

jk jk.....

 

[lovethesea]

Originally Posted by shogun323
I would live for being a stay at home dad. Think about it. You will never have to get out of your PJ's or shave!!! You can also improve on your gaming skills!!!

uhhh.......if you don't get out of your jammies or shave it will be because you were too busy with the newborn. I was lucky if I had my shower by 4pm when I was home with a newborn

 

[lovethesea]

Originally Posted by renogaw
that's what i want her to have. that's my biggest argument for her staying with the kid.

if she is already taking 6 months off with pay, you can work for those 6months. SHe will have tons of baby time, and trust me she will have plenty of it with you home. My hubby would have given is right arm to stay home
but we both had to go back to work. There are many groups here in STL that are for stay at home dads. My kids pre school had a large group and they were great. Its a big adjustment, but worth it IMO.
You will have difficulty working from home though (depending on what it is and the demand of your constant attention) and some companies actually have age restrictions of the kids at home. It make sense as they don't want you being pulled in many directions/distractions at home and with work too.
Its always worth a try especially if you can get re-hired or hired elsewhere.

 

[stdreb27]

Originally Posted by KerriAnn
First of all, there's nothing wrong with the way you feel about this. It's completely normal for a guy to feel that he's responsible for doing the "man things" and we're to tend to the "mother things" and while most of us women are so against this point of view we're lying through our teeth. Deep down inside when it finally processes we realize it's just that "protective" instict you men are equipped with and, to me, I think that's the sweetest thing in the world.
Now, in my opinion, I'd have to suggest finding a way to try it because while it may possibly be the "best" option for your family if you're not 100% ok with it after a bit you're probably never going to be ok with it. Yes times have changed and roles have reversed but some things are just set to make us feel uncomfortable. I'm a tall girl (5'10") and I cannot date a guy shorter than me. I've tried it but I'm just completely insecure about it and that's just me. And while the majority of guys in Pittsburgh seem to be shorter than or just about equal to me it took some extra work to find someone that I'm comfortable with and happy with. Bottom line: if you're not completely ok with it then it's ok to say no and find another alternative. There's always another option
I'm 6' 2" but I live in texas

I'd do it, I do feel the same way you feel, the man should be wearing the pants and earn the money. But I have a price, and 2 times my salary would make my pride easy to swallow.

 

[trippkid]

I have been doing it for about 3 years now. Wouldn't change it for anything. All those things that have been said are true, also if you are looking for a challenge, it is one of the hardest jobs there is(you don't get to leave for the day if having a bad one). I have 3 small ones, my day starts at 7 am and ends around midnight I'd say, kids go to bed at 8 or 9, then I clean and do chores, post on here etc., the daytime hours are for doing things with the kids mostly and of course tinkering with my reef. My wife is a RN, and works nights mostly 3-4 nights a week, she still has plenty of time to spend with our kids. I am glad our family is able to have one of us stay home with them, I think paying someone else to shape, mold, and watch them grow is just crazy, that' just me. With her schedule, I am able to work some with a friend of mine doing landscaping, installing ponds, and general home renovations when I feel I need a break for the day. Isn't that something, go to work for a day off, LOL. Good luck with your decision, I vote for stay at home, it is an adjustmet to say the least, but well worth it. Plus I have lots of time with my other babies, as my wife would call my corals. Priceless, IMO.
Alex, I admire how you have made things work for you and your son, it must be really hard at times being a single parent. I have someone to fall back on if I truly need it, you do it all by yourself, you are the man in my book. Keep up the great job with AJ. Sometimes us dads need some reassurance we are doing a good job and the right thing.
Matt

 

[scotts]

DUDE!!! As a stay at home dad who was pretty much in the exact situation as you I have a LOT to say about this. My daughter is waiting fro a friend to come over then I can tell you what I think.
Scott

 

[scotts]

I am a stay at home dad. I had a pretty responsible job when I quit. Things were getting too much for us. (we had a little extra incentive since my daughter had medical problems and my son has autism) So it was not jut raising two kids but taking time off for this appt. and that therapist.... But then we alway shared the load at home. Whoever was home first cooked dinner, we bottle fed so whoever heard the kid and woke up fed the kid. If both of you work there is not only the raising the kid, but taking time off when she is sick, or needs to go to the doctor. Also the fact that WE are raising our kid, not someone else. This is a major point right there.
They say the best thing you can spend on your kids is time, and my son is waiting for me to help him build his ferris wheel so gotta go.
I agree with what TK has said, you can tell he does it too.
Scott

 

[tangman99]

That's funny as I looked at my wife last night and said I was thinking about becoming a house husband. I can't even begin to describe the look I got. To get up and walk around in my underwear all day, not shave. Yeah, I could handle that.
Really. I'd have no problem with it whatsoever. I also know it's a lot of work also.

 

[skipperdz]

Well I Guess You Could Always Pick Up A 2nd And 3rd Job If You Realy Want To Work...but If I Were You Id Stay Home